I'm scared... I need advice?

Question

I'm 24 and I have not dated seriously in about two years. I have interest in some people, and one man and I have plans to go out soon...

I am terrified of starting things because I don't want to hurt anyone. I keep thinking.. what if I change my mind? What if I find that I am not attracted to him enough-- and I'm also scared that I'll try to hang in there and make myself find him attractive and then we'll end up in an unhappy relationship. I know a lot of these fears are ridiculous, but I have them and can't deny them.

I am a blessed, free woman and I love my life... so I'm just scared of painting myself in a corner. But I also realize that it is possible for me to have a partner to compliment my life and myself...

any advice or anything would be oh so helpful.

Answer 1

If you were my friend I would tell you to just date casually and have fun and not bother with a serious relationship at this time in your life.

At 24 years old why force yourself into thinking you should be dating someone seriously or having a partner to compliment your life??? Just continue being a blessed and free woman that loves your life, because I tell you the best is yet to come!

Your fears are your fears no matter how ridiculous you or anyone thinks they are. The fact of the matter is they are there and it's pretty clear to me that you are not ready to be in a serious relationship. In fact most of your fears to me sound like it's a result of either a bad experience you went through or witnessed or you simply don't have any experience. And all of that would make anyone fearful.

Just remember it's impossible to go through life not hurting anyone in any relationship in your life. I'm sure you've hurt your family and friends and they have hurt you back... this is a fact of life and relationships. Try not to be afraid of them, but think of them as a chance to learn and grow (sorry I have to mention this, because some people don't get it...abusive relationships are UNACCEPTABLE and GET OUT ASAP)

Don't force the relationship issue, enjoy life and don't worry about finding a partner. Only you know what's best for you, and when you are ready you'll find someone and you won't feel so afraid anymore. It just means you need more time to grow.

The most important thing is don't settle for anything less than what you want out of a relationship/person (being reasonable that is, wanting your man to be a billionaire who can dance like Fred Astaire and have sex like a god wouldn't be).

Having an attraction to your man is also important and I'm not talking about being good looking. Attraction to someone covers many levels, physical, emotional, spiritual etc... You should be attracted to the person you are with and you should NEVER make yourself try to feel anything that isn't there. It's not fair to you or the other person. If IT'S not there, then don't bother wasting your time.

When you find a great guy that you are attracted too and that is great for you and you find yourself still scared and unable to be in a committed relationship...then maybe it's time to talk to someone about it.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You need to do what you feel is best. You will be bringing up the baby yourself. He doesn't want to be involved. You may be able to get some support from him $$$ wise but don't count on physical involvement with the child. Are you sure you aren't clinging to the fact that you still want him in your life and using the baby to leverage that??? Think hard and long about your decision to keep the baby. It will change your life. But it won't change your x's. He is sticking to his decision, I'm sure. If not an abortion, how about adoption. Many couples want a newborn. You will give the baby and the couple a wonderful change at a stable happy life. THINK ABOUT IT. Don't be selfish. THE GUY is out of the picture, and you can't MAKE HIM be in the picture. Financially, maybe, only !!!! Just for the helluvit, why weren't YOU using protection, if the GUY doesn't want ANY KIDS ?????????????????

Answer 3

Oh sweetie your 24 and i do understand your feelings but your young, enjoy this time in your life. Dating can be scary do it with people youll feel safe and comfortable around. Maybe try dating with a group of friends or double date a few times. Dating is always about taking chances and jumping out there. Trust me dont get in a comfortable rut or stay home too much, especially when you get older because youll want to run when i guy askes you a simple question!!lol or plan your time out around your favorite show on tv.sad but true. But...you dont need to committ to anyone or be with someone to be a complete woman. So you change your mind, be respectful and kind and maybe you find some great friends along the way!

Answer 4

Don't expect one date to determine the course of the rest of your life. In fact, it would be wisest to just take things at face value and have no expectations. A date is just a date. Enjoy yourself as much as you can. If that's a lot then maybe a second date is warranted. Just remember, even a second date is just a second date. Don't look for a commitment you may not even want. You have all the time in the world to collect all the information you'll want to make a more informed decision on whether or not to pursue things further with this guy. Relax! Don't whip yourself into a frenzy or you'll have no fun at all, and what's the sense in that?

Answer 5

Don't be scared. First off, you are NOT responsible for their relationship choices. If you change your mind - then so be it; don't feel bad for being honest and breaking it off. When anyone enters a relationship, it's like signing a waiver - each person has to realise that things may change at any moment; so, each party has to be responsible for their own conduct. People are willing to take these risks, and yes, things often do go wrong; but it is seldom the end of the world. My own guideline was to try my best to be honest with myself and my mate(s); if I feel I cannot provide them with what they're after, I let them know, the rest is up to them. There's nothing wrong with not being sure in the beginning if this is the person you'd like to be with; no one expects you to jump into a fully committed relationship on day one. Just be honest in your ambivalence, and don't promise more than you can fulfill at the moment. Beyond being honest, I don't feel you can take upon yourself a responsibility of keeping everyone happy; at some point, the responsibility becomes theirs to look out for their own well-being.

Answer 6

The real problem is that you have learned to live by yourself and you are happy. Is that really a problem? Live in the moment. Start with one date. Chances are no one will propose on the first date anyway. Stop scaring yourself with what could happen if you are painted into a corner. Stay away from the corners.

Answer 7

The old "If I don't try, I can't fail" strategy. Been there and done that, but I had the extra excuse of wanting to focus on my career. In retrospect, some of that time was wasted, but I doubt anybody would have put up with a workaholic like I was for very long.

Still... I probably missed out on some valuable learning experiences.

So thing about this, "If you don't try.., you can't succeed either".

Good luck to you. You do your best, you break some hearts, your heart gets broken, and you learn how to be a better person and hopefully... you get lucky and meet the better person you deserve as a better person.

Answer 8

Don't be scared of life, it will not hurt you unless you allow it to. You are only 24, you have plenty of time ahead of you to find the right man. Don't just settle for anyone. When the right man comes along you will know. 2 yrs is nothing, you are young. Just go out have fun and enjoy life to the fullest. Once you find the right man and settle down and have a family, then you need to slow down a little but until then, the world is your oyster, go out and enjoy being young and single. Best of luck to you

Answer 9

I used to feel like that too. I couldn't stand the thought of dating someone, realizing I didn't like him and that he liked me. It always ended up that way too.

I'd want to date for the fun of it, and yet knew the guy wouldn't be the "one" (Come on you know he's not right?) because if you met someone that you really liked you would go for it. If it didn't work who cares...but YOU were the one that was attracted. Bet these guys were the ones that did the asking right?

So anyhow, go on one date, you'll know. You really should just meet them somewhere and go from there. Then you could just take off if it wasn't working out, and you don't have to rely on his taking you home.

Why do you feel someone is going to CORNER you? You have some say in the direction your life goes you know.

When you meet the right guy YOU will want to be with him. You won't have any doubts. That's all you have to know.

Answer 10

Just go out with people if you choose to, it does not have to be a long term commitment. Be honest and up fron with the person that while you are open to love, you aren't dying for it, nor will you compromise what you know that you want and need from your spouse. It may be scarry for some men to hear, but when the right one comes along it will be worth it for you both.