HE HAS NOT HELPED US IN 6 YEARS AND NEVER HAS ASKED FOR HER UNTIL NOW,I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO,I AM AFRAID HE MAY KEEP HER EVEN WITH ME HAVEING CARE CUSTODY AND CONTROL,HE ONLY HAS SUMMER VISITS,BUT NEVER WANTED HER UNTIL NOW,AND SHE IS ALMOST 12 SHE WAS 3 WHEN HE LEFT US
2007-01-22 12:53:02 · 13 answers · asked by TAM 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think two states away for the whole summer with someone who's shown no interest for six years is VERY SCARY. Tell him if he really wants to have a relationship with his daughter, he needs to move closer and start out a bit slower and PROVE that he's reliable and good parent material first. Get an attorney and do what you can thru the courts to protect your daughter....but dont' stand in their way completely, you never know, he may be turning over a new leaf and better late than never....
2007-01-22 13:00:07 · answer #1 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
The honest answer is it is your daughters choice. She is 12 and in some states she can legally decide who she wants to live with. So she doesn't want to go see him then she should not have to.
I would still have a talk with her about it and make sure this is what she wants. If so then respect it.
But if her dad wants to be a dad then he needs to start. He should try calling and asking for her and seeing how she is doing. He didn't care for 9 years so I think if he really cares he needs to get working. There is no excuse for what he did.
Like it or not that is still your child and even if he couldn't stand you, he should have at least called his daughter. The kids come first. By the way is he even supporting her with child support? If not then he doesn't count for much then.
Sory but you just don't walk back in your childs life after 9 years and try to act like it is ok. I respect your daughter for making her decision. Remember she too is begining to enter her teen years and soon will be an adult to.
2007-01-22 13:15:22 · answer #2 · answered by logan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU MUST FOLLOW THE COURT'S ORDER!!!!! No matter what the child wants. If you don't like the order, you must take him back to court and ask the judge to change the arrangements. He or she probably will not do so just because the child doesn't want too. There has to be a better reason then that.
Seek legal counsel if you want to change the court ordered visitation. Otherwise, you HAVE TO OBEY THE COURT'S ORDERS!
BY THE WAY, non-payment of child support is a completely SEPARATE ISSUE! You can not withhold visitation due to non-payment of child support!
2007-01-22 13:01:27 · answer #3 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, I can see why you're scared. It's possible that he just wants to make amends. Make sure your visitation agreement is up-to-date. You might want to send her just for a weekend at first so they can get to know each other. Or better yet, make a reservation for him at a local hotel and have them meet at a coffee shop for a couple of hours first and then maybe an outing the following day.
It is unreasonable for him to expect her to comfortably go to his place for an entire summer after not seeing him since she was a toddler. He's a stranger to her.
You might want to get with a lawyer and appoint a guardian ad litem for your child so a neutral party can assess what's best.
2007-01-22 13:55:30 · answer #4 · answered by booktender 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would be very worried as to why he wants her now.
check in your state and see at what age the courts allow the child to choose if they want to go for visitation or not. In WV it is at age 14( was, not sure about now) but if i were you i would check asap! get an attorney and get it into the court system. i would think that him having no contact with her all these years would make a huge difference.
2007-01-22 13:14:18 · answer #5 · answered by angel1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might want to contact a lawyer on this. Don't know your state/province law, but in some states, he can literally force you to agree to this, and I think it would be very bad, both for her and for you. If he has not paid any support, you may be able to withhold visitation, and if he has not asked for her in all this time, and you can prove it, you may be able to prove abandonment, and have his visitation declared void; BUT, the bottom line, you need legal representation on this. Don't try to fight it out on your own. You can bet he'll get a lawyer!
2007-01-22 13:33:14 · answer #6 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible to discuss this with your ex? She is afraid because she doesn't know him I guess. If you are dead set against this and feel it is in your daughter's best interest, then seek legal counsel. It may make a difference since he hasn't seen her in 6 years.Good Luck and hope everything works out for you and your child.
2007-01-22 13:02:34 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
your best bet is going back to court and figuring things out that way. explain what has happen since the last time you were in court and the situation with him not being around. if he was suppose to pay child support and has not, that needs to be addressed too. depending with your child age she may have her say in court, but you'll have to look into that. whatever reasons he has had for not seeing your child is distasteful, but chances are he may get some form of visit but get it supervised and local. if your gut is telling you that you do not trust this situation then do something about it!!!
2007-01-22 13:08:58 · answer #8 · answered by dthsmx5 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can't think of anything more cruel than forcing your 12 year old daughter to spend an entire summer with a father she barely knows just because HE has decided that he wants to be a dad after 6 years. If he wants to be a part of her life it should be on YOUR terms. Not his.
2007-01-22 13:00:51 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Be honest with him. Tell him that she doesn't want to go there. If he wants to see her then maybe it would be best if he came to where she is living to do so. (that's why my ex does because my daughter is busy with school/work/social life and has been since highschool)
2007-01-22 15:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋