.............after rewarding jerks with sex? This tendency is extremely confusing to thoughtful men. It detracts immensely from the validity of complaints that there are so few good men out there. I know this is the domain of young and/or low-self-esteem women, but there still seems to be a more denial & false justification for this than there should be, even by women who don't go after jerks. Why the denial and false justification of this?
2007-01-22 09:04:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
NO! Women don't want a nice guy. They want one that blanks all over them. One that takes them to bed and tells them a bunch of lies. I don't know what it is but women love to be mistreated. So when a nice guy come along they mistreat him.
Nice Guys vs Jerks
I'm a man, and I think I know why jerks get more women than nice guys. One is attitude. I think that when people think that when you're a "nice guy", it really means that you're clingy and submissive in a sort of way. A "jerk" is someone who moves with the attitude of "yes, I can and will have you, but if i don't then so what?" which suddenly makes the WOMEN the pursuer rather than the pursuees. This is related to *********, but more importantly self-confidence, which I notice a lot of "nice guys" lack.
Another is androgyny. From what I heard from a summary of a Men' Health article ("How to make women hate you" or something like that), "nice guys" tend to think that showing sexual interest or being sexual at all will be threatening to woman and therefore won't do it. "Jerks", however, will. This is important because sexuality indicates your sex or something like that and if you aren't sexual then you come off as androgynous, which is a turnoff.
Change these attitudes and you turn from a "nice guy" to a nice "guy", someone who is in the middle ground between needy sniveling boys and mean bastards. I'm not saying that all men who think they are nice guys have the aforementioned traits, but more often than not... Well, that's just my opinion.
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Why do some women dislike nice guys and want jerks. Well, it depends on how you define jerks. First off a jerk is not a man who beats up a woman. A jerk is not someone who is extremely undependable and openly flirts with other women while on a date with a woman. A jerk is not a guy that's jobless or homeless or just treats a woman like complete dirt. Let's call a spade a spade my friend and all of the aforementioned men are losers.
These guys can't keep a woman and lose women on a regular basis. Like my pop told me, "even a broke woman doesn't want a broke man and women love respect and they seek out men that give it to 'em". If a women stays with a guy who disrespects her than she doesn't respect herself and you shouldn't want her anyway.
Now there are some women out there, a small percent, who do like nice guys. You know what my definition of a nice guy is? Is the courteous type that pulls out chairs and open doors a nice guy? No he's a gentleman, you're supposed to do that sort of stuff. Women define nice guys as the guys who they can walk over. Like the poor, stupid jerks who contemplate suicide when their woman leaves them, "I can't live without her", what a loser. The guys who obey their woman's every command like a goddamn genie, these are the nice guys women despise.
Now you're saying to yourself why wouldn't a woman want a guy like this? Well I'm gonna tell you why. Men like that are weak and needy. If your readers are reading this and they fall into that category, they need to quit it. Women like gentlemen. They also like men who set their own rules and have their own beliefs.
I'll give you an example of a guy who gets jilted for being nice. I recently got a pinup calendar of women in swimsuits from a buddy of mine. His girlfriend wouldn't allow him to keep it in the house. Is he a schmuck or what. He pays the bills and she sits on her *** all day and she's dictating policy? Had that have been me, she would have got the hell out and I would have kept the calendar. You know why, because of principal.
I also guarantee that she'd be coming back three days later saying how sorry she was. Now two things came of this incident, one, she won't pull stunts like that again and two, she knows that I'm strong and I stand up for what I believe in. Was I being a jerk? She probably called me a jerk as she was leaving. Does she love me more now? Yeah, because women love strong minded men.
All you fellas out there, do not let women walk over you. If they threaten to leave, $%ck 'em. If a woman really loves you, she wouldn't leave you for something trivial anyway. You're better off without her. As she's leaving, thank her for showing her true colors. Basically, women admire physical and mental strength. They don't want someone they can control, they want someone they can respect. The most important thing is that when you become this guy, you also respect yourself and you like the guy that's living inside your skin.
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Well, I have to say that I don't believe girls prefer jerks over nice guys. I've been a nice guy all my life, (subjectively speaking and considering I'm 23 its not long either) and haven't had any problems getting girls. I believe single girls like nice guys, the problem is that most nice guys turn into a jerk overtime. And so, when we see the girl with the jerk we always wonder why the hell she ever went out with him in the first place. I'd, be lying if I said I was immune to it, the mutation, .... but it happens in less degree to some.
2007-01-22 09:11:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 3⤋
To put it bluntly, I don't think most women want to admit that they're pissing in the drinking water.
The problem with "jerks" is that they exhibit alpha traits: confidence, indifference, assurance. Women are drawn to this on a visceral level, and those that are too dim to use their higher brain to ignore it reward the behavior. And as we all know, there's certainly a lot more stupid people than smart ones (men and women).
Niceguys, on the other hand, are acting like they were TAUGHT, usually by mothers, almost always by other women. That is, they believe that women want a "sensitive" man, to be their best friend and close confidant, to give her a shoulder to cry on.
Bleh. Typing that last paragraph made me want to retch. And that's the reaction of most women, too. But women keep assuring clueless men this is exactly what they want, while at the same time creaming their jeans over the first guy to tell them "no."
The simple answer seems to be that most women don't know what the hell they want. They THINK they want a niceguy, but they keep falling into bed with a guy who would just as soon slap them as look at them. And like I mentioned at the top, few people are going to be honest enough to admit to doing something so idiotic.
2007-01-22 09:56:52 · answer #2 · answered by Steve 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
No one's denying it (that young and/or low self-esteem...and I will add stupid, women do this). (Are they? I've yet to witness it.) As for "false justification"...you mean like "they're stupid, young, and/or have low self-esteem?" It doesn't "justify" it, but aren't those the reasons why it happens? (I guess, I honestly don't know.) And why are you worried about who those kind of girls want, anyway? What about the "nice girls"? Ya know what nice girls who want the nice guys say?..."Why are all of the nice guys going after the skanks who are going to blow them off for the a$$holes, anyway?" It works both ways.
P.S. Please don't let it jade you to the point that you stop being a "nice guy." There ARE good girls out there who will appreciate you. And please remember that there are plenty of girls out there who feel the same exact way.
2007-01-22 17:05:54 · answer #3 · answered by wendy g 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its easy.
First and foremost, most of the men I've ever met who complain that they're a nice guy and can't get girls are severely lacking in self esteem and confidence. (And honestly, the one's I've known- though it obviously isn't the rule- were also unattractive and had no idea how to talk to women.They saw "girl", not another human being. That's hardly attractive) It doesn't matter if those guys are 'nice', women don't want to date guys with issues. Jerks generally have both self-confidence and self esteem, and that's attractive.
Secondly, women like jerks for the same reason guys like skanky girls. Those people are fun, entertaining, and temporary. If you're with a person like that, some part of you just doesn't take it seriously, so you don't worry about it, and just have fun. People like that are simply temporary indulgences- few people are stupid enough to actually get into a long term relationship with someone like that.
Lastly, plenty of nice guys get the girl. Its just a matter of how you present yourself. Its just a matter of having self-confidence, high self esteem, and being successful in what you do. And be nice without being boring, or being a pushover! (too often, nice and boring mean the same thing in people!)
That's what I've seen, at least. Hope it helps!
Edit:
I absolutely agree with Chuck- "nice" guys are the guys who let you walk all over them. They refuse to stand their ground, refuse to make desisions, refuse to argue, constantly ask 'what do you want to do? What can I do for you? I just want to make you happy, whatever it takes!" They have no personality! No woman wants that! Its BORING. Whats the point of dating someone that just does what you want them to? If I wanted that, I'd get a dog, not a boyfriend! If I wanted to be waited on hand and foot, I'd hire a servant! Nice guys tend to stick girls up on a pedestal, and they can do no wrong. Those are the men who whine and complain that they can't get girls. I only date men who are strong minded, independent, and will argue back! I want a fellow human being, not a pushover who is willing to give up his personality if i tell him to. I have to date someone I respect, and I can't respect overly nice guys.
And chuck was right- I'd respect him for keeping the calander, no matter how mad I got. I might censor it, but I'd respect him for keeping it.
2007-01-22 09:49:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
As an expert in the study of "PsychoChicks"... no, the ones who mistreat guys just don't care. What it boils down to is a couple things: Greed and Ego.
Greed matters because it sucks to repent, to actually care about those you have hurt. (This is true for both genders.) Ego matters because esteem is a huge factor in all this.
People (again, this has little to do with gender) don't like feeling worthless, they like having their value confirmed.. But when someone has an esteem problem, it gets more complicated: they reject nice guys because they do not understand their own value -- if someone is saying good things about them, they must be lying since they see no good in themselves.
The jerk, well, he must be telling the truth: he says she is only good for a quick fling, and since she believes that of herself, he must be honest.
In short: anyone that rejects you for being "too nice" should be avoided. You are only wasting your time and emotions -- they will continue to reject you and it really isn't worth the trip to hell caring about them when they refuse it.
Be yourself at all costs. Love yourself so that you don't become the male version of a psychochick.
2007-01-22 09:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by snarlydwarf 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
An asshole is exactly the kind of guy they deserve.
They know it. They know that any guy that treats them with anything but utter contempt or disregaurd is weak. Because they are ****. They dont deserve to be loved or respected.
Good girls dont hate nice guys. ***** do.
2007-01-22 14:24:53 · answer #6 · answered by Mike D 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
I might turn the quesion around... why do men reward women who are bitches, but not women who are genuinely nice? What women are you talking about? Are you talking about he above mentioned bitches? I don't mistreat nice guys. I don't reward asses with sex, I don't even talk to them unless I have to.
2007-01-22 09:16:43 · answer #7 · answered by raininberkeley 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Some of us do. And it's up to us to show the others. Although I fear it may be too late.
2007-01-22 09:08:01 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly M 2 · 7⤊ 0⤋
women don't want nice guys..that's a lie..they want ash holes..just look at bill Clinton..he is a pig..asking Paul Jones to kiss it..come on what kind of guy is that..a pig but women want him..women are nuts..no way around it..
2007-01-22 09:10:37 · answer #9 · answered by Kingofreportedabuse 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋