Just found out my husband has been having an affair with someone he met on a trek - I found out by mistake?

Question

My husbands birthday (big 40) was coming up and he wanted to do something special so he went on a three month trek to Central America (he was so loving before he went and came back a different person) He returned in the May. The next two months were awful (changed pawords, guarded his mobile phone ) wouldn't talk to me and the physical side of things were pretty not existent. In the July his firm where sending on a assignment asand he took me out into the street said the marriage was going nowhere and it was over - He left. After pressure from family and friends he agreed to try and work things out but something was missing, he said he needed some space and went USA for a week alone to sort out feelings, he came back cold again and said hes emigrating to New Zealand. I then contacted solictor and she suggest counselling, at Xmas it was lovely with the famliy and friends but he was going on a wks trek to Thailand- he said he didn.t want to go He met her again and cold again

Answer 1

Short and best answer Just Leave and now.

Answer 2

I think you should leave him, but before that I would tell him sharp and bloody truth.
The best way to do so - to write him a letter, so he won't interrupt you.

That he is dishonest and shallow man.
Who left you alone for three months to "do something special!!!"
Where he has been having an affair and then, he had a nerve to tell you that marriage was going nowhere and it is over. Just like that. What a shame!
Coward with fake words and sleazy mind.
You can't make your marriage go somewhere by fooling around and ignoring the main stuff.
He didn't even try, was just talking and left you again "to sort out feelings..." Exactly when you need him the most and communication between two of you is the only way to sort out feelings...What kind of an emotional invalid is he???
He is not even brave enough to tell you the truth and take responsibility. Instead of that, he is trying to make you feel guilty!
He is not a man, he is just a miserable, good for nothing creature.
Who is destroying his marriage and your life so easily.
But what goes around, will come around.
So, good luck to him with that, let him go to New Zea-land or to North Pol, because he will get what he deserved everywhere.
After that leave him without any regrets and learn how to find your real happiness.

Shake his conchies and dignity, wake up his soul, see if he has any of them...You might be very surprised.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

You poor thing, what a nightmare. A cheating partner is one of the most painful things in the whole world.
Maybe it will help you to remember that when someone cheats, the underlying reason is always that they are a dishonourable person, and never because of something wrong with their partner. You must not blame yourself for his affair - although he may have you believe that something you did drove him away, it is ultimately up to him whether he upholds the vows you two took on your wedding day.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you

Answer 5

Long distance relationships never work. Yours and his.....seems like he's gone on all these trips for extended amounts of time. Face facts it's over. Let it go and move on. He just isn't the person he once was. You are better off with out him. If I were you I would start the divorce proceedings first and clean his slate. Or just accept that it's over and move on. He owes you some restitution for being such a schmuck.

Answer 6

You found out for a reason. It sounds like he isn't interested in staying married and being with you. All of his traveling is him searching for something he cannot find. He is going through a mid life crisis and isn't happy with himself or his life. In order for him to know what he wants he feels he has to go out and try new things. This is better than him staying home with you and making you miserable. He may come back once he figures himself out or he may not. The point is that this is not about you but about what is lacking in him. I would let him go, you can't make him stay and you don't want to be miserable. You may feel like your life has been turned upside down but things will get better. Focus on yourself and what's best for you and put yourself first for once.

Answer 7

Tell him that you love him and want to work it out but only if he wants to work it out as well. If his heart isn't in it, you can't do anything to change his mind.
Also emphasize to him that you two made a vow to be together (marriage) and emphasize the good times in the relationship.
If you don't want him to continue the affair, make it clear to him that it is either you or the other woman and you are not going to wait around forever for him to decide. And then, follow through with your decision.
Good luck.

Answer 8

So, what you're saying is that he's having an affair, has TOLD you he wants a divorce, is considering moving to an entire OTHER COUNTRY from you, and has only stayed because of pressure from his mommy?

Tell us again why you want to stay with this goon?

Get out! Show some self pride! Show your children how not to be treated like crap! Then make him wish he'd never left you.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your trouble.

I know this is one of those "easy for you to say" comments, and I don't want to sound cavalier, but leave him. Look at it this way: He's been trying to pull away for more than a half a year. People change, and it just happens.

I think you should consider your own energies and health; rather than let yourself become dragged into a perpetual cycle of distrust, guilt, anger... Free him, and free yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 10

Its time for you to think about yourself. He already changed. He confused coz he is just newly fall in love with the other woman. Its easy to say to let go a person we love but to really let go a person we will have to go thru a lot of pain. But when you truly understand that he is no more a loving and faithfull husband, for now he is crazy for his new love. A man who can't stay faithfull will never know who he love most. Believe me, let go of him from your heart and soon you will realise life is so wonderful without a cheater in your life.

Answer 11

Midlife crisis. Start to see someone else ( no sex). You won't wait around for him and if he decides not to come bcak, you will have something else to do. See www.midifeclub.com
As a therapist told me, men need to prove that they "still have it." Basically insecure sexually, he will blame it on you. Don't buy it. Nothing you do or don't do will make a difference. It is all him.