Sex as a 'weapon'?

Question

I'm guessing there won't be many women who admit to doing it but have any of you withheld sex from your partner as 'punishment'? Do you use it as a bargaining tool? What results have you had doing this? Do you feel justified to use sex in this way?

Men have you been in a relationship with a woman who has behaved this way? How did you deal with it? Is it 'water off a ducks back' to you and you take what you can get or has it been the end of relationships for you?

What kind of problems does it create/solve for each person?

Answers based on your knowledge of other people who have been in this position are just as interesting to me, it doesn't necessarily have to be personal experience.

Please and thank you.

Karma.
x

I'm with Ella, that would be like a form of self harm to me, lol. I love being with my man at every opportunity!

Answer 1

The most fascinating example I've ever seen in my personal experience was two roommates (male and female) I had who started dating. The girl actually had a super high sex drive which the guy initially loved...but then she suspected that he realized that she loved sex so much he could withold it and it would drive her nuts.

It wasn't that she couldn't do without sex, it was that she knew he loved it and thus was choosing not to have sex as a reflection of how he was feeling about her at the moment... if he was frustrated with her, or resentful, or whatever, he lost interest (or at least pretended to lose interest) in sex with her and she would complain about it to me. What was most interesting to me was that, unlike in a lot of relationships where sometimes a girl can feel like the guy is just using her to masturbate, her frustration was that his sexual interest in her was tied to exactly how he was feeling about her at the moment. Ironically, their sex life was a more integrated part of their relationship than usual...as it was tied to how they actually "related."

But the simple fact was that she always viewed it as a "I eventually have to cave" situation and, by implication, I got the impression (which I wonder about now) that he was traditionally witholding towards a specific end. While it could have been sex used as a "weapon" by him, it also could have been sex used as a "tool" by her...to gauge various things in their relationship and perhaps improve it...and see the fruits of her results!

I actually think the ability to use sex as "leverage" in a relationship (assuming both people have relatively equal sex drives) has to do with how much the relationship itself is rooted in sex, as opposed to common interests, personal compatibility, and old-fashioned non-exclusively sexual love. When sex is the key way a couple relates--which I often find the sooner in a relationship you have sex, the sooner you stop working so hard to get to know each other on other levels, so it's important to me to keep a balance when progressing in the early stages of a relationship--then the lack of it can lead to a real void and a sense of rejection. For a guy, no sex and feeling like she'd rather have nothing than be with you SUCKS! But for a woman to "hold out" towards a specific end, says a lot about a couple's communication and inability to work out their differences and achieve compromise on the traditional levels, which typically requires a high level of mutual respect and understanding, which might not be in place if sex is too much a part of your relationship (not having it too much--is there such a thing?--just when it's too high a percentage in how important it is to how you relate).

The question for a lot of guys is why they would allow themselves to be manipulated just to eventually "get some" again. If sex is that important in a relationship that you allow yourself to be pulled around by your penis by a girl for the "privlege" of having sex with her, she had better be one heck of an acrobat--or perhaps you should find yourself a more mature relationship.

And that is always the risk for a girl who plays these games (which isn't to say guys don't play them, but I'm focusing on this particular question)...if a guy decides he doesn't want to play any more, she may find yourself without sex...or a boyfriend to have it with.

Answer 2

Whether it's being used as a weapon or just being withheld because they are mad at you is a legitimate question. But every woman I've known has done it, and yeah, most of the time I think it was done so in a effort to punish me or get me to let them have something they wanted, not because they just didn't feel like it.

One of the many reasons I've had it with long-term relationships.

Answer 3

I knew a man that was in that situation. He ended up cheating, ending the relationship and ended up married to someone else.

His wife doesn't bargain sex and I think its a big reason they have been together over 10 years. (He has been faithful, just for the record).

Answer 4

Most of the women I've been involved with "rationed" sex and used it as a "weapon".

That's one reason why I've decided to take at least a year off from dating (I'm tired of being manipulated and used)!

It always struck me as sick and disgusting that women view sex as a commodity to be bought, traded and sold, rather than as a mutually enjoyable activity that's just as good for women as it is for men.

From now on, if any woman in my life even tries to use 'sex as a weapon' she's GONE - I have a high speed DSL connection to take care of my sexual needs and the porno websites don't play headgames, unlike far too many real world women!!!

Answer 5

I think it should be done because you love your partner and not what you get out of it.I think a number of men jerk off or look at porn or hire someone for sex because there wife won't give it to them at home.I think that women do the same for the same reason.

All and all Ella727 gets my recommendation for best answer so far.She's the women for me.

Answer 6

This blog is full of liars lol. What kind of woman doesnt use sex to her advantage sometimes. I mean if men can pay us for sex then we can do what the hell we want to do with our mouth's, ******* and asses. Bunch of hypocrites on this site. Sex is used for manipulation and money and not just that combination, just go and ask a prostitute.

Answer 7

Sometimes.... If its needed... Not with random people, but with people I am already having sex with.... Usually I withold the sex, and then using it as a bribe works well.... Also sex after witholding it for a while is always really hot....

Answer 8

Hi. it really do not work you think it do but in time you and him both will lose interest. in each other because you have with hold form him so long. when you want to make love to him it jest not happening because of this. sometime you jest do not feel like doing it that ok but I want to say it used to work a long time ago. but now in these day and time it want. because it to many fish out there and they are jest waiting for some one to catch them. and if you with hold it for so long they will be looking for someone will give it up. so go ahead and makelove to that man and pleases do not play games because you might jest lose the best thing that came your way.

Answer 9

when my first wife refused me for two weeks. i found a lady in the office who was more then happy to accommodate me. we Had something In common. her husband drank a lot and could not perform. soon my wife became suspicious,too late,the bull was out of the pasture. I'm sure that this is a common thing. today sex is always available.

Answer 10

If a girl tried that with me she would be out the door.