I have beeen married for a little under 3 years- no kids. During the entire time I have known my wife, her personality tends to change when she drinks in social situations. Often cries over minor things, can pick fights, slurs her words, and just overall becomes sort of stupid. There have been occasions where she really went overboard and vomited and once even lost control of her bowels. She does not drink that often, and has made me many promises to not get this way when she does. She has tried to limit herself to one drink but when she has she has passed out with her clothes on and doesn't wake up easily. Finally this past weekend she went away with her two girlfriends and got really drunk (accidentally left me a voice message while she was having a barely coherent converation wiith a friend). I am on the verge of divorce and she justified her recent incident, insisting that it's more my problem than hers. She's willing to try couples counseling. What should I do??
2007-01-22 12:14:52 · 10 answers · asked by jdrummys321 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont think you need couples counseling she needs alcohol rehab, to have thet mant incidents shows a definite pattern. Another thing you said she got really drunk after one drink and passed out, more than likely she drank secretly those times. She has a full blown drinking problem and is definitely abusing alcohol. It might sound mean to abandon her, but in this case I doubt seriously if she will ever get any better.
2007-01-22 12:21:45 · answer #1 · answered by Frank R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't imagine the many feelings you have from this disease that has a hold not only on your wife but you as well!.. Many alcoholics not only hurt themselves but hurt others too.Sadly it's insidious and the alcohol thread seams to get into everything.
You have shown great compassion to go through these things experianced. You should be aware of some of the end results of consequences from these behaviors. The fact that you can write of these feelings shows that you are in contact with healthy people. I have found that alcohol hurts me more than helps and I only became aware because I lost much. There are many groups of people who meet regularly to discuss there problems and some are able to see things clearly by seeing how alcohol changes things experianced by other people. There are many kind fellowships all over the world. Try to suggest that alcoholics annonymous may help her. For yourself; I recommend you talk regularly with your counseler to help u think the problems to a place where you'll find happiness.
2007-01-22 20:49:29 · answer #2 · answered by segabill 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she does need the counseling but drinking too much will catch up with her like it did me, I finally got a liver disease and had to take treatments to try to get it at a stand still, well now it is but it will never go away, now I can not drink no more and that is what she needs to know, it will make you sick in the long run, now it is fun but the older she gets it will be regrets.
2007-01-22 20:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by may s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She will not admit shes got a problem and insists its your problem. Well yes.. it is your problem .. in how to deal with her issue of alcoholism. It is her problem that she is one. I would definitely agree to counseling. It will come out in the counseling that it is a major issue in continuing with your marriage. I don't think you are out of line to consider divorce as she will not face this issue and you have been patient AND supportive. She needs to find out why she drinks... and what exactly she is "blaming" you for. If there is an issue with something you have done or are doing.. there are more constructive ways to deal with it than finding yourself soiled and incoherently running around..
If you love her, keep trying... but remember self preservation is important.
Best of Luck with this...
2007-01-22 20:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by thebe_gl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the couples counseling and in that let her listen to the message she left, it may take embarrasing her to make her see what you see, and offer to help her stop. If she doesnt have a problem then she should have no problem stopping altogether, i know it may seem to her that you are controoling her, but in the end she will end up thanking you... drinking is not what makes a relationship stronger, it may end up ultimatly destroying it. She may not realize thata couple drinks make her that way, and to compromise maybe you could offer to stop drinking as welll, and hopefully she wll see that you guys are better off sober...
2007-01-22 20:24:07 · answer #5 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here I am. twenty 27 years later with the same crap. I just got in from work and my husband is drunk again. I've dealt with it all these years. Why???? I don't know. He has no desire for sex. And honestly I wouldn't want him now because he doesn't take care of his self. I feel they only get worse, I want to walk. I think you should just leave. You don't have kids. I could tell you so much but who wants to hear all that. Just get out before your old and full of should haves. Best Of luck!
2007-01-22 21:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Chloe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok...well this is when you put your 'threats' to action. you need to let her know (through your actions) that her behaviour is not acceptable. she is an alcholic and she needs professional help. couples counseling is not going to be good enough. she is an alcholic and she needs professional help. well....let me take that back. couples counseling may help as far as your relationship goes with your wife. but as far as she is concerned...she needs professional help. now...if you are so unhappy with this situation then you need to leave and let her know through your actions that you will not just sit there and put up with her drinking binges. she either gets the professional help that she needs or you file for divorce. good thing that you don't have any children cause they would be subjected to her drinking. which is not good.
2007-01-22 21:23:41 · answer #7 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try the counseling...if she doesn't drink that often..it's not a daily issue, it's worth trying to work through this. Certainly you knew she had this problem before you got married, so why are you expecting her to change suddenly?
2007-01-22 20:23:04 · answer #8 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no kids ..... that's easy leave her..... now! UNLESS she stops her drinking and you really love her....... are you making excusses for her? cause that how it all starts..... apparently she can't control her alcohol and she needs help, are you willing to help?........... god bless...... good luck!
i have children w/my alcoholic husband and he has a mother that forgot to cut the strings .... he never puts our children first or our marriage for that matter..... I talk to God everyday ..... in my opinion counselors stink..... the one we tried was two faced.... she didn't like it to much when she found out that her conversation was being recorded!...... like i said good luck... if one can't control their alcohol.... they shouldn't be drinking it.
2007-01-22 20:30:25 · answer #9 · answered by magdalina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to an AA meeting!
2007-01-22 20:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by Ŗεŋεε 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋