My 16 year old son posed a question here about his spankings?

Question

His name is Taylor and he's basically a good kid but like all teengers (especially boys) he gets a little big for his britches sometimes and needs to be taken down a peg or two. For instance, in this case he directly disobeyed his father and I and posted on a message board. We let him use the Internet but chat rooms, IM and message boards are off limits.

Nevertheless, I'm willing to overlook that because this seems like a nice venue. In fact, I was rather pleased to find that roughly half of the respondents to his question did not believe he was too old to be spanked. I would not have expected that on the liberal Internet. His question here suggested he was embarrassed to get spanked bare bottom. I have always told him if he doesn't want to get spanked bare bottom like a child then he should obey the rules and act his age. Seems like a no-brainer to me. The fact that he's embarrassed by it is probably why it works. Only constructive comments welcome.

Answer 1

I was spanked and I THANK my parents for doing it. BUT my parents stoped when I was 14. kids should not be spanked past 13-14 at the latest. I will spank when I have kids. it is not abuse. but I will not spank past age 14 if I have t go that long.

Answer 2

Well, I'm sure you're a good parent, and if you think spanking is the best, then i'm not going to tell you its wrong. But, if hes continuing to go against the rules, maybe try a different punishment. You can always go back to spanking after. Grounding, i think, is a more apropriate punishment for a 16 year old. I do think hes a little old for spankings. Maybe give him 2 options, like "Whats your punishment going to be? You're not allowed to leave your room for anything other than Computer Homework, Meals, and School for a month, or would you rather get spanked?" If he chooses the grounding, I think its pretty obvious how much he dislikes the spanking. You might be angry when you must punish your child, but punish because they have broken a rule, not because you had a bad day at the office. I hope I helped. Oh, and about the internet rules, I think that he should be allowed IM, seeing the fact that he only knows the people hes talking to. And maybe he should be allowed on certain message boards.

Good luck!

Answer 3

First, I want to say I agree with arfiegel that spanking used to be the norm and it didn't turn entire generations of kids into abusive adults. I got spanked when I was little, and it certainly hasn't turned me into a violent or abusive adult. I do agree with non-harmful spanking when it fits the crime.

I would also agree, though, that 16 is probably too old to be spanked. When I was a teenager, I would have been less likely to disobey if I had things taken away from me, like TV, video games, phone, computer, etc, than I would have been if threatened with a spanking. That may just be personal preference, though.

Good luck with whatever your decision is. Stick to your guns, no matter what.

Answer 4

Seriously the kid is way to old to be spanked. He is at the least a Sophomore. He will be a legal adult in 2 years. As I'm sure you know, time goes by faster and faster as we get older. So 730 days may sound like a long time..but it will be here before you know it. This makes logical and psychological sense, so hear me out. He was 6 years old, he did something bad, he got spanked. Thats fine. He's 9 years old, he did something bad, he got spanked. Still ok.
He's 11 years, he did something bad, maybe one whack and then ground him, he should start to know better by now. He's 13, he is still getting spanked when he does something wrong but continues to do it. Hmm...I wonder why? Now he's 16 and he's still getting spanked when he does something wrong. I see a pattern don't you? I've taken psychology in High School so I know a very small amount of it. All his life he got spanked when he did something bad. He was spanked when he was 6 and he was spanked when he was 16. He isn't getting treated more like an adult. He gets the same punishment as when he was a kid. Subconsciously he will make the same link I just did. He will not take more responsibility because he is still being treated like a child. I'm not saying your a bad parent, I'm just saying you need to treat him more like an adult. You spank him like a kid, he will act like a kid. You treat him like an adult, he will start to act like an adult. So please, take time to reconsider your actions. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just telling you what I know. Think about this, what do you have to lose treating him more like an adult for a few months and not spanking him? See what happens.

Answer 5

So.. by constructive comments... do you mean comments that will tell you that you're right?

because you are just... not. at all.
I do have an interesting question for you. If this is a healthy 16 year old boy... how do you find the strength to unclothe your son and then spank him while he is, no doubt, struggling and screaming for his dignity? Something just doesn't quite add up to me.

This *will* lead to a serious psycological disorder, I hope you know. 16 year olds don't get spanked bare bottom by their parents. It's degrading and immoral.
He will *never* respect you and he will go one of two ways with his kids: 1) He will do the same thing or 2) He's already taken a vow to never touch his children, lest he damage them the same way you have damaged him.

No-brainer, my a**.
You're permanently mentally and physically damaging your child. Just stop.

Answer 6

It is a no brainer but I think it depends on what the problem is. Every situation needs to be dealt with differently. I'm only 14 but still I think my advise should mean some kind of importance to you. My dad has a little overboard and he was/is really mean though, and not in the regular "daughter-hates-father" thing which you would probably think that I'm just like every other kid who doesn't like their parents, but I live with my grandma. If you still think I'm just like every other kid then every other kid has been kicked in the stomach by their dad when they are 4-5 yrs old. When he did spank me he wasn't shy either, thats all he ever talked about, literally. It just depends on what the situation is, but every parent is'nt my dad (thank the lord) so they have better judgement then he does. sorry if I got a little off topic there.

Answer 7

Your son may not be too old to be spanked but I have to agree with some of the responders that the bare bottom thing is out of line. You may find yourself in trouble with the law if you are ever caught doing this. Your son is 16, not 6. Most teenagers do need discipline but remember they are teenagers and this is the way they figure out what is going on with their lives. Do you remember yourself as a teenager? Its a tough time in their lives with lots of confusion, hormones and discrimination. Sounds like you already take alot away from him via internet with not allowing him to IM, visit chat rooms and message boards. It portrays to him that you don't trust him. Does he give you good reason NOT to trust him? Are these the reasons you spank him? What do you expect of him at age 16? Have you talked about this? Are they reasonable issues? Does he take drugs or alcohol, smoke, or sneak out of the house? I think you should weigh all the rights and wrongs with your son and think of a better way to discipline him that doesn't include physical force, for both your sakes. It probably sounds to you like I am being negative but I'm not. I think you should decide what you expect of your son without being unreasonable. I have a husband who always said NO to whatever the kids asked and now my kids barely talk to him because of it. If he would have just stopped to think about what they were asking, weigh the pros and cons, he wouldn't have had to say NO all the time and have a better relationship with his kids. Its all about their futures--what goes around, comes around.

Answer 8

Well dear in this format you get what they type.The good of it and the not so good. As to your son being upset that he was spanked bare bottom,there may be some harm in that particular choice in administering corporal punishment.I too believe in the good 'ol spanking,but would you have been in agreement had it been your husbands idea and taylor was a girl?Hell no! So what makes you think that it's less humiliating for a 16 year old male,where, there are still laws on the books that allow 16 year-olds to marry?(parental signature required).No, the embarrassment is from his private parts being exposed to his parents.

Answer 9

YES he is 2 old 2 be spanked hello! 16 he should follow his fathers and Ur's orders but what teenage do u knows does that all the time kids will be kids or in his case boys will be boys..the bare bottom thing is 2 weird he's not a child.as 4 the girls its OK at least its not boys be thankful 4 that..buy him condomms so he doesn't any 1 pregnant or gets HIV...safety matters ur so luckly he doesn't hit u back

Answer 10

I am a mother of three. I really understand how children can test your resolve. It is good to see that you don't let your son walk all over you and your spouse. Rules are rules, when they are broken there is consequences. I agree with spanking children. However, I do not see this as an affective punishment for a child of that age. When I spank my children, it hurts their feelings more so than it hurts them. With a teenager, you have to take away things that are important to them. I also would never spank any child on their bare bottom. I feel that is going too far.

Answer 11

16 and being spanked on his bare bottom...I don't envy you when he gets his freedom! I think it's pretty gross to be spanking a 16 yr old with his pants down! Why would you even do that? There is so many other ways to discipline. You asked for constructive comments only but trust me, you will not get ONLY constructive comments.