He wants us to be closer to each other but he has given us a deadline?

Question

My long-distance boyfriend of 3 years has told me last night that he cannot continue this way anymore. He seems quite upset with our long-distance situation and he wants us to change it. We see each other once a month. He has been pretty upset about his job as he hasn't got promoted as he'd hoped for and since then he has been telling me he needs me to be closer to him and not far. He sent me an email today and he explained to me all the options we have and he said he'd be happy if I could be closer to him. He asked me what I think about it. I said I agree and I said I was glad he has raised the topic and I gave him my options and we both agreed to a common goal. However, one thing I dont like is that he gave us a deadline of 6 months as he said that otherwise nothing will change if we dont put some pressure on us. He said if nothing will change within the next 6 months, he wont be able to continue this way anymore. He was very logical and practical about it tonight. What do you think?

Answer 1

I can wholly understand this problem. Your boyfriend is clearly very distressed by the situation as a whole and really doesnt want to end it.
However I can see that he is a very practical about problems and likes to solve them as best he can in an understandable way. He can see that this is a problem and is trying to solve it in the most obvious way.
I think for him to be honest like this is good, and to lay your options down is also sensible. But, lets be honest, love is rarely practical and never logical. I think that the problem lies with not not doing anything about the problem, but with not trying to do anything about the problem.
I am aware that seeing eachother more per month may be tricky, but for your relationship's sake, try. Simply talk to him more, and explain that although he is usually logical about things, explain that your relationship is about more than just logic. Explain how much he means to you and that you will try to get closer, but also elaborate on the fact that you deserve more than deadlines like some common work task. I hope I have helped! I know how tricky LDRs are!

Answer 2

I think you need to decide whether you are going to live in the same place and I think he has given you a deadline as it is very frustrating to have a long distance relationship. I did it once for 6 months and only saw the guy three times as we were a 12 hour flight away from each other. He gave me an ultimatum to move there but at the last meeting I realised I didnt want to and it ended. Long distance things are really hard and wont work in the longterm unless you get together very soon. Good luck!

Answer 3

Relationships that start with that type of pressure or ultimatum don't usually work out. So, you need to let him know how you feel about the time issue. Otherwise, if after 3 years, you are ready to be committed, go for it. Only, you may not really know him as well as you think by it being a long distance relationship, so be careful.

Answer 4

He could of handled it better. I would have set the deadline, but I wouldn't have told you about it. Things aren't black and white and saying "Here is a line" is wrong. I'd have said to myself, I'll give it six months and if nothing has changed, I'll have to look at the reason why it hasn't and make a choice.

But to put you both under pressure is wrong, and could change the outcome of the whole thing.

I get confused, he is down about his job, but all the language you use, points towards you being the one moving to him. Can't he start fresh with you?

Answer 5

First of all congratulations to both of you surviving the relationship that long especially it is a long distance one.

I reckon the deadline shouldn't bother you at all. It just simply shows how much he really does want you to be closer to him. I guess he needs your support for to be with him. Dont think of it as a threat but as a blessing. Since that both of you agreed to be close there's no need of bad thoughts because of that deadline. I suggest you pack up your things and go there (If that is what you really want). =)

Goodluck to both of you.

Answer 6

I think your boyfriend was very clear about his needs. Half a year to make a change sounds more than reasonable. I commend him for being honest, offering solutions, and having the intelligence to know that without a deadline, goals are meaningless.
He sounds like a decent guy.

Answer 7

short answer, i am going to work out the position he's coming from and why he has set a time decrease, yet in my opinion the time decrease is extra of a purpose or purpose date and not in any respect a company set in stone date. yet i'd be incorrect. If the guy realy loves you he does no longer have set a time decrease. he sounds somewhat too controling. so i might want to guage letting him bypass and get a guy who will apreciate you for you and not in any respect placed any stress or set a time decrease in this way. yet after 3years of this variety of relationship, i'm guessing that he would evaluate you somewhat a tease and do not realy want to comit to him. this says extra about his own self esteem, which judging from what i examine his esteem has taken a knock or 2 presently as far as his career is going. tell him the way you don't like how he set a time decrease. whats his hurry, existence is lengthy and also you're both youthful (i wager, perhaps on your 1920s or early Nineteen Thirties) and as existence spans now eceed 70+ years you've years left. at the same time as a guy says wont he regularly meants probable wont surprisingly the position his love existence is in touch. (ok i'm speaking for me right here, depending on me elderly 33). all you would possibly want to do is tell him that six months is too quickly set a maximum time span to 18 months and he would come decrease back at you with a 12 month decision. yet the position existence and love are in touch the in user-friendly words time a time decrease should be set is once you position a company date do do a particular job which contain a wedding ceremony day and or transferring in jointly. notwithstanding the dates want to be agreed between both companions, one man or woman shouldn't in any respect dictate some thing to the different in the adventure that they actually love one yet another they are going to cost the others opinion and are available to a joint decision. ok that is merely my opinion. strong success. and keep in innovations if he realy loved you he does no longer promote off you in user-friendly words because you may't meet a time decrease that he set, and for that count number if he loved you he does no longer have set the time decrease, he might want to attend till you're waiting.

Answer 8

hi he sounds ok and theres lots going on with him too just now its great that you understand him but as you say with things like this a big moved there shouldin be any time placed on this but its more like working to make the changes happen soon it takes time understanding not place pressure on getting things done within a time limet, as good friends its about understanding carinng working trough things togher and knowing what you really want because as you see this is your life as well here so talk think plan its the best way.

Answer 9

I think the deadline is a good idea. I am a procrastinate and deadlines are good. I think that the fact it was a logical decision rather than just demanding one is good. He wants a life with you not a house guest!

Answer 10

seeing each other once a month is hard but at least he is being honest
the one thing that concerns me is you dont spend alot of time with each other and things might not work out if you move nearer to him i.e move in
you may have to work really hard at it to make it work
as far his him giving a deadline ....its good that his honest and wants to get things out in the open
good luck