why is it that non custodial parents hate paying more in child support when their income increases?

Question

my ex has been making a lot more money, actually double, for the past three or four years. i am happy for him and i have left the child support the same. i currently attend school and i work as many hours as i possibly can, which is usually around 30 to 40 hours per week. i do all this without the help of a babysitter. i work and go to school while the kids are in school, study at night, and then work some more while the kids are with their dad. my middle son has cerebral palsy which requires a lot of extra attention, doctors visits, and physical, occupational, and speech therapy. all of this i do on my own without the help of my ex, which i don't mind. but when i bring up the idea of more child support he gets furious and makes awful threats. i wanted us to come to an agreement without the courts, but he refuses. the extra support that i want is far below what the court would order. i don't want to go through the courts, we usually get along just fine, but not about this! any thoughts

all i am wanting is a $100 more per month. not trying to "rake" him.

Answer 1

Wow you really are a wonderful person for doing all that. I comend you for that.
But I would have to guess and say he is probably upset that he doesn't have the kids for one. Oh sure he has visitation but still you have them and from what you say he sometimes becomes a babysitter for you. I am not stiking up for him but he probably feels that you got the best part and that is the kids. So if you are doing so darn good why do you need more from him. I'd bet there are still feelings about the marriage falling apart and everything else. I am sure it is lonely be cast out. Which in a sense he is. You have the one thing that came out of the marriage the children.
There is probably not much you are going to do about it. Yes he feels sorta left out until he gets his visits or you need a babysitter. He is just going to have to learn to deal with it. It sucks for both of you. But you will probably need to go ahead and go to a lawyer and get this done. The children come first. I would talk to him one last time and say look just be upfront with me and explain why you need it and see what he says. Tell him you aren't there to cause a fight or argue.

Answer 2

Personally I believe if he is spending all his allowed time with the kids and there arent any other problems, you shouldnt be able to profit more off of his increased income. This isnt reality but it is my opinion. If you are really working that much I dont see why you would need more money. Maybe ask him to chip in a little for extras but dont rake him. If he has been paying consistantly, dont ruin a good thing. Men can go crazy if women try to rake them. And for you to work that much and go to school and everything without a babysitter, he must be the one helping you out.
All I am saying is maybe you need to cut back a little and dont push it with him because it can come back to bite you in the end. Just ask him to contribute in other ways instead. What is important is his relationship with his children, not money.

Answer 3

I want to tell you about my experience. I took my ex back to court and received a large increase in support when he was making good money. Well guess what happened. He got fired from his high paying job and now works under the table and I haven't recieved a dime in a year and a half.

Answer 4

The one thing that I'll never understand is why a mother thinks that someone not suited to be THEIR spouse isn't suited to be a parent. Isn't that why you sought custody in the first place? Why would he not be permitted to keep the children for awhile until you finish school and are in a better position to provide for them. It kills me how a woman can make a decision to end a marriage, take the children and most of the belongings (because of the children) and then want to profit when the man finally gets back on his feet and starts to get ahead. It's almost like they want to punish the men even if the man never wanted out of the marriage in the first place.

Answer 5

I think you should consider on taking this to court. For him making a big amount of income and doesn't want to fork it out to support both of your kids, is very selfish on his part. If he has had a change on his income, he should pay more to child support.

You wouldn't be going through this if you would have taken him to court. Don't let his threats get to you, he is just trying to scare you so that way you will not take him to court. If he is unwilling to come to an agreement to pay more, than that shows you that he is just thinking of himself rather than for the sake of the kids.

If you don't want to go through the courts, then guess you are going to have to still do the things you have been doing without complaining.

Remember, if the kids are with you, and if he is the one who left, then he needs to give child support to them, because they are his kids too. Also, when the kids start getting older and need bigger clothes and bigger shoes, how will you handle that without him giving you enough for their well being???

So, if I were you, take him to court. Don't be afraid of his threats, do what is right for your kids, and stop making yourself think like your husband is still with you, because he is the absent parent, not you. Don't let him get away with not paying for more child support, you kids need it.

Answer 6

I do not claim to understand the male mind. What I experienced and had been advised beforehand is that he will have more respect for you after you take him to court. After all the threats and shouting when it's done, he will treat you even better, even though he's paying a lot more money. Go figure.

Answer 7

same reason that we hate paying more in property taxes even though our property values have increased in proportion. We don't see the increase in value (pay)...all we see is the tax (support) going up.

Kudos to you for working so hard at being a parent...time to take him to court and ask for what's reasonable. make sure the judge or your attorney brings up the fact he could be paying much much more so he sees that it's true and you're being reasonable. Or your alternative might be to have him take custody for an extended period of time. He just may not like doing that enough to up your support.

Answer 8

You sound like you have your hands full so why are you even dealing with your ex? Hire a good lawyer or go pro se and take him back to Court. Be advised, he may try to deceive the courts by altering his pay stubs. My ex did. He did such a lousy job and it looked so obvious. I think you and your kids deserve better.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Because we never wanted to let our children go in the first place. The woman usually gets the children, the house, the contents and everything else. Men are left miserable without their children and show throw themselves into work. Why should you take any more of his money when you don't want him.

Answer 10

This is about your kids needs, so you need to do what would take care of them. Don't take the threats, tell the law when you file for an increase in funds so they can handle him. He should have offered if he'd been a concerned and thoughtful Dad.