My husband is mentally abusive.?

Question

I love him but he is so disrespectful and controlling. There is no way you love someone and treat them this way. I do not know what to do. He thinks my opinion doesnt matter and i should just be quiet.

Answer 1

I am sorry for you. You have a real winner on your hands. If he truly loved you, he would treat you with all the love and respect you deserve.

Answer 2

So why do you 'love' him? Because he controls you? Some women (and men) like to be controlled, put down, abused, etc. That's why there is such profit in Sado-masochism and Dominatrixes.

If he's physically abusive, PLEASE call a local womens shelter in your area and go there RIGHT AWAY! And take any kids you may have.

If he's mentally controlling (I had a bf like that, and I thought I deserved the jerk-it was a learning time in my life, he ended up dumping me which ended up being the best thing he could have done), you have to ask yourself WHY you 'love' him. Besides him treating you like crap, that is. Is he mean all the time, or just when say, he's drunk, or had a bad day? He sounds like a chauvinist and you should leave him. If he's physically abusive as well, DO NOT TELL HIM you are leaving, or he may beat you up (or worse). Just make arrangements and just GO. Then, file for divorce if you are married. Mental cruelty is grounds for divorce. If you can stay with someone you trust, that would be good too.
Good luck to you, remember you aren't alone and deserve BETTER!

Answer 3

Mentally abusive is just as bad as physical.My mother endured physical abuse from my bio father for about 14 years then i followed in her footsteps and got married at a young age and was abused for three years.I am kinda different though I fought back most women don't,I was full of so much anger that i hoped he would kill me for fighting back.I am telling you this because if someone is mentally abusive its their way of controling u because they are insecure and you never know it could lead to physical abuse.My advice would be get a backbone and stand up to him if he hits you then you know this is not a relationship i need to be in.No one deserves to be abused no matter what.So what if u get hit thats not the worst that could happen think of spending the next 50 years with someone and never standing up for yourself.I am the type person that I will fight for what i believe in and i don't care what it costs me because if you lay down and let people walk all over you your whole life thats no kinda life at all.I am not telling you to fight him just stand up to him and tell him you don't have to take abuse from any other human being on this earth and you will walk away if it continues,or you can be a coward and get on here and ask people what to do for the rest of your life but not take action when someone gives u advice,I may sound harsh but I know that if a woman gets mad enough she can stand up and defend what she believes in.....

Answer 4

no u can't be happy in a relationship where u get no respect, and your opinion don't matter. if he isn't willing to go to counseling, means he doesn't think he is the problem, and there isn't anything u can do but decide if u want this to be your life, or if u want a different life. he is a controller, is only happy if he is in complete control of everything, when u cross him or disagree in even the slightest way he turns on u and attacks u and when he does it takes away your self worth. not the makings of a good equal partnership, where u feel you count. may have to leave him if he can't see what effect his controlling is having on u.

Answer 5

Why do you love him? So you are not alone? Because he used to treat you with respect?

Your opinion does matter. DON"T be quiet. Tell him to go to therapy or else you need to leave him. Your self esteem is just going to keep diminishing if you stay with this man.

Respect yourself and don't allow anyone to treat you like you don't matter. You really really do! It is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself. If he is so little of a man, he has to make you feel bad so he can feel good, then who needs him? Not you!

Find love for yourself and someone who loves you and respects you will come along. Life is too short to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.

Good luck! (PS I divorced a mentally abusive husband too. It's not easy, but you will be ssssoooooo happy down the road! A very short road, I promise!)

ps. Think of someone you love greatly. If their spouse talked to them the way yours does to you, what would you tell them? Would you be pissed? And tell them they are not those things, and do not deserve to be treated that way. They are better off w/out their spouse? Well, say those same things to yourself!!

Answer 6

If he's controlling and thinks your opinion doesn't count, he probably won't be willing to go to marriage counseling. After all, he can't admit there's anything that needs fixing(or that he doesn't need "fixing"). Is it possible for you to seek counseling to find out how to deal with this problem?
I don't know how long you've been married or if he was the same way before you got married. Sometimes verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse.
What is his reaction when you express an opposing opinion?

Answer 7

I would leave...Infact I have been through it. I left with my kids. It wasnt easy but it was a heck of a lot better than the abuse. I always said that a smack in the mouth hurts but the pain does go away. Mental abuse doesn't it stays with you forever. I am not saying physical abuse is right it isn't. What I am trying to say is that mental abuse is harder to deal with. Get out before he makes you feel so incompetent as an INDIVIDUAL. You are entitled to YOUR opinion.
Good luck Hun.

Answer 8

You are absolutely right that people in a healthy loving relationship do NOT treat each other that way. I see red flags everywhere. He obviously doesn't respect you or your opinion. If you love him, you must demand that he go to counseling with you. If he refuses--which I'm sure he will--then you must go by yourself. You need to find out why you think so little of yourself that you would put up with that kind of thing--which is another symptom of being emotionally abused. I suspect you're going to have to get out of there AND get counseling to get your life back.

Answer 9

I couldn't imagine living with that...it would make me physically ill.
I can't imagine that anyone believes you should continue to stay with someone who treats you that way.
Find a friend to stay with (female), and leave him a letter. Tell him why you're leaving, and still leave the opportunity for him to change, and try again. If he doesn't....move on! You deserve respect, and you deserve to live like an adult, and not be controlled like a child!
There are agencies out there that will help you get away if you need help. If you have kids, don't leave them, even temporarily, or you will not get custody back in many places. Look in your phone book under domestic violence. They have shelters where you can stay temporarily, and they will help you get set up in an apartment.
Take care of yourself!!!

Answer 10

This is not a good life for you! You are always make to feel small and insignificant by living this life. You will have no self-esteem left. Your husband apparently doesn't know how to give love. I know people who treat their pets better than how you are being treated now. Call a counselor and find a mental health therapist. they can help to build your confidence in order to move or help him change his behavior

Answer 11

This was the reason I left my ex. He has stripped you of your self esteem and confidence. You CAN get it back. Love doesnt matter sometimes if it's wrong... abuse is abuse. I am sure he ends up turning everything towards you, as if everything is only your fault, right? Wow, my ex and your hubby sound like twins.... I ended up leaving (we were not married) cause I couldnt take it anymore and alas, 2 months after i left, he had someone else move in.