If you have not really been around people much then your confidence in dealing with people will have been affected. Add on to that your mistrust then it is no wonder that you are still trying to find your feet.
Sometimes, in life, when things aren't nice, we withdraw from them and that is what happened to you ; you withdrew from things that you thought could hurt you. Depression causes further withdrawal.
What I think will help is a step by step approach. You see, for many years you have 'protected' yourself against people, so that trust will not come back straight away. You need to work on rebuilding yourself. Start off with what feels least threatening, something you think you can cope with. When you are with people, perhaps limit the amount of time you spend with them and gradually build it up so you are not pushed too far out of your comfort zone. But to progress you will need to step just outside of this zone and it is normal and natural for it to feel strange or 'not right' at first. The more you do it, the easier it will become.
If you feel happier just being with one or two people, then there's nothing wrong with that.
When you're with people, really try to focus on what they're saying rather than the situation you find yourself in.
If you work on this and make sure that you do see people, the confidence and trust WILL come. The urge to withdraw when it gets uncomfortable is okay...but try not to...try to stay with the situation.
There will of course be times when you meet someone that you cannot really trust....that's okay....you don't have to be pals with them.
I think the best advice I can give you is to keep at it....being with people....the more you do it, the more relaxed you'll become and yes, you will begin to enjoy it.
It is so tempting to think...'no, I'm not gonna go' because that is the easier option but that will get you nowhere except perhaps back into a more depressive state.
I have been on a journey that has similarities to yours and I know how far I have come, some of that journey has been really hard and I've wanted to shut the whole world out, but I found that by forcing myself into these situations on a regular basis things are a whole lot easier. It will be for you too.
Best wishes.
2007-01-22 08:17:21
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answer #1
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answered by Anonymous
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I have a nephew 26 who appears to have much in common with your description . He was bullied relentlessly by his older brother and belittled and he still has depression and doesn't like to be around people. He's missed out on his teenage years for the most part and still has never had a date and lives with his mother. His father died in an accident shortly after his birth so he didn't have a male role model in the house. He's always changed his mind about even seeking help which he needs . I do understand your feelings and the long lasting affects this sort of thing can have on a person. Although I'm approaching 50 now I still remember how horrible my 5th and 6th grade teachers treated me in school , making fun of me and humiliating me in front of the class because they felt I talked to slow. It had some lasting effects on me. What helped me was when going to junior high I was then exposed to other people who didn't know of this and the teasing stopped . If I may I'd recommend you try hanging around some people new and who have no previous conceptions of you as a person and this may be of some benefit to you .
Try to fight any feelings you may have of being inadequate in any way if indeed you have such feelings. It's the bullies that indeed suffer from these problems and not yourself . It is very easy to become tougher on yourself than anyone else could be given what you've gone through. After a time it's difficult to shake the things you've been told by such bullies but try and realize it's they who have the problem and not you . Take a stand and tell yourself over and over I'm tired of this and I refuse to let these past problems continue , after all it was others who had the real problem and don't blame yourself nor be tough on yourself , your a worthy good person whom deserves more out of life so don't sell yourself short please . Try surrounding yourself with upbeat and perhaps new people as this may help . I don't feel this will always be a problem for you , but you alone have the power within yourself to end it . I mentioned upbeat people because they are easier to talk with and open up to and will make it easier dealing with the trust issues. Also in closing I'd like to say that never allow someone else to define who you are as a person , only you know that . That goes for you also , don't look at yourself in negative ways and realize you have the power to change any problem you may encounter . I appreciate having the opportunity to speak with you on this matter . Best of wishes to you and you can overcome this I'm certain of it.
2007-01-22 08:49:06
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answer #2
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answered by Anonymous
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I know just how you feel. I'm 22 and for the first part of my life I was bullied, abused sexually, physically, and mentally; betrayed by my own mother, and taunted for being poor at school. For the second part i spent time as an outcast in high school and the then an ugly duckling turned swan. Everyone wanted to know me. It was hard not to wonder why and what they were really up to. Till now i still feel as though when people are trying to get to know me that they have an ulterior motive, and are out to get me in some way. So as for trust issues, i totally feel where you're coming from. I tried therapy myself, and while I'm not as bad i still have issues. Don't really care for people or for that matter understand them too much when it comes to intimacy. I don't have an answer for you, but i know what a tough struggle it can be especially if you have to be around people all the time. Just wanted to say ur not alone. Let me know what you come up with please!
2007-01-22 08:49:09
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answer #3
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answered by Lah-Dee-Dah 2
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It is easy for me to say , but i am sure not easy to do .
The past is gone ... leave it behind you and go forward
Nobody knows what the future holds , but i am sure it is better and more positive to step forward , than stay sad where you are .
.
. Maybe the friends you had ,were also depressed , which made you the same, in turn
Try to do something that really interests and challenges you,
That will boost your self esteem ,
You have taken All the nasty knocks.
You are not alone in the effort of finding yourself .
LET, your new out-going self, help others ,
with troubles like your own ,
Real freindship will happen, but it takes time
..
You are in your 20's , the world is at your feet
Go for it ,
and all the best of luck
>^,,^<
Social life will come from most surprising places
2007-01-22 08:34:38
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answer #4
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answered by sweet-cookie 6
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I was solitary as a child, even though I had brothers and didn't struggle to be liked.... I have suffered depression for years and I still don't like to be around people.
The only way I can combat this is to choose very carefully who I spend any time with. I have no social life but I think I could have one .. I will wait until the right person(s) come along.
Trust has to be earned .. so try meeting people as part of larger group and then narrow things down. Just remember that it doesn't make you a bad person if you don't "love everybody".
Good luck.
2007-01-22 08:32:06
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answer #5
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answered by tattooed.dragon 3
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There you go!
A room full of people answering your question, now how many of these would you WANT to be around?
The media makes up try to live up to the 'friends' lifestyle but that is false and bulsh**t. The older you get the more you realise a couple of close friends is far better than trying to be Mr popular 2007. You will find more company with them than in a warehouse full of socialites.
On trust, only trust your close friends, never casual ones they have a habit of dissapearing when you need them.
Nothing wrong with you mate, nor are you missing anything.
*Sweet-cookie knows what she is talking about!*
2007-01-22 08:25:29
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answer #6
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answered by Northern Spriggan 6
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I've suffered severe mental health issues in the past and there really is no quick fix.
It is important that you make an effort to socialise, as another responder said there are a lot of wankers out there and if you don't socialise you wont be able to see the bastards coming.
You don't mention the type of treatment you received (was it just drugs or did you receive psychotherapy?) some form of assertivness training may be appropriate.
Possibly you should go back to your Dr. and discuss this or contact M.I.N.D. who will be able to put you in touch with people with similar experiences. its always easier to develop trust of those whom you know through mutual experience.
2007-01-22 08:17:05
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answer #7
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answered by Anonymous
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You will trust again when people earn it. That being said, you may have to work on it a bit too. It seems to me part of the probleme is that you figure you should like to be around people. If that is important to you than work on it. Otherwise, I think it is ok if you don't like to be around others. I hope you can gain some friends that you can feel comfortable with and like to be around. But if that is not what you want, that is ok too.
2007-01-22 08:27:10
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answer #8
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answered by Bag-A-Donuts 4
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Well, I was never bullied, but I nevertheless dislike people in general... As somebody had said "I like human beings, it's people I can't stand". At some point in my life I didn't even want to socialize with my friends. This stage passed in a few years. Not that I started to like people, but I just started to look for positive side of socializing with people I do like, and to enjoy doing what I do.
The hardest thing for me was to force my mind to switch from negative to positive attitude, but when it works, it works.
And you may start here: you don't have to trust everybody, just those you like. Take small steps at a time, the main thing is to shift your own attitude, and everything will start to change little by little.
Be cool and have trust in yourself.
2007-01-22 08:23:46
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answer #9
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answered by Sattva 2
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I think I am quite like yourself... I always found it hard to 'fit in' in school and in social situations. Wherever i have worked, people always see me as being 'quiet' and maybe a bit aloof. It takes me a while to trust people and when i trust them I get on fine! I also prefer having one friend over at a time also and I greatly value my time to myself. I guess there's just people that like crowds and those that dont. Maybe its not a problem but a different personality. Only that those very sociable people make us feel that we have a problem? I find friends of the opposite sex are better to get on with also.
2007-01-22 08:11:01
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answer #10
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answered by cats_fender 2
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