Two years ago my husband had a sexual encounter with a co worker. Four months later she told him she was pregnant with his baby. On his desperation he recognized the baby as his without taking a peternity test. Now two years later (the baby is one yers old) I just found out. The thing isI have three kids, the younger is just 20 days old and Im devastaded. My husband is a mess, he has asked for my forgiveness and confronted all our family, even my parents. Everyone is in shock because my husband character is not of a cheater. He says he had way too much alcohol that night. Im mad, frustrated and dont know what to do. Please help!!
2007-01-22 08:24:28 · 19 answers · asked by chola 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are his, we been married for eleven years.
2007-01-22 10:10:26 · update #1
I think you have to find out for sure if child is really his (blood test,) because some woman do such stuff just getting daddy for their babes. So you have to find out.the truth.
And then I believe that TJ here gave you a very good advise. It's hard, but if you believe you can handle that, go for that.
Oh, girl, I really believe you have to fight for your marriage and win it! Evil works everywhere and wears different faces, but God on your side and even if it's going to be very difficult you WILL get your happiness back. Just remember that everything happened for reason, it will help you.
YOU CAN DO THAT, GIRL!
God help you.
2007-01-22 08:45:55 · answer #1 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truly feel for you with this one. I believe most people are capable of cheating... and that even good people can make HUGE mistakes. A moment of poor judgement can give a lifetime of clarity. The fact that he came out and told your whole family is a sign he's had that moment of clarity... and that he regrets it. Most people would hide that shame but he wants everyone to know HE ****** up... and he wants everyone to know how bad he wants to make it up to you. He obviously loves you very much, and it sounds like you love him too. So you should ask yourself. Can you get over this? Can you move past it? Can you still picture having a happy life with this man? The answers to those questions will tell you what you need to do.
As for the baby, this complicates an already very hard decision, because there will always be that reminder. I'd ask for a praternity test now. If it is his child, then he does need to take responsibility for it and there is no escaping that.
2007-01-22 16:52:49 · answer #2 · answered by CEP 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you believe his character is not as a cheater and that he went overboard one night - which does happen, though that doesn't make it right - then you and your husband need to take partial responsibility for that child, and you will probably need some counseling - not easy for either of you.
It's really whether you want to suck it up, accept him and his mistake, and work past it, or if it's the last straw of many straws, then end it.
It sounds like although you feel hurt and betrayed (and rightly so) that you still believe in him and love him. If so, and you have the emotional energy to work it out, go for it.
Either way, he has a responsibility for the child, whether you're in the picture or not.
Good luck
2007-01-22 16:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by T J 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It took him two years to confess all of this to you and probably because he could not keep it a secret any longer. The supposedly one time thing may have been a mistake that could be forgiven. Two years of betrayal a lot harder to get passed. The marriage has taken a real beating. I would say that you can not make any decisions right at this moment. You need to get by yourself acknowledge the pain you feel, the betrayal, what impact this child has on you and then decide. No one likes to feel that they have been deceived by the person they are faithful to. It hurts. It hurts deep. It took him two years to come clean. It is going to take you awhile to figure out what you want to do with this mess that he has brought to your family.
2007-01-26 11:57:24 · answer #4 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has always been a good husband and this is the first time, and he absolutely cut all ties with this other woman, then there might be a good chance to save the marriage. You both need to seek counseling to see what the reason for the affair was. Too much alcohol is no excuse. Once you both can get to the cause of the affair then you can both proceed with building back your marriage. Good luck to you both.
2007-01-22 16:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a terrible situation, only you can decide what is best to do. If you were a happy family before this happened and you think YOU would be able to get over what happened, maybe it would be worth giving him another chance. BUT why didn't he tell you when it happened or at least when he found out she was pregnant? Also get him to take a paternity test the child may not even be his.
2007-01-22 16:37:08 · answer #6 · answered by Weiners and Beans 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am so sorry. But, unfortunately, no one can tell you what to do because, in the end, you have to do what your heart directs. I personally would leave. But you may have the one guy in America who is genuinely sorry after cheating and won't do it again. The only thing I can really suggest is that you do get out of there temporarily to clear your head and find a counselor of some sort quickly. Pastor, marriage, doesn't matter. But do it now.
2007-01-22 16:32:51 · answer #7 · answered by sassy2midnite 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs to order a paternity test before paying anything!
as for the other things, my personal belief is that alcohol is just an excuse. he could have stopped at ANY time. once a cheater, always a cheater. go to a counselor if you want to take him back, or leave him with at least 3 kids to support (provided your kids are his too). not saying that you cheated, i just don't know how long you've been married for.
good luck, and i hope your decision is a good one.
2007-01-22 16:51:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry this has happened to you but if he did it then told you right away I'd give him a chance, since he has had lots of talks with this lady since and all without you knowing then I'd kick his *** to the curb, this is too much for anyone to handle, you get yourself some child support and carry on, if he can hide something like this for as long as he did you will never ever be able to trust him, sorry
2007-01-22 16:37:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first of all, and dont take this the wrong way, he's stupid for recognizing that child without paternity. he could be giving this woman money for a child that is not his. so he needs to establish that first off. then i think you guys should proceed from there. if it is his baby then decide what you want to do. and if you decide to stay then i strongly recommend marital counseling. and if it especially not in his character to cheat then maybe give him another chance. but i cant tell you what to do. this is all up to you. good luck hun and congrats on your new little one.
2007-01-22 16:39:43 · answer #10 · answered by cmgrpgdjg0406 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋