I feel hurt, desperate, calm, positive, negative, and even sorry for him. One day I think I should be firm with him and am full of self-respect. Then I feel sorry for his obvious struggle and think i should give him time, because these things are happening everywhere. Why destroy the home of our kids prematurely? But then again, i see the perverseness of tolerating his cheating as his wife. He says nothing would work in the long run if he would try to supress his current emotional chaos and fake the domestic peace. So he needs time.He wants to see a therapist to find out why this has happened to him. Shoud I wait?
2007-01-22 08:13:36 · 18 answers · asked by mary b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You both need a therapist and you both need joint therapy. That is the only way you will get beyond the current chaos of your feelings and be able make wise decisions.
2007-01-22 08:17:48 · answer #1 · answered by Brent 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's willing to go to therapy, and you have kids, then give it time. It's better if he ends any other relationship while he's giving therapy a try. However, if he's always been the type to cheat (think Newt Gingrich or Bill Clinton), then you either have to look the other way or leave. Personally, I wouldn't want to be married to a cheater, but if there's a chance he can get insight into why he's this way, give it a shot.
Put a time limit on this, so you're not in the same place in six months or a year.
2007-01-22 16:19:24 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Feeling different everyday is natural. Its an emotional roller coaster when people are forced to deal with these kind of issues. You should both go to counselling together. He needs to work out his feelings, and you need to work out yours too. You need to make a decision... 'can you get past this'. If you can, everything will heal with time and you'll both work things out. You may find your relationship stronger then ever, having faced a crisis and conquered it. However, if you can't work things out, then at least you know that and can continue with your life accordingly.
2007-01-22 16:22:25 · answer #3 · answered by CEP 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you go through so many emotionals when a spouse cheats - you feel like you are crazy. it is normal to feel confused - the only decision you have to make right this instance is to not sleep with him because of STDs. everything else can wait til you are both ready to find a solution. the rage was the hardest for me - and i just couldnt shake the picture i had in my head. i am now divorced - thank god - i have a wonderful man in my life 4 years after leaving my x husband. i still feel the repercussions of what my ex did (trust issues) but i am working on them. heal yourself first...then if your marriage is worth saving, you and him can heal together. just dont be hasty.
2007-01-22 16:22:18 · answer #4 · answered by wendyhannan0130 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how log have you been married to him???? He should know that you are very calm, positive to talk to. If you were my wife and I have to tell you something how I feel and You would not be upset because I knowing you so long... I can't image do that to my wife. My wife i have I can talk to her about anything and she very open and she tells me ohh wow. But you know I tell her everything before anyone tell her. I want to be the first person to tell.
Like If i am going to go to the movies with female woman I let my wife know no matter what and she was like why you aksing me and I trust you.. went to work next day and came home and said wow, 5 to 10 women at work told my wife saw your husband with other woman at the movie... and she was glad that I was the first person to tell. and I asked her did you tell them I told you.. She said I sure did I told them that My husband told me before you did. and He want to make srue that he is the first person.. I think it because we love eachother so much and we trust each other and keep our line open all the time no matter what. all the women like wow I wish my husband like that.
You know what I mean... He knew why he married you because he found the right person but he know that you won't be mad might be little or more but will get over it. but he choose not to talk to you.... wow, I do hope and your kids need your support and let your husband get help and see what happen.
2007-01-22 16:51:17 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make it a couple session to see a counselor and things may work out in the long run. Marriages are not one sided regardless to what happens, both of you need to be on the same thought process for things to work out.
2007-01-22 16:33:35 · answer #6 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, from experience, I say no. HE cheated, he chose not to talk to you and try to work things out...let you know he was unhappy and he chose not to try to make things different... He cheated, and he will do it again....He probably did it because he was too lazy to opt for the higher road. I dont know what a therapist is going to tell him to make it "all better".
I think that it is better for children to see their parents happy, instead of together and unhappy. I surely didnt want my son to see that unhealthy relationship. Good luck! I know that it is a very difficult to decision!
2007-01-22 16:19:40 · answer #7 · answered by daisy31 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry onced a cheater always a cheater. You never get past that he cheated and you do not trust again. I been there. My ex cheated on my four times before I finally saw he would never change. Move on while you are young . Get counciling to deal with the pain. But it is never the same.
2007-01-22 16:21:12 · answer #8 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Im sorry this happened to u sweetie, i love my husband with everything i have and i cant imagine how you feel, but I guess I would wait and see what therapy can do and when he works on himself, you go to therapy and work on yourself, then go to therapy together. If you still cant move on then maybe its time to leave. Just try first!
2007-01-22 16:19:05 · answer #9 · answered by marinewife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So he feels he needs a therapist to tell him why he unzipped his zipper and screwed someone he shouldn't have? What are you kidding me? He is making lame excuses for being stupid and I wouldnt wait for his cheating asss. He cheated but he needs time? Puh-leeze dont fall for the okey doke!!!!! The home of your kids is already damaged because daddy and mommy are suppose to set examples and show kids how to do it and do it right....yeah we make mistakes but in all my 37 years I have never mistakenly unzipped my zipper or screwed the wrong one so I can not nor will I EVER sympathize with a cheater. They are ALL full of sh*t!!!!!!!
2007-01-22 16:21:13 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋