Seeking custody of my 8 year old son?

Question

My son visisted me in December. He told me that his new step father has been abusive to his own son and it intimidated him. His mother met and married this man within a two month period. When it came time to take my son to his mother, I left a message to his mother informing her I would be late. Before listening to her voice mail, her new husband called me and we had a very explosive conversation, ending with him threatening me! He does not even know me. With what my son told me and the demonstration of poor anger management skills, I filed a child abuse report on behalf of my son. I have filed for a change in custody for him. When I attempted to increase my visitation with my son to make him feel more secure and safe, his mother denied me. For that matter, she has totally denied all access to my son. She will not allow me to have my son for our visit. My attorney informed me there's nothing I can do until the set court date, which is in March. Anything I can do?

Answer 1

Your attorney is right, unfortunately unless you want to screw things up and lose in court. You cannot just go and redo the judges orders on visitation by yourself. You have to petition the court for a remodification hearing on child custody/visitation and have the judge modify the divorce decree accordingly if its justified. A fine point here; what you have above is basically hearsay and the courts dont like hearsay. If you can get it, you nedd concrete evidence for the judge to prove that your son and the other boy are in a hostile and endangering environment and both boys should be removed for their own safety and well being. These are serious allegations and the judge will surely require solid evidence. I understand your position but once it gets to court and the step father argues against you saying your son has a wild imagination or such, then it boils down to your word against his and since they have custody, you will be made out to be a revengeful father and there alots of them out there. He can also argue that he threatened you after having a bad day at work and apologize for his bad behavior and if the judge believes him youre dead in the water. Do you see where Im going with this?Im not telling you youre going to lose but you need to be prepared to take on an idiot. I agree with you totally and really want you to win this one, so Im telling you unless you have evidence to back you up then you have nothing. I would check with the police dept to see if there are ant domestic violence calls there or check discreetly the neighborhood for anyone who might know something that will be useful to you but getting them to testify in court may be something else. Since youre bringing her back to court then itll be up to you to prove to the judge youre right, not her defending herself on not being an unfit mother. It wont be easy unless you have proof. I have personally seen many kids recount their allegations once in court and embarass the parent in front of the judge which is not a good thing. Good luck

Answer 2

DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT!! Keep a journal of every denied visitation, every time you call and are not allowed to speak with your son, etc. Your attorney is correct. Until you get to court, there's not much you can do. YOU NEED TO DO THIS LEGALLY so you don't end up looking bad. Make sure to write down details of conversations, etc. That journal could be your proof positive that she is denying your visitation. Step-father HAS NO RIGHTS TO YOUR SON! If possible, have your attorney invoke the rule that makes him stay out of the courtroom when you get to court.

Make sure you have a copy of the CPS report and also write down the conversation with the step-father when he threatened you.

Keep really good records, dates, times, etc. All of these things will help you in court.

Answer 3

Until your court date there seems to be no hope unless you consider sitting down and humbly asking for visitation. It's hard to see your child going through something and you can't be there to hold them. Have you thought about sending letters or postcards? He may never get them but it's worth a try and when your son gets older he will realize that you had him in mind the whole time. Some words of advice would be to remind everyone involved that this is always about what is best for the child. Sometimes we all have to put aside our feelings to satisfy ourselves in order to fully care for a child in an appropriate loving, safe mannor. Good luck and may all the truth come out in the end.

Answer 4

Depends on the state - usually if the visitation arrangements were court ordered, then the court can enforce them...but the judge would have to rule.

You may not be able to win a neglect or abuse charge as YOUR son has not been abused, rather HIS son - however, perhaps the courts will order a home study by DHS to see if your son's environment is unhealthy/unsafe for him.

In the meantime, go ahead with your petition for full custody and Iwish you well!

Answer 5

I can understand your upset and I don't blame you. If your attorney has said there's nothing you can do until the court date than believe him/her. It's their job to help you - I don't think they'd lie to you about it. In the meantime, call your exwife and continue asking to see your son or at least talking to him on the phone. As when you get custody, don't punish your son by not letting him see his mother. Give her husband's abusive nature, have the court set guidelines where she can visit him alone or have supervised visits if he's present. Remember it's not your son's fault. Good luck with everything.

Answer 6

I'm not sure which is sadder, you or the mother. The only way to do right by your son at this point is to let the grandparents have custody, and you start exercising your visitation and be involved in his life. He has needed you to be his father and you could have pressed to be in his life, but you didn't. You should also pay for your son's counseling for the damage of you not trying to be in his life and now deciding you want to be. I can't imagine sitting back and letting someone keep me from my child and not doing everything possible to be in his life.

Answer 7

First talk to a police officer if you know one. He can give you some options. Also try DHS Child SVCS and tell them of your concern. Because if you have court ordered visitation than she is in contempt of court by not letting you see the child. You might also call the court where you got the divorce and see if you can get an audience with the judge who heard your case. He may be able to just make a phone call to her and get it fixed before you go to court. Lots of luck

Answer 8

Number one, you filed abuse charges on behalf of your son when there was nothing to file upon. This man abused HIS son, not your's and the fact that it scared your son is NOT abuse. In otherwords you filed false charges against him...so your ex-wife has the right to deny you visitiaton. All you can do is sit tight now until March. You put yourself in the position you are in now.

Answer 9

Welcome to my husbands world! All I can say is good luck. My husband got divorced in 1999 and gone thruogh this with his ex- she is on her third husband, She has always used the kids against him, the courts side with her even when know she is lying.

If your ex doesnt do drugs or prostitute herself-my advice is try to get along. The kid may play both sides.....

Answer 10

Listen to your lawyer.