Marraige Problems..can I prevent a divorce?

Question

So me and my husband have been having a lot of marriage problems lately. He says he's falling out of love with me..and that when we fight (which we do a lot) that I push things too far and get on his nerves.. I do admit I do this...I just dont know how not to turn things into a fight...or how to stop them.. He wont talk to me about our problems anymore and he just shruggs them off like they dont matter to him anymore.. He's not affectionate to me and he says Im too needy and he wont wear his wedding band because it doesnt fit...he used to anyway... I feel so put off... Is there anyway I can fix things?

Oh yeah...he doesnt want to see a counslor....he suggested it awhile back...but now he doesnt anymore...

Answer 1

Have you tried counseling?

Answer 2

I firmly believe that any marriage can be turned around into a positive situation. It sounds like he has given up but you still have hope. That's a problem with one person wants it but the other person doesn't care. If he won't go to marriage counseling, which most men won't, then I would suggest you sit him down and ask him exactly what he wants. You need to be prepared for his answer whether it be good or bad. If he is still refusing to talk to you then I would arrange for seperation. If you have an alternate place you can stay until things cool down then I would do that or vice versa. If you can clearly see that he is not making an effort to work through things then I would probably look into getting a divorce. Divorce would be the absolute last choice. You cannot make him cooperate and in all reality he needs to be willing. Good Luck!

Answer 3

yes , but it is going to take a lot of work, as you have to do the changing, not him. You already admit that you you push thing to far, so you have to learn to control your self not the situation. and that is what you are trying to do, When you see a fight coming ask your self what can I do to diffuse this,the best way is not to take every thing personal, as an attack on you. . Perhaps your husband is trying to tell you some information , but you turn it around and attack him before you have thought through what he has said, so instead of blowing up at him listen to what he is saying, even if you do not like what he is saying, think about it, try to see how he might come to that conclusion, and then and only then tell him back what you think you heard and ask if that is right. This is called fair fighting and it really does work and will help if you follow the rules I gave you

Answer 4

I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like he is having an affair. For him to say he is falling out of love and since he is not wearing his wedding band. Since he refuses to see a counselor then all you can do is pray to God about it. Ask your husband to please be honest with you and tell you why he is acting the way he is acting. People are so quick to jump into a divorce these days. I hope somehow this can just be a "for worse" type of part in your marriage and you two can overcome it and continue on with the wedding vows you made and then the "for better" part will come back. Good luck to you. I know what you are going through.

Answer 5

While marriage counselor may have helped at one time, and might can now, if you could get him to go, it sounds as though he has given up. When this happens, then it can't be worked out. I got married to my hubby now thinking that it would be like the movies you know, music and roses all the time. After a while I too realized that I had to stop pushing the arguments and fights. It has been hard, but we do love one another and have been trying to stop when we feel like yelling and fighting. Try this, it worked for me, I was really tired one night and he was griping at me about something and I totally would not fight with him. I told him when I could speak without yelling that it was late and it took 2 to fight and 2 to make a marriage work and at that time I was too tired for either. I know they say don't go to bed mad, but frankly with his job and our almost 2 yr old who has the time or energy to stay up and hash it out all the time. The next day we did talk about it and I know he was as glad as I was that I just took the higher road. Granted it was and is not fun for me, but if you really do want it to work then sometimes it is better to let one of the spouses just be mad. Don't take a whole lot of BS though, if he is mentally and /or physically abusing you and is not wanting to work things out, then it may be the end for you guys. I really hope you find some peace!

Answer 6

If you have a church that you're a member of, go to the pastor for counselling.

And stop picking fights with him. Stop being needy, leave him be. In time he may "come back" to you. You have a very destructive attitude that is damaging your marriage. I'm sure your husband is not perfect either, but by your own admissions, you are the main cause of the downfall.

Answer 7

If all of this has happened, then he already knows which direction he's going to take. Look for signs of someone else in the picture, sorry to say. Let him know that he needs to be honest with you so if things are bad enough for the marriage to end, at least you would have done all you could to save it. This would be your answer on if you should start over so you can be happy too.

Answer 8

You said that you guys argue a lot but you don't say over what. Couples often turn a simple argument into a big fight, why? because none of them wants to give in. My advice will be to calmly ask him for a conversation. If you still love him start by saying that you love him and you would hate to lose him. Ask him to tell you exactly what he expects from you and listen, don't say a word until he finishes and then take your turn but without losing your temper.

Answer 9

Since he doesn't want to see a therapist, you should go on your own. It will help you figure out what to do. If he won't talk about your problems, then there's no way to resolve them.

I'm sorry, but it looks like he's ready to move on. You need to get some help and support to deal with this. It will be hard for a while, but you'll be stronger in the end.

Answer 10

i'm so sorry. don't take this the wrong way. why the hell is it that the men never take the responsibility of picking the fights. not every woman starts every fight. unless you ask the man's side of it. i'm sorry honey. if your man doesn't care enough to listen to what your feeling he doesn't deserve you. you should be able to speak your feelings whatever they may be and he should have to listen. if he doesn't care any more than that you may need to just cut your losses and move on with your life. good luck.i hope it all works out for you and your husband.

Answer 11

First of all if he does not want to see a counselor then you need to see one on your own to help you know what to do and how to work on this marriage. The only one that you have the power to change is you! He needs to get his ring resized or you should buy him a new one that does fit!!!! This is just and excuse for him not to wear it I think....