So angry...lost a lot of weight, got fit, husband still pays no attention!?

Question

I am having major problems with unresolved anger towards my husband of 6 years. When we married I was heavy, I gained a TON of wt and got to 270# after the last baby. 5 years ago, I began exercising and changing my diet and lost 130#. No one thought I could do it, but I lost the weight, by myself and became a trainer. No WL surgery, no nothing. I also got pretty fit. Last year, I got breast implants to fix my deflated boobs and a little tummy tuck to remove the leftover skin. I'm now pretty foxy. It's crazy but my husband never wants to have sex and stares at other women when we are out. I constantly get men flirting with me, I have always had boyfriends who were really obsessed with me, I cannot figure out what the HE** is wrong with him. He is good looking but not drop-dead gorgeous, skinny, very skinny. Women are friendly but don't hit on him. I don't get it?? Oh, and I'm really a livewire in bed, not a deadf*ck. He acts like an old lady in bed, cuddling etc. He says he is old (41).

re: the fake boobs...really if you saw the deflated sacks of skin attached to my body--it was just like those shows--it was horrible. i was so disgusted. he didn't care one way or the other, i don't think. and they didn't even turn out that big. i actually went from a 36C to a 34B. I was pretty pissed about the outcome because I wanted to be a D!!

Oh...we've TALKED AND TALKED this to death and he just says, "I'm interested in sex." But makes no moves towards it. For years I carried the ball, no pun intended, but he has never make a move. I'm worn out!!

Answer 1

maybe he feels that you are to good for him now that you look good and he is self conses about himself and he is tiring to make you see him that he is still sexy and that girls like him so he would not feel unattractive that you look so good. about the sex find out what he would like and try to compromise Little of what he want to what you need. if that doesn't get him fired up in bed then he needs a boost of some kind of sex enhancement meds.good luck

Answer 2

Wow, I wish I had the answer for you, but we're in the same boat, except mines been going on for about a year now. A month ago, I feel into a deep depression feeling fed up, unwanted and rejected. And when I would attempt to talk to a supportive family member/friend they didn't really believe me, because everyone thinks I'm so beautiful and got it going on. They think I have his picture perfect marriage. Everyone know my husband worships me and he is so affectionate around others. I know he loves me. I asked him for a separation (that lasted a month) he was devastated. He came home things changed (for a week of so). I cheated last month (never thought I'd ever do that in the 17 years we've been together), but I stopped (ONLY because this was the right thing to do). Now, I'm contemplating a divorce. He doesn't want one and is terrified, but that hasn't changed his low sex drive. Now he claims to be depressed. I am supportive. I talk to him calmly, ensuring I don't embark on his manhood. We went to counseling, what else can we do? He says he's still sexually attractive. I'm the same size I was when I got married and men go out of their ways to try to talk to me. I know he isn't cheating, well he is, but it's beer. This situation hasn't improved, it's just getting worst. We're in our mid 30's, so what can I expect in my 40's? 50's? Something has to give....Just read your additional comments...wow, he's just like my husband!

Answer 3

Listen......




i agree, you should really sit down and have an honest conversation with him. and atleast make him tell you what he's feeling. Try to get it out of him. Youll keep going on everyday wondering until you actually sit down and lead to the problem to actually correct it and makes things better. Make a compromise or something. See what he wants, and lets meet half ways. Im not sure what it is, some men like alittle meat, I dont know. Maybe he feels insecure around you now. If he does, he probably wont tell you thats what it is...Try your best, because this could lead to mannnnyyy problems, this is your marriage on the line. Where would we be without communication, "we would have a relationship".... Hope this helps! Good Luck

Answer 4

Talk to him, don't make little comments here and there, or just sigh or roll your eyes when he isn't interested. Some time that sex isn't a factor, just talk. Or, write him a letter. Tell him how you're feeling. Men hit their sexual peak earlier than women. He may be past his even if you're not. He may enjoy looking, but just not have the drive to finish the job. He may not fully realize how you're feeling. You're feeling rejected by him and if you two don't work this out then your self esteem will only get worse, but it shouldn't. Good for you! All that work of losing weight! Don't let his insensitive behavior lower your self esteem. Hopefully, once he knows how you feel, he will either explain how he feels so that you don't feel rejected, or he will pay more attention to you. Sometimes we think our spouse knows what we're feeling and they really don't! Best of Luck!

Answer 5

Maybe he liked you the way you were and doesn't like your new look. By the way great job on the weight loss but did you really need the boob job. Another topic to argue later. I don't think you need to change for him, but change for yourself. If you want him to notice you then you need to tell him. Just flat out tell him, no hinting (men don't get hints). The reason you are getting hit on by other men is because of your fake boobs. Sorry to say that but it is the truth. Talk to your husband. Let him know how you feel.

Answer 6

Although he may not have voiced his opinion on what you've accomplished, he may really be proud. Why don't you ask him, and while you're at it ask him what he can you do to get the attention you're craving from him. He can be older body wise than mind wise, have you ever thought of that. Some people don't even get the cuddling, which can be comforting to know that you are loved.

Answer 7

Talk to him and ask him why he is still not attracted to you or affectionate to you in any way... He sounds like a pig and a self centered guy who is just not happy with what he has at home... You may have to leave him.... There is a guy out there somewhere who will someday love you for you... You can do better trust me.

Answer 8

He might have liked u heavy & felt that you lost the weight to look for other men . It sounds like he's insecure because he's intimidated by your change & the fact he's aging & you are looking fabulous & he feels threatened. talk with him & see what he is feeling & asure him that you didn't do it to get someone else. Maybe he thinks your cheating on him now that u changed you looks. Don't give up on him he may need to feel needed & feel that you don't need him anymore . Talk to him you have been together to long to give up. Maybe he's having a middle aged drpression going on.

Answer 9

Well, the only thing I can say is that he's lost interest in you. I mean, that;s what it looks like. Maybe ya'll should have a heart to heart, and figure out what is really going on.

Answer 10

Well if you ask me, it sounds like you think you are too good for him. Read, "The Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. It will change your marriage.