My 16 year old sons 19 year old girlfriend just told him shes pregnant?

Question

ever since my wife died my kids have been out of control, ive always found someway to clean up their messes though but i dont know what to do about this one

he said he wants the baby but i think hes making a mistake she alreay has a baby and my son is talking about marrying her and adopting her kid

what should i do ? i dont want his life to be ruined !!!

Answer 1

go to church

Answer 2

O dear Lord, you poor man. So she's 19 with one child already and now is with your son and pregnant by him as well. Whew.
Well, first of all, depending on the laws of your state, I really do not think that he can legally get married without parental consent. And no judge in his right mind is going to let a 16 yo adopt a child, no matter how noble the offer is.
So, hold your ground, do not emancipate him. Make her wait the 2 years for him to become 18. This might also help him stay in school a bit longer as well.
Also, if you can get him to listen to you, take him to the store and let him figure out the cost of a baby for a month, and then ad all living expenses and hopefully the reality of it will hit him like a ton of bricks. Hopefully he will mull on things and maybe think about getting some sort of trade skill lined up during his last 2 years of high school. If he stays in.
So, I am guessing that he is acting out in this self- destructive manner due to your wife passing? Has he had any therapy to cope with it (is he even willing to go?) I really think a neutral third party would be a lot of help right now. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through right now. I wish you luck with this.. this path is not going to be easy.- dd

Answer 3

Unfortunately, there are some things that you are going to have to let your children learn on their own. Having a baby is a BIG deal and I can understand how you are scared that he will ruin his life by having the kid and marrying his girlfriend.... but this is entirely up to your son. You need to be the greater influence on this situation but as far as anything beyond that, it is his choice. Sit him down and have a serious talk with him... make sure you do it when either one of you doesn't have plans, so no one is rushing off or ignoring what the other person is saying. There is only so much you can do and at least you will know that you tried. I hope everything works out!

Answer 4

Your 16 year old is still a baby himself. He wants to keep the baby which for some reason God has created for him. You need to support your son through all of this. Tell him that marriage wouldn't be the answer right now. Perhaps he can live with her for awhile and see what life is all about without Dad around all the time. You should do nothing. just support him. The baby is gonna come no matter what you say or do. dont do anything or say anything to hurt the couple. Things like this happen and its out of our control sometimes. Trust me .....i've been in your shoes. Usually if you leave it alone things tend to work themselves out.

Answer 5

Even Dr. Phil says that kids don't have full reasoning ability until they are about 20. That means, dad, that you are going to have to step in and help him sort this thing out. Do not allow him to rush into marriage at this age. Take a step back and think about all the options. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a lawyer either, since he is underage and she is 19. I know he thinks he loves her and is anxious to do the right thing, but maybe the right thing is just to wait until he is older to get married. And he really shouldn't adopt the other child. Not at this point. If he does and they break up in a few years, he will have TWO kids to pay child support on!!! Besides, they have to have permission from the child's biological father to allow your son to adopt.

Both your son and his girlfriend need to talk this thing out with the parents present. May God help you all as you go through this!

Answer 6

Interesting. Last time I checked you had to be 18 to marry. Anything younger than that you need parents permission. About adopting a baby? What kind of Judge would allow a 16 year old to adopt a child? I think you that you should already know this information. Common knowledge.

Answer 7

Well Ive noticed that some people said put the baby up for adoption. You cant do that, its the womans choice on if she wants to keep it or not, so you have no say in that. Alot of younger people have had babies and turned out on top. There really is not much you can do, if he wants to marry her then when he turns 18 he will. Encourage him to stay in school and get a education, try to do the same with his gf.

Answer 8

First, you should get your act together and stop blaming your kids for "being out of control" because your wife died. That's an excuse for not doing what you know you should have been doing all along, unless they've been out of control a lot longer than that. Perhaps you "cleaning up their messes" just leads to bigger messes, like this one, since you always take care of it rather than foster responsibility and consequences before they get in trouble and you don't allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions.

As for this one, it may be too late. Perhaps he, as a minor, shouldn't have been dating a 19-year-old mother in the first place. Now that he's going to be a father, maybe he's just trying to do the right thing and be the father he hasn't had.

How about stepping up to the plate now so that your other kids' lives won't be "ruined?" I'm sure I'm not the first one to tell you this.

Answer 9

The very first thing you should do is talk to this girls parents and team up with them on this. They'll hopfully help you reason with them, and you can give each other the support you are all going to desperatley need and plan things from there. I would plan a nice dinner at your house with eveyone involved in this mess present, where all of you can maturely discuss this, since despite what this young couple may think, you are just as involved in this matter and the childs future as they are, seeing as I'm sure the couples parents are going to be giving the majority of support to this baby. Your son cannot marry her at 16 without your permission, and hopefully he will have realized how foolish he is being by the time he is 18. At 16, he is still very much a child. He cannot even hold a full time job, drive a car on his own, or vote, so he certainly cannot raise a child, no matter how mature he may be for his age - he is going to need you big time. People DO NOT all of a sudden mature, grow up, learn responsibility etc., by having a child, so don't expect this -its unrealistic. Thats what puppies are for, not human babies. Yes, you may see a little of this, but don't expect a miracle. GOOD LUCK!!!

P.S. - call your local Planned Parenthood office (or other such place) and insist that they both go as soon as possible - they need to learn about birth control (possibly tubal ligation for her), and PP can direct them to free or low-cost prenatal care, parenting classes, and government assistance programs for the child. They can also assist you personally in trying to figure out how to deal with all of this. You may also want to discuss this with your church leader if you are involved in one - they often can be of assistance also. Please don't wait.

Answer 10

First of all most of you seem to think the father knew about his son dating a 18 year old. I bet the dad did not know. My son is 19 and I do not know all the girls he has dated. All you can do is raise them the best you know how and pray everything works out and nothing bad happens. His life is not ruined and can still finish high school and go to college. Good luck

Answer 11

First of all, u need 2 quit cleaning up his messes. He needs to clean them. I have 5 children and they know that if they mess it up they have to clean it up.

If you keep bailing your child out then he will never learn to be an adult man. Don't you want him to be a man? Because all you are teaching him is "Daddy will fix it."

As far as a 19 year old being pregnant. Can you say illegal? Can you say statutory rape? Because that is exactly what has happened. An adult raped your boy. I'm a little disgusted to hear that you still want to clean his messes.

If it was me I would make a police report against this girl. She has committed a crime.

Your boy is playing house with an adult. You need to step in and tell your boy he has two choices. Quit school, get a job and take care of his child or convince her to give this child up for adoption. It is the only way to ensure the baby has a chance for a stable home. Children are not capable of taking care of children or is that one more mess you are going to take care of for him?

You decide if you want your boy to grow and take care of his own mess and learn how to deal with life or if you are going to stifle him from growning and learning may never making him take responsibility.

Personally I think we need more real men in this world.

Now go do the right thing.