I have no interest in sex, literally none. I have 3 kids ranging in age from 11mos to 5 years. Sex feels like another to-do. It;s not that I am not attracted to my husband, it's just that I am so tired. By the time the evening roles around, the last thing I want is somebody else crawling all over me. I just want to sleep.
If by some miracle we are able to be intimate, one of the kids almost always wakes up, comes looking for us (this would be an older child seeking us, while the baby naps), etc... I can't go from being sexy to mommy then back again. Once there is an interuption, I am done.
With the previous babies our sex life was back on track by now. I am not sure what's going on this time. Any thoughts?
2007-01-22 10:39:36 · 16 answers · asked by westmountainmama 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I know what you mean. I think it just takes time, and also effort. I definitely think quality is better than quantity too. Lately my husband and I have been talking about what we could do to spruce things up in the bedroom. It's kept up our interest. Maybe you could talk about trying something new? I don't have older children walking in (just babies at this point who always cry when we're getting intimate),but if that is a problem maybe you could send them to grandma's for a day and get some quality time in with your husband.
2007-01-22 10:46:24 · answer #1 · answered by twinmom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just as each pregnancy is different so is the recovery and afterlife! The circumstances are also very different, your older, kids are older, daily life is so different with each new child as we add routines in our life some seem to get negelected all you have to do is find a way to somehow work other old routines back in!
It's all about adjustment, you are so tired because you now have three kids, much more work! I am sure your day is even fuller than before....time will make all things fall into place but you need to find time to sneak in a nap or two for you! I know it is hard but when there is a chance for even a quick nap take it so you can be refreshed and you won't run your self down! If you can get that refreshed feeling it is so important to try to be intimate with your spouse as he too needs your attention, I know the feeling of someone crawling all over you when your tired, or the little interuptions, keep in mind it does not have to be an elaborate sex session, it can be just a quickie and quite fun! Like sneak in when he has to go pee, it can also be exciting for you too! It can be just a little fondling, flirting, cuddling, even a little make out , these things may get you back on track, but you have to make sure you get enough rest for yourself!
2007-01-22 11:01:03 · answer #2 · answered by Rocky C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband excatly what you told us. Then brainstorm some solutions with him. Find a solution that you are both Enthusastically Agree on. Consider a babysitter once or twice a week. Direct the kiddos to crawl all over dad instead of you all evening. Do you have a walk in closet? Lock the bedroom door and retreat to the closet. Consider a vasectomy for you husband? Sex might take a long time to 'get back to normal' but once it does, you'll probably not want to have another baby to break up the status quo again.
I know how terrible it is to feel like a light switch. I encourage you to find a way to be intimate with your husband though. You need affection. He needs sex. Finding a way to have BOTH your needs met is vitally important to the future of your marriage and the children's happiness.
2007-01-22 10:57:49 · answer #3 · answered by AleksMama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You only had 2 children before - and maybe the third is the straw that's breaking the camel's back.... 3 little ones under 5 are ALOT of work !
Plus, your hormones can have a huge effect also, so maybe something is slightly different this time around. Check with your doctor.
Do you have a family member , friend or neighbor who can occasionally babysit for you over the weekend, to give you and your husband some "alone time" together?
Just a night out, and home by midnight, isn't going to give you a chance to totally unwind and relax, so you would need at least 2 nights away.
You also need to get the 2 older children used to sleeping through the night - or to at least stay in bed. Maybe take them to the park, swimming, whatever it takes to totally wear them out, and they might sleep through the night for a change.
I used to do this with my kids when they were little, and my husband finally came to realize that when I would take the kids out for the day, that I was more likely to be *in the mood* that evening.
It's not easy, but you have to realize that to be the best mommy you can be, you need to nurture yourself and your relationship with your husband, as well.
2007-01-22 10:54:03 · answer #4 · answered by Kate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 kids as while.I have a 4, 2, and 8 months old. Some days I feel just like you and I think it is worse since I am breastfeeding.I think it just comes down to just don't think of having sex with your husband as a thing to do. Like they say you may not want to do it at first but when you start you are so happy that you did. Remember that quickies are just as fun. Put a movie on or something that will distract your 5 year old for a longer period of time. I just think it takes some time before your sex drive is back to normal.
2007-01-22 11:09:02 · answer #5 · answered by ♥AsH♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean!
I have a 10 month old and am 16 weeks pregnant. It seems like another chore. The best thing I've found is drop the kiddo off at my mom's or my sisters for the evening. Then we go out to a nice dinner and Barnes and Noble or some place quiet to just talk and be alone.
By the time we pick kiddo up he's ready for bed and that's where he goes.
Good Luck!
PS: Your older kids are old enough to abide by the rule "If mom and dad's door is closed you must knock before opening." Lock the door. Hang a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" or "Quiet Please" I've seen these at craft stores. If you don't have a lock buy one!!
2007-01-22 10:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by Baby #3 due 10/13/09 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 21 and after my 2nd daughter was born sex didn't exist I still after two years have harly any sex drive, I can totally relate, But I have found a few Kamasutra book to be interesting and they have given me a few new ideas, sex changes after kid but if you change things up and look into a babysitter,(not being sarcastic) and take contol over your husband for a night, things might get interesting and seem more appealing, hope I could help.
2007-01-22 10:48:01 · answer #7 · answered by krissykay85 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's one of those marital things I think. You and your husband may need some alone time and with 3 kids that is going to be hard to do. Try getting them over to their grand parent's house for the weekend so you can have some alone time. Help them understand (no matter what age) that mommy and daddy need some alone time.
2007-01-22 10:44:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get someone to babysit for you and spend a nice romantic evening with your husband. Maybe go out for a candlelit dinner, a movie, whatever. Buy some sexy lingerie and some sweet smelling perfume. When the two of you get home, light some candles with some soft music and let nature take its course.
2007-01-22 10:47:33 · answer #9 · answered by tantalizin1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 19 and just had a baby almost 5 months ago and i have no sex drive what so ever, im just like you im so tired from trying to do so many things sex is at the end of the line. it causes probs though..maybe you should talk to your doc and get on medicine
2007-01-22 10:55:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋