I am 46 with 2 kids 6&8. 2 dogs,3cats,fish,guinea pig and a husband. I never stop, am always stressed out, gaining weight, but husband thinks I dont do anything. Oh, also do the paperwork for own business. Thought about leaving but everything in my name and major money problems. How do I find myself again?
2007-01-22 13:27:04 · 25 answers · asked by LA 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Come apart, and rest........or come apart!!! I know which one I'd choose! Good Luck!
2007-01-22 13:33:03 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like some delegation of responsibility is in order. The children can certainly have some chores such as their bedrooms, bathroom etc. They can also help with the animals. In fact they need to. It bet that was the deal when you got the animals. Make a chore chart. Have them sick to it.
Schedule time in your day to go to an exercise class. It is a great outlet for you to get out with some women and feel healthier too. Once you start exercising you will have more energy.
You find yourself by committing to take an hour ( not much) by asking yourself what you need to do to feel better today? Why do we women not take ourselves seriously. In the Oprah age women are starting to put themselves first. Why? Because if we do not give to ourselves how can we possibly give to others? A few years ago I started getting up an hour earlier than the family to drink my coffee and read my Bible and take a bath. Whatever I felt like doing for myself. At 5:00 a.m. no telephones are ringing, no one is firing questions at me. I have to go to bed a little earlier but the benefits are great. No matter what happens in the day I know that I did what I wanted to do. try treating yourself as your own best friend.
By the way I work at home also and I get all the time from everyone this attitude she doesn't do squat all day so my kids want to dump extra stuff on me. There are limits though. Every now and again I lose it and have to remind them I am a human.
Ladies maybe we need a group here.
2007-01-26 05:21:58 · answer #2 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch out! You could lose custody of your children if you let him look after them. This is the nightmare of this Catch22 situation. If it helps at all imagine yourself going to court and losing custody. It does happen. Be careful!
What to do...I would go somewhere, with the kids, where you can be yourself and not feel your husbands criticism.
Being a SAHM was the hardest thing I ever did (harder than any paid work) and also the least appreciated by either society, friends - or husband. I hated his attitudes. How could he come home after a day's work, and say I did nothing? I had done his type of work before having children, and I know that looking after the children all day was so much harder.
To find yourself again - it's more than a few hours in the gym. I would recommend a holiday, just you and the children, and do whatever you want, together. No husband in sight. Enjoy them, heal your relationship with them...and also talk about how you feel, how stressed you can get - they will probably tell you how much they love and appreciate you!!!!!!!!! And their love is unconditional. That's what makes it worthwhile, even if no one else cares or knows. And we do, the other SAHMs of the world!
Love and strength to all!
2007-01-22 21:08:04 · answer #3 · answered by katy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the risk of sounding too blunt: Find a physician who can help you deal with menopause. You are at the right age for pre-menopause, at the very least. Has your stress level accelerated in the last year?
It could very well be that the stress level was always there..of course it was! 2 young kids, 2 dogs, 3 cats, fish, guinea pig, bookwork, and a husband who doesn't think you do anything.
But now the hormones (or lack thereof) are magnifying the enormity of what you have been dealing with all along.
So... my advice is to level out your hormone situation. Then you can deal with this in a level headed, rational manner. Your body is messing with your rational self right now. Good luck!
2007-01-22 13:40:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok I totally hear you!! You are probably fed up with doing everything for everyone else and nothing for yourself. we have all been there believe me. This is what I did. I went on the South Beach Diet (the first two weeks were hell) but after that I lost 30 lbs and felt much better and happier. You need to have a talk with your husband and reconnect. When you lose weight you do feel sexier so this may come easy. You need to tell him that you need help even though you stay home he still needs to support you. My best advice would be just try and communicate what you need from him, sometimes men are so clueless. I hope that this helps, hang in there we are all going through this. Being a mother is a thankless job!!
2007-01-22 13:36:29 · answer #5 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say your kids are 6 and 8, so aren't they in school pretty much all day? If you really wanted to you could work full time and be more than just a stay at home mom. Have your family take turns doing chores, and have the kids help take care of the pets. You're not the maid, right? Not to be harsh or anything, but its really your choice what you do with your life.
2007-01-22 13:42:00 · answer #6 · answered by jellybean24 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you joined a MOMS club? When I was SAHM it was what kept my sanity!!!
Also, you might want to start a weekly lunch or something with your GF's only..no kids...just to do your own thing.
Oh! Almost forgot!! Yahoo groups...if you have the time on the puter then join a yahoo group for SAHM... I did right before I had my 4th child and I am still in constant contact with 5 of those same members, they are my best friends. They really help me know that I am not alone! We all get stressed and all the same BS happens to all of us!
2007-01-22 13:33:58 · answer #7 · answered by Sharlala 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to be a stay at home mom! I am also. I have three kids 9,6 and 2.....so believe me I know. Most people don't realize all of the effort that it takes to raise a family,do the house work, laundry, cook, and raise kids....along with the errands and homework that comes and never goes.....and then you are supposed to make time for yourself and your spouse! Well it can be done, but it is no walk in the park! Good luck to you!
2007-01-22 13:43:20 · answer #8 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have same story but I lost the weight--all of it plus some. Didn't matter. I'm a little less stressed but husband is still the same. (33 yo mom with 3 kids, a cat, a dog, and a husband.) Oh, I ditched my business. ;)
2007-01-22 13:41:48 · answer #9 · answered by AM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typical male attitude. Tell him you are going on strike for a week or better yet, tell him you are taking your vacation time now. Let him take a week off and see what it's like. These men have no clue unless they have to do it themselves. Or .. your kids are old enough to pick up after themselves. Turn it around and have them do their own cleanup, and you do your own, along with things the kids cant do (laundry etc) and do not pick up anything of the husband's, do not do his dishes or paperwork, etc etc.
2007-01-22 13:38:41 · answer #10 · answered by Jay Jay 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
join a gym and become very selfish. make time for you!!!!!!!!!!
cook easy things for dinner and make them eat what you are eating. start buying new food, healthy food. take family walks and make sure every one has their set chores. invite the other stay at homes to a walk or to the gym. it only takes 21 days in a row to form a habit. after 21 days at the gym you will look and feel so beautiful.
you so deserve it girl friend. i use to be a stay at home mom when my kids were and it was the hardest job i have ever had and so
un reconizised. you go !!~!~!
2007-01-22 13:36:27 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋