Comin' Out? My parents dont know I'm gay (they probably do from things that have happened in the past)

Question

We are very close, I'm an only child. 2 friends told me that I need to come clean with them for my own good. Why? They had horrible results when they did it. I know my parents dont want to hear it and I have no problem with that. Is it wrong for me to stay in the closet so to speak? I'm more comfortable with str8 guys for some reason but I've also had a lot of gay friends. One str8 guy got a man crush on me that was obvious to all in my group. He took it well when kidded but was a little emabarassed. I dont really consider myself part of the gay community. Not that I have anything bad to say about it; it's just not for me at this time. I just like to kick it with people and not have to put a label on who or what I am. So is it wrong of me to not be open with my parents and is it wrong of me to not be an active member in the gay community? I mean, I'm happy the way I am. People dont know about me unless I tell them. I'm no different if gay or str8. Any ideas or advice will be apreciated

Answer 1

You seem to be fine. What do you need someone else's opinion for? Live your life any way that makes you happy.

I'll level: I'm older than the hills and have never told my dad that I'm gay, although I've certainly dropped enough hints along the way. You're your parents' son first. Being gay is incidental when it comes to that. Unless there's some deep-seated past resentment that you need to resolve, I don't see any reason that you "have" to tell them. You do whatever you're comfortable doing.

And my best friend from high school (and the boy I first loved) was into the gay bar scene. I went with him once or twice, but it just wasn't for me. So where you hang out is also up to you. Lord knows, we don't need any more sheep in the world!

Answer 2

You really should come out and if your folks are as close to you as you say then they will love you not matter what (like a parent is supposed to to begin with!) because the sooner you do it the easier it will be on them, especially if they already suspect like you think they do. Also I had a friend that lied throw her teeth about her realizing that she's gay when HER parents confronted her and even when she openly displayed her true feelings about this person in front of her family. It shocked them like crazy but her parents accept her for what she is even though they themselves are very active in they hometown church. There is nothing wrong with keeping it from certain people and no you don't have to at this time be active in the gay community. My dearest friend has several straight friends (me being one of them). And if the straight guy has a crush on you why don't you see if he wants to go on a date or something, because he maybe realizing that if nothing else he may be bi instead of just heterial. Good luck.

Answer 3

You sound like a well grounded, honest person. Is there any reason you feel you simply must discuss your sexuality with your parents in a hurry? As long as you're all comfortable, take your time. It's up to you to chose the time. You're not hurting anyone by waiting, just don't use it as an excuse. Once you enter a serious relationship with a significant other, it may be time to tell them. The difference is the way your "S.O." may feel when they are introduced as a friend..or how your parents may respond to your partner as it being his "fault". As long as you're young and just kicking - don't sweat the small stuff - enjoy.

Just as a comparison, if you were straight, would you feel the need to tell them you're straight? As long as it isn't effecting someone else - relax and enjoy.

Answer 4

I have several gay mates and have virtually held their hands when they've 'come out'.
I can say that it is extremely difficult to do this, and very couragous. You cannot predict the reactions of those around you and that is frightening. But, for your own sake, open up about it. Free yourself from the burden of having to hide what is a major part of you. If people don't like it, that is their problem and they will have to get over it because you ain't gonna change.
From the experiences of my mates, I have learnt that, while some people may be disappointed and very negative initially, they will get over it in time.
Be strong, and know that there are many people like you in the same boat.
Good luck dude!!
PS. A suggestion would be to leave a note that reveals your sexuality in your mother's purse. It gives her a little time to absorb it before confronting you, and she can best formulate a way to approach your father about it.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

It's probably best if you do have a discussion with your parents. I've seen and heard the horror stories, but being honest with everyone seemed to be best for most of my friends. I am straight myself, but I have lots of gay friends and relatives. It really is up to you though. No one should push you into doing something you don't want to do. It's just that sometimes it's worse, the longer you wait. As long as your happy with who you are and where you are at, no one should be on you about coming out. If you do, I hope it goes well and I wish you the best. All that matters is that you're happy.

Answer 7

Be yourself, as an openly gay man myself I don't tell anyone about my sexual orientation unless they ask me or it comes out during a conversation or if a girl is attracted to me,cuz I have to let her know.Don't get me wrong though I am not ashamed (anymore) of being gay but it's my business and no one else's..Be comfortable with who you are and that's all..BTW when I finally came out at the age of 23 my mother cried,but now we are really close.I still haven't told my father and that's a little too hard to do at this time...Wish you the best bro--P.S What things in the past makes you think they may know?

Answer 8

Well, I came out to a lot of my friendz but I never told my family. it hasn't even been a year since I told the person. I just can't see myself tellin my parents. They'll either blame somethin or "someone" or tell me that I dont know what I'm talkin about. I wouldn't be able to take that. I know that it may sound funny but I'm waitin to fully come out when I get I get my hot body and a job and everythin. Hopefully it'll get to my mother without me tellin her and then I wont have an excuse to give her. A friend of mine told me that I should tell her B4 I am over 18, becuz by then, they can kick me out of their lives permanantly. By tellin her now, maybe they'll get used to it. I just know that right now, I'm not ready and I've been told not to do anythin on impulse. I also agree with you about the support. It's not that I dont support, its just that I woludn't be the one marchin in the streets. Nothing against it, but I'm just into that. The only I can tell U is to wait til you're ready. Hope my relation helped you.

Answer 9

well all I can tell you is to tell your parents on your sexual orientation. Its better to hear it from you than from some one else that might put more words to your mouth. You will feel better when you, either they accept you for who you are or not. I just wish you the best of luck. Parents should have unconditional love for their children and support them, no matter what.

Answer 10

When you an adult you will be equals with your parents and at that point your life is your own.
If your parents will have a huge problem with your sexuality it may be wise for you to relax, stay quiet and tell them at some point in the future.
If you feel the need to tell them in hopes of support and unconditional love...you may be disappointed.
Reading all the posts here is a testament to the lack of tolerance of many in our society. You know your parents best...and they know you too...they just may want to keep their heads buried for now.
Good luck.