I recently lost my fiance. He was murdered a month ago. When I flew back home to my family I took a few of his belongings like his clothes and shoes stuff like that. I know he is dead and I can't wear men clothes. But keeping his things with me keeps me close to him. I still love him like he is still alive. But his sister called demanding for his stuff. I don't want to give it up. I mean I can't. I'm not ready to give it up. She thinks that I am going to have a new boyfriend n let the new boyfriend wear it. I respect my finace too much to do that. I mean I know I can have a new boyfriend now that he is gone. But I dont want to have a boyfriend I don't care about a new man. I still love my deceased fiance. Now she is mad and I'm hurt. I don't kno why was I crying for when this isn't a big deal. Should I give up his things when I am really not ready to let go of his things or just ignore her call? Becuz she is demanding for his things even tho I told her I dont want to let go of it.
2007-01-22 10:41:55 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She wants his coat. ANd I want his coat too. She has a mink of his already. Its not fair.
2007-01-22 11:27:10 · update #1
I am so sorry for your loss. Rather than fight with his family over the coat, I would do my best to give his sister what she wants. She did just lose her brother and I am sure some of her irrational behavior is because she is in alot of pain too. Remember that your love for each other was so much bigger than a coat. Maybe, in time, she'll realize how petty she is being and offer some of your fiance's belongings to you.
2007-01-30 07:24:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, the Ice Queen wants something. Give her most of the stuff, because you'll have to, legally, anyway. Keep a few things for yourself. She doesn't have an itemized list on what he owned. Keep what you can. One excuse you could use is that you just don't have the time to go through his things. If you were living together, she can't force her way into your house/apartment, and if she goes the legal route, it'll take time. Maybe by the time it comes to a court appearance, you'll be ready to let go some of his things. As sorry as I am for you for your loss, at least you won't be related to this witch. You could question her as to why she wants this stuff. Are his parents around? Can you talk to them about giving you some time with his things? There is the other thought that maybe she misses him too, and wants some of his things to feel closer to him. Were they close? That could explain some things.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. It'll take time but I want you to be happy.
2007-01-30 16:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever is answered to this question is going to be painful to hear and I just want to say I am very sorry to hear about your fiance.
I lost a close relative of mine recently (I realise its not the same situation at all) but the way I dealt with it is by only keeping the most treasured possessions, the ones that meant the most to me and held the most memories. I gave the other stuff up.
It is one of the most difficult things I have had to do because everything holds a place in your heart, but it has made it far easier for me in the long run.
I hope this helps in some way, sorry if it doesn't.
2007-01-22 18:50:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could do as I had to do once with my best friends family and that was to number all the articles and have all interested draw numbers that keeps everything fair and without prejudice. Any personal things such as letters or tokens of endearment belong to addressed persons. His sister has a right to want to feel his presence so talk and share. That will make you feel better and I am sure keep your departed smiling at the great qualities I'm sure he found in you. Hope this helps.
2007-01-30 03:36:22 · answer #4 · answered by boomer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss. That is a tough one. I can understand why you would want something of his close by to you but also understand the sisters point of view. If the belonging were in your place ( if he was living with you ) then you have every right to keep his belonging with you but if not then I would have to say that you have to give them back. If you were engaged to him then you must of a ring or something special from him. Keep that close to your heart, he gave that to you because he loved you....You also have all the memories that you shared together and no one can take that away from you.....Good Luck
2007-01-22 18:51:42 · answer #5 · answered by rawsugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The clothes you have where these the last clothes he wore before he died? If so you can probaly still smell him off them evryone has their own smell.. When my dad died I kept his pyjamas he is dead 14 years now and i can still smell him on them its comforting for me...
My partner died 4yrs ago and my son has the T-shirt he was wearing he can smell him on it and it comforts him...
At times like this families can be petty its to do with the greiving process there is no set way for this and each person copes with it in their own way...
Your loss is so sad and you are trying to deal with it you dont need hassle from his sister over some clothes, send her the coat keep what is most dear to you and comforting for you... dont let what she says about you meeting someone new upset you she has the problem not you ... I got this kind of response from my in-laws my mother in-law said it was my fault that my partner died as I and him had seperated... Ive had no support from his family in any way my kids rarely see them and they where young when their dad died 10 & 6... She even said it was easier for me to cope with than it was for her and his brother how she thought this I dont even want to begin to wonder...
Call his sister speak calmly and clearly to her let her know that you will be returning what you chose to and that she should respect that your greiving for him and what you had...
Your pain will ease in time when you remember things you and him did and times you had dont look at it as sad be happy you had the chance to do them and nothing can take that away from you... Love be with you
2007-01-22 20:11:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my boyfriend died I held onto a lot of his stuff for a while but I really didn't think to why I had it. After a little while I gave it all to his family and kept a couple of things like his favorite sweater and a couple of other things.
Just give her most of it and keep the things that are more meaningful. That way your all happy.
His cologne.....I'll never forget that smell!
2007-01-22 18:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by Whos your mama? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that you should keep the things that mean the most to you. Pick a few of the items and give it back to his sister. Like someone else mentioned, she misses him too.
2007-01-30 17:59:48 · answer #8 · answered by The Old Woman Who Lived In a Shoe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically, if you weren't married to him, there isn't much you can do. Yet, if you can talk to that sister of his, you might get something out of it. It is hard to let go of someone in such a nature, but what matters most is that he is in your mind! Memories last longer than materials!!!! You don't need materials to remember him, you can just think about him and POOF! he's there! Good luck!
2007-01-29 21:00:53 · answer #9 · answered by Hector P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People become very selfish when a loved one passes. Everyone gets consumed by grief, and starts grabbing at every last memory and momento they can. You deserve to have something to remember him by. Be tactful when you tell his sister to bite you. She is suffering a great loss, put yourself in her shoes. She had her brother for her whole life, you not as long.
2007-01-28 15:05:13 · answer #10 · answered by adondeesta1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋