I just caught my wife cheating on me. She wants me back but I don't know, any suggestions?

Question

Her affair was physical for about the past year, they were even talking kids and living together. When I caught her she realized how stupid that was and ended it with him. I have been totally faithful and honest with her, and I still love her more than anything, but I don't know if I can ever touch her again without thinking of this. I would like to hear from someone who has gone through this, because I could never have imagined this kind of pain! I am still totally in love with her, but at the same time don't want to hurt like this anymore.

Answer 1

i was totally in love, 10 years i was faithful, but one day he began treating me badly, not long after he wanted a divorce, later after many lies about not being involved with anyone, he finally owned up to it, a whole year he was seeing her, suddenly i knew why i had been so mistreated and ignored. he refused to come home, so i waited awhile gave him a Chance to change his mind, before filing for divorce. finally when i gave up all hope i filed, not because i didn't still love the man, but could never feel right sleeping with him again, also never knew when the other woman would come back into his life, if he had come back. looking back on it, i realize i could not have gotten past it, would have always wondered when the other woman would come back and the hurt would begin all over again. so i chose to divorce, to break all contact, and move on. at least i can say i left with my dignity, and that i don't have to wonder when it might have happened again, as he chose her over me, and that was enough to ruin it for me. yes the pain is very severe, u may need to seek counseling for your pain. but always remember she did it, not u.good luck

Answer 2

Well the damage is done. The pain is yours whether you dump her or not.
You can take her back but put some limits on her.
She owes you a full explanation of why she did this, that it will never happen again and that she leaves with nothing but her clothes if it does again.
You need top explain that she has lost your trust and any right to unconditional love.
Trust is built and not given. She has a lot of making up to do.
Pain will subside in time, a long one.
You can give her ONE second chance but that's all.
Given the length of this one she owes you big time.
I would insist that a significantly better attitude appear in every way from here on out.
If there is any resistance throw her butt out.

The biggest jolt always is the realization that the person you trusted the most can lie to you for so long and hurt you so badly.
Like I said the hurt does not go away just because she is gone though. So you might as well keep her around and see what happens. I would also insist that she show some of the effort she spent on this other guy getting back in your good graces.
You will not quit loving her but do not put up with the attitude of a cheat.
It can work. It has worked. You will never forget though.
It will hurt less and less in time.

Answer 3

When a person cheats on you it takes a long time to regain trust in the relationship. Some can never get it back. How serious you BOTH are to regain that trust is something that needs to be discussed. It's a tough thing to do and you'll associate her with her affair for a long time. Personally, I think too many people have that "grass is greener" syndrome and people need to realize that all relationships are imperfect and take alot of work and energy to make work. Good luck!

Answer 4

I have just went threw that my self me and my husband been together for 9 years and been married for about 2 yrs. now and I caught him too. And I feel like if that was the first time you caught her cheating then I feel like you should give her a second chance. Because everyone makes a mistake. But on the other hand if she has done this before kick her to the curved, because you deserve better then that. Give her a second chance. Always remember three strikes you are out!

Answer 5

I understand your pain I was the wife of someone who cheated several times. each time I forgave. Forgiveness was instilled into my belief system in early childhood through many years of religious training . I tolerated it fro 9 years along with verbal & physical abuse..Finally, I had a talk with God and began the long, slow process of letting go of the dream to be married till death us do part...and let the healing begin...No one can answer your question for you. You too will have to listen to your heart. As a friend I implore you to be careful, take the time you need to amke your decision to trust again or not....
Be careful, in this day of deadly diseases caught by sexual contact you have to value your life before anyone elses ! I believe in miracles, but I also believe and know from experience that once trust is gone...its just a matter of time before the house falls down...Trust should be a solid foundation in all realtionships but because of the physical intimacy of a marriage, I feel it is imperative for trust to exist inorder for the survival of a marriage to occur and the blissfullness that is meant to happen in marriage to someone....I think that is what marriage is intended for a blissful union of two souls that only wish the other the best of everything ...I wish you well on this part of your journey....I'm sorry she hurt you. .Remember we often let people treat us how they treat us...

Answer 6

The pain will go away but it will take along time. You may never be able to trust her again but you won't know that unless you stick it out for a while. She needs to acknowledge your pain and understand that you can't just forget and go back to the way things were before. As for touching take your time, go slow, and hope that she is willing to take the time to make it work. Your gonna hurt anyway so you might as well try to be working toward something than away from it.

Answer 7

I feel your pain..i too feel the same way about my husband since his affair...honestly i think the only solution left is getting marrital couseling for me to heal and maybe some counseling on our own, this isn't easy and it feels like somedays why are you still here waiting for what the next time for it to happen again?...yes we love them but honestly what is worse loving and letting go or staying miserable forever and telling ourselves that we do love them when really we wont ever ever be able to forget, and maybe not even forgive.. i say go talk to someone like a therapist or maybe just leave and yes you will be in pain but also heal in time you know.

Answer 8

Don't kid yourself...if they were talking kids and living together, she IS STILL involved with him. C'mon, we're not talking a one-time thing here...a year long affair? You need to get wise (and a little backbone) and move on. After a year, she's not sorry about the affair...she's sorry you caught her. When a spouse cheats, you do the worst possible thing you can to them...you forget them.

Answer 9

I agree with one of the other posts, an affair that lasted a year, that's a BIG DEAL, and she only stopped because you caught her. If you don't have kids together, I would seriously consider calling it quits with her, if you have kids, go to counseling, you might be able to work thru it, you never know unless you try.

Answer 10

If she cheated on you once, she'll do it again. If you don't want to hurt like that again, don't take her back. She's only sorry because she got caught, not because she loves you. It's only because you caught her F*****g around. My advice, don't do it.