My mother-in-law and I get along just fine. When we found out that we were expecting we broke the news to her. She was happy and excited that she's having a granchild. A few nights ago my husband worked the night shift and she came over she was in the kitchen and I was in the bedroom then out of no where she blurts out "if you and my son were to split up you know he wouldn't let you take the baby." This kinda threw me off as it was so random. We haven't been married very long so our relationship is great. This made me very very uneasy and lingered in my mind for a few days. Last night I couldn't hold it in much longer and I decided to tell him husband what she said and he was suprised that she would even say something like that. This morning I came to work and I guess he talked to her about that (it must have bothered him more than it did me). A few minutes ago, she called my cell phone and left a message saying that I shouldn't tell him what we talk about and that I'm two-faced! Help!
2007-01-22 10:43:22 · 15 answers · asked by j's soon to be mommy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This made me pretty emotional as I dont want problems w/her, but I feel angry at her. What should I tell her. I guess I need to talk to her about the issue, but I feel hurt. I didn't mean for her to get upset, but it was a pretty dumb thing to say..
Serious answers only please!
2007-01-22 10:45:26 · update #1
Tell her: I love my husband really so much and I don't have any secret for him, than if you don't want that I tell him something, please, just don' t tell it to me.
2007-01-22 11:02:54 · answer #1 · answered by Susy 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 24 years, and I know In-Laws. Your mother in law is being a pain in the neck. Money is obviously an issue in your family. I would not pay for the room. There are other good options for her, she's just "holding out" for what she thinks is the better deal. The gas for the trip and the gift have already caused problems and hard feelings. Is she a widow? It sounds like she is single. She may feel alone and vulnerable, and perhaps a little afraid. She is wondering if you will be able to pay for stuff for her in the future. The real question she has is "who will take care of me?". To her, she thinks that by paying for things, you are taking care of her. It comforts her to know she is not alone, that she is not forgotten. She may not want to stay with your future Sister In Law because of other reasons- does your sis in law have kids? Maybe she is afraid of all the chaos. Perhaps Mom in Law is afraid she'll be emotional and wants a place to cry without being noticed. Who knows. But the deal is, you can't afford a room, and so I wouldn't pay for one. Is there a less expensive hotel for family and friends to stay at? This money incident with your Mother in Law will not be the last one to come up in your marriage. Do not start buying things you can't afford. Find ways to include her that don't involve much money. Call her on the phone every week or two. Visit her a few times a year. Send her pictures so she can brag to her friends about you and your hubby. Your Mom in Law is afraid she is loosing a son. Be nice to her, include her in your day, and show her she is gaining a daughter. A little kindness can go a long way.
2016-05-23 22:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh you poor lady, the Mom in Law IS tripping!
first off, you explain to her you are not "her friend" but her sons Wife.
You will NOT keep secrets from your husband, and that anything she tells you, unless you AGREE to keep it confidential of your OWN choice, may or may not be shared with your husband.. UP TO YOU!
Just because she is the mom in law doesn't mean she isn't nuts.
You did EXACTLY the right thing!
Now, your husband needs to get some sense, as him telling her what YOU told HIM is NOT to be shared with his MOM! Unless he warned you, OR you never said it should NOT be shared.
To me it is pretty obvious he should NOT have talked with his mom.. his duty is to YOU, not his mom. His mom is so yesterday.
Also, he doesn't get to "let you " keep the baby or not keep the baby if there is probs..that is up to the courts not him OR the "mom".
She sounds like a nightmare that you should be very careful around. She should have NO control over what your hubbie does or does not do. You do NOT have to be nice to her, let her see the kid, ANY of that. it is all up to the two of you.
I would stop letting her "stop" by uninvited. She is NOT your friend and even friends should call first.
I would also have the hubby listen to the message, tell him he is YOUR husband and that comes before being HER son, and if he can't hack that, you will see him later.. for child support!
2007-01-22 11:05:07 · answer #3 · answered by tony911m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like in the movie You,Me and Dupree the father-in-law what his son in law to get a vasectomy, he couldn't tell his wife because she'll only stand up for her father. This is your husband you two can discuss anything, especially something as important as that. You need to tell her that her comment upset you and you'll appreciate it if she doesn't make comments like that. Tell her how you feel and that discussing with your husband wasn't two-faced, you were simply discussing an issue. Hopefully this helps.
2007-01-22 10:51:40 · answer #4 · answered by Annie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow!
Okay honey, hold your horses before you go off and do battle with your mother-in-law, because she is totally trippin'!
1. She had absolutely NO RIGHT to say that to you, about not letting you take the baby. And for her to even say that to you out of the blue is completely WHACK.
2. You have EVERY RIGHT to talk to your husband about everything that goes on. INCLUDING conversations with your mother-in-law.
3. You have an AWESOME husband. Love him and kiss him and hold him tight, because he did the right thing about talking to her about it.
As for the cellphone message, she's even more whack. You can choose to deal with this in a number of ways.
You can either go to your husband about it again and don't ask him to talk to her about it, but figure out what the heck is wrong with her.
You can go to your husband and ask him to straighten out his mother.
You can talk to your husband and you both talk to her...problem with this is parent's can accept certain things from their own children that they will never accept from anyone else. Such as being talked to, criticism etc...
Or you can call her up and try to reason with her and talk nice.
And remember, someone needs to tell her that you and your husband do not keep secrets from each other and that's the whole point of marriage.
She is totally out of line both times and if it were me I would leave this to your husband to deal with or maybe the both of you sitting her down and explaining to her that this kind of talk and behaviour is unacceptable. Something tells me this won't be the last crazy thing you hear from her.
Good luck and Congratulations on the new baby!
2007-01-22 10:58:39 · answer #5 · answered by hw 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW THAT WAS PRETTY ODD TO JUST UP AND SAY,I HAVE BEEN MARRIED 10 YEARS AND HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH A GREAT MOTHER-IN-LAW YOU KNOW THE KIND THAT DON'T GET INVOLVED IN ISSUES CONCERNING MY HUSBAND AND I.BUT,WHAT I WOULD DO IS GO AND TALK TO HER PROBABLY WITH MY HUSBAND PRESENT,AND EXPLAIN TO HER THAT WHAT SHE SAID WAS COMPLETELY UN CALLED FOR AND THAT IT DID INDEED HURT YOUR FEELINGS AND THAT YOU DID NOT MARRY HER SON WITH THE INTENTIONS OF DIVORCING HIM.I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE LAWS ARE IN YOUR STATE BUT,IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA INLESS THE MOTHER IS JUST A COMPLETE PIECE OF@@@@,THE MOTHER ALWAYS GETS THE CHILD IN THE EVENT OF A DIVORCE OF COURSE.BUT WHEN WE MARRY WE NEVER HAVE THE INTENTIONS ON DIVORCING.AND JUST BE HONEST WITH HER.GOOD LUCK.OH,AND ABOUT THE BEING TWO FACED TAKING THE HUSBAND ALONG WILL CURBED ANY OF THAT GARBAGE,HE'S THE ONLY ONE THAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE CONCERNED WITH ANYWAY.
2007-01-22 11:02:48 · answer #6 · answered by reece v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just tell her that you NEVER keep secrets from your husband.
Okay, you now know that she wants to possibly cause an earthquake...treat her like a potential earthquake. BUT don't exclude her from your life...She may be having a panic attack knowing that you and your husband will soon be totally occupied with a new one on the way.
TRY really hard to be nice and TRY really hard to let her in the circle-she may need more asurances from you.
Her fear is loosing you.
She is remembering how consumed she was when she had babies.
I know this may sound bizare, but ask her to go shopping or something for baby things.
2007-01-22 10:54:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey.....I had the very same problem at one time.What I did was I stood up to my mother-in-law and I told her flat out that me & her son my husband had a very honest relationship and we discuss EVERYTHING...and if she felt that i was being two-faced that was her opinion.You need to tell her that you did not appreciate what she had said to you and that you did'nt do anything wrong by telling your husband it's not like she said it to you and said don't tell him..Either way I would ask her why she felt the need to say that to you.And if she had told you not to tell him that would have been because she knew it was wrong to say..Good Luck..Sometimes mother-in-laws just need a reality check and be put back in their place.
2007-01-22 11:10:08 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
silence is golden. in this case i would not say a word about it anymore. she will come to you. she's is gonna be very close to you during the next 9 month especially. now, if she does say something about it. i would just simply say i don't want to discuss it, i'm done. but, i would also inform her that all of her negativity will be discussed with your husband because you 2 are a team, and when problems arrive the 2 of you talk about them. also say something like but i'm sure you are finished with the negativity energy you've had toward me.
2007-01-22 10:54:24 · answer #9 · answered by lidakamo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain to her in a nice way that you don't keep things from your husband. And ask her to not discuss things with you that she wouldn't want you to discuss with him. That is her son afterall! I would not start practicing keeping things from my spouse. I applaud your husband for speaking with her about that as well. That statement should have never been made.
2007-01-22 11:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by Moni B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mother-in-laws are stupid and don't think before they speak cause they think they know it all. DO NOT keep what she says to you from your husband cause at some point she will use that against you as well. if she keeps saying stuff to you just tell that just cause she is so much older than you it doesn't make her wiser. she will shut up quick smart
2007-01-22 10:57:30 · answer #11 · answered by loop'n'stab 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋