He had an affair. It ended, he cut all contact with the female. He allows me to have complete access to his phone, computer, email etc... I am still having a hard time letting myself trust again. What can I do to get past this?
2007-01-22 12:01:07 · 21 answers · asked by Sassy Pants 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The fact that he allows that kind of access to his personal stuff means he is serious about this. I think it will just take time for him to prove that you can trust him again. It is not wrong of you to be suspicious and if you have any doubts, he should understand them and be willing to prove himself. Trust will not be gained overnight. Remember forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. Trust must be earned. Just give it time, it sounds like he is willing to do his part.
2007-01-22 12:08:01 · answer #1 · answered by melissa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't think you can every completely get past it. but i gotta give your husband a thumbs up. he's headed in the right direction. most men would still not want their wife's to have all that access. i think you need to figure out why he had the affair to begin with. maybe that's where the key lies. but he needs to make sure that he also fills all of your curiosities about the situation not just letting you have access. he should answer all of your questions about it. until you can accept that it's over and be comfortable with that, your not going to get past it. good luck.
2007-01-22 12:14:00 · answer #2 · answered by Lori B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't... Not the answer you were looking for, right? Simply put, it's human nature. When trust is broken, it's nearly impossible to recover it. Ask yourself a question...do you want to be the kind of person who is constantly checking up on your partner or doubting them? If not, then it's time to end it. When a spouse starts cheating the relationship is dying anyway.
2007-01-22 12:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by woobinator 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has cut contact with the female and you really have access to everything, and he really seems remorseful and now realizes that you are number one then I think that is a good start. It will take time and it would be wise to go to church and talk to a Pastor and or go to a Christian Marriage Counselor. Good luck and that is great that you two are trying to work it out. Try not to bring up the past with it. I know that is hard not to do but mentioning it won't help. He probably wants to get past that just as much as you wished it had never happened. Just think of it as a test of the "better or for worse" phase as that being the "worse" part in the marriage vows. Now go forward and enjoy the "better" phase of your marriage. Perhaps you both can now have a better than ever marriage.
2007-01-22 13:44:18 · answer #4 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...the truth is that no marriage is perfect because humans aren't perfect. I do commend you for hanging in there and trying to make things work...... that's called commitment and few women have that trait anymore. An affair doesn't have to end a marriage if both realize that mistakes can happen...... repeated affairs....... that's a deal breaker. As time goes by you can both learn to trust and respect one another........ have faith!
2007-01-22 12:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't because you already let him get by with the first one so why do you think he won't do it again. He could call someone froma pay phone or company phone. But hopefully he will not do it again. But you need to really think about trusting him again. But maybe he did change I don't know but keep a close watch. ANd you just can forget it and just hope he doesn't do it again.
2007-01-22 12:15:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he really sounds like he is making an effort by letting you snoop in his stuff. This may mean he reallly IS willing to stop this bad behavior. Trust after this will take time if he is willing to let you continue snooping. Hey....there is a price he has to pay, right? I think you'll ease up a little when he proves he is where he says he is and is willing to let you do this. Two choices you have to ponder: Stay or Go. You have free will. Dont live your life stressing out. It is too short.
2007-01-22 12:19:31 · answer #7 · answered by spinster wife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him why he did it? I mean try to find out really why he did it. What made him be willing to do it. Was it just a chance opportunity or does he really not like monogamy?
Then see if he has an interest in changing. When you find out the answer to those questions, you will know.
Forget about this keeping his computer. That is all BS. You have to get this thing down to the raw feeling level. What really happened.
BTW, have you ever had a thought of being with another man? What did you do with the idea? If you didnt do it why not? Discuss it with him.
2007-01-22 12:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my case if that was me have faith, trust & time. if he cut all contact with the other female & he is allowing you to have complete access to everything of his then i would trust him unless if you get a phone call from the other female again then i would ask him questions about it. i'm sorry i'm trying the best that i can to help you but if that every happened to me i would do have a little faith, trust, & time into it.
2007-01-22 12:12:52 · answer #9 · answered by nsync22bsb23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though you may want to kill him, you eventually have to forgive him. You know you would want to be forgiven if you cheated on him. Mistakes happen, after all, he is trying to earn your trust back. Give him time, and if he still screws up, kick him to the curb. There's that ol' saying "There are many fish in the sea, and he may just not be yours."
2007-01-22 12:07:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋