I am in a polygamous marriage. I am the second wife. I have never met my co wife because she is in another country and my husband hasn;t even seen her in 6 years. There is a very strong posibility she will come in 2 months. I knew about her when my husband and I got married, but I never though about the day I would have to share him. My husband loves me more, but doesn't want to hurt her. It was an arranged marriage with them, he never really loved her, just feels a duty for her. She is also the mother of his 2 kids. He has said many times he wishes he could turn back time so nobody would get hurt. I get a pain in my heart when I think about her coming. He doesn't want to lose his kids, that's why he won't divorce her, and he cares about her as a person, but not really love like we have with eachother. Any advice on dealing with this situation? I sometimes think to leave him, but that would hurt just as bad. I need words of wisdom. I need to fell better about this situation.
2007-01-22 12:08:00 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not looking for judgement, just advice or helpful words.
2007-01-22 12:08:27 · update #1
Try to think of the bigger picture. If you love him try to do the best you can to deal with it. Keep yourself busy when he is with her. Try not to think about it too much. Try to remember the love you to share together If you love him like you say you do try not to make this difficult for him. Just pray and as God for strength and you will be ok. If you but your all 100% in it and you still just can not deal with it then and only then should you cansider leaving him. You can always be friends.
God bless hope everything works out for you.
2007-01-22 12:32:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there...this is an interesting situation. Did you know that in the US, Polygamy is illegal? You may come to find out that your marriage (since you were the second marriage) is not even valid. If you are against this polygamous relationship, then I suggest you talk to your husband and have him make the choice - because especially if she's coming to your country (not sure if you're in the US). If he doesn't want to make a choice, then that means he wants to keep BOTH of you. If you are not ok with that, then it's something YOU have to do something about. There will be hurt regardless of who isn't kept as a spouse - you cannot go thru life making important choices (or NOT making them) just because you don't want to hurt people.
2007-01-22 20:28:58 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be of the Muslim faith, because you accept the fact that you are a second wife in the same marriage. Your problem is that you don't want to share your husband with wife number one, but if your husband does not want to divorce her, you'll be stuck with her; you realize of course that your husband has the right to have four wives!
If on the other hand, you and your husband are not of the Muslim faith, then he is bigamous which is a crime and he is liable to be convicted.
2007-01-22 20:22:02 · answer #3 · answered by markos m 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
if you are uncomfortable with it, speak up and have a serious discussion with your husband. if there's no way out and you don't like to be in such situation, ask for a divorce. no one could act against your will.
why polygamy when there are so many man out there tht could give you even more love and care? i personally think it's unfair for ladies. ask your husband would he like to share you with other guys? the answer is definitely NO.
2007-01-22 20:20:41 · answer #4 · answered by KCL 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋