My wife, who is 9 years older than I am, has put on several pounds since we were married. She used to look dynamite with her dress and overall care, but it has changed for the worse. I think she takes us for granted. How do I get her to take better care of herself for her and us?
2007-01-22 07:44:13 · 21 answers · asked by JReid 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW! Lot of mean answers here- with the exception of a couple......regardless of what SOME people have to say, physical attractiveness IS IMPORTANT in a marriage--sorry, but its true. And to MEN especially.....it doesn't mean you don't love her, but you certainly CAN lose attraction in someone who lets themselves go!
And that fool that asked, "who's "us"?" DUH! You two are married....ONE FLESH! Thats who the "US" is!!!!
I agree with everyone that said to start working out together. I am a personal trainer in Chicago, and I have several clients that are husband and wife......and it is really gratifying to see a team that are man and wife really make noticable improvements in their appearance........you will be surprised HOW MANY AREAS of their relationship improve.......plus all the confidence....go for it as a team! You can do it!
2007-01-22 07:59:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Although historically it was usually men who got fat after marriage, it is not that way anymore. More and more it's women gaining most of the post-marriage weight. Why? It's not important right here. I have some ideas but no real evidence.
"Several pounds" = 5? 50? People need to understand that you have responsibilities to your spouse. Men and women. Keep yourself looking decent and healthy.
Although women feel free to complain about fat husbands, men who say anything about fat wives are cut to pieces. Nobody should be expected to be happy with the 50+ pound weight gain of their spouse. This is unhealthy for the person and the relationship.
People don't need to look like models forever, but they should be getting far.
As for YOUR wife: there is nothing you can do. She'll poison your food if you say anything. All you can do is hope. Maybe start biking. Invite her to come. Once, each time you go. Go for walks.
Good luck.
2007-01-22 08:07:16 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The fact she is 9 years older than you has nothing to do with this. In most marriages, men as well as women, after your married you tend to let yourself go and are comfortable with your spouse, no longer out looking for an attraction. Women usually gain weight during child bearing, men seem to gain during their 40's. In my case I was small in my younger days, up in weight when my girls were born but took the extra off when my youngest turned 2. I have kept my weight steady until about 2 years ago when I started into perrimenopause, no matter what I do or eat I have gained 50 pounds. Because of the perrimenopause so many women that have gone through it or are going through it say this is not unusual and will level out and the weight will begin to drop off as soon as I get through this stage. It has me upset and out of sorts but with the love and support of my fiancee I do believe I will get past this. Just be supportive of your wife too and let her know you are there for her.
2007-01-22 07:59:59 · answer #3 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Weight gain is common after marriage. Several pounds shouldn't be a big deal . I would suggest that you work out together and eat healthier meals. Don't criticize her for the weight gain and don't nag her about either. She will lose the weight when she's ready.
2007-01-22 07:50:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
women don't like to hear that they've gained weight..so i think it's important that you are very sensitive with your words. you should tell her that you want to start eating healthier and going to work out..if she doesn't join in right away, chances are she will soon. she'll see how good you look and want to impress you the same way you impressed her. try getting gym memberships for both of you..the gym has become universal for everyone to go to, so i'm sure she won't take it in a bad way, especially if you show concern for taking care of yourself. you could also sign up for some classes to take together..they're a fun way to get a great workout and spend some quality time together. excercise really makes you feel better about yourself..good luck!
2007-01-22 08:04:16 · answer #5 · answered by JKlein 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i'm glad that you are not one to come across as calling your wife names because of a little weight gain. try to exercise wtih her. you can start with daily walks or something that is physical in order to jump start the weight loss process. give your fridge an uplift and get rid of anything that is considered junk food. no only for you but for her. the key here is to do this with her...not to make suggestions. losing weight is not an easy task. but it becomes much more bearable if one has a support system. support her in any way possible as long as you are doing this with her.
2007-01-22 08:15:05 · answer #6 · answered by cfalways 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Excuse me, you say several pounds, you need to be more supportive of your wife. You knew how old she was before you married her. How do you know that she is taking your relationship for granted? When was the last time you set down and talked to her. Would it help you to know that maybe your behavior toward her has caused her to gain weight. Maybe you need to look at yourself instead of criticizing hers.
2007-01-22 07:50:52 · answer #7 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Exercise together and make it fun. Go for walks together at a park or near a river, go bike riding together, join a gym together, perhaps take a kickboxing class together, go jogging in the park together. The key point here is TOGETHER that way she won't feel like you are making her loose weight. She'll feel like this is something that both will enjoy.
2007-01-22 07:56:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Offer to help her exercise and lose the weight and eat right and to learn to take care of her body for you and for herself.... You need to walk with her and eat right with her... Buy the book on the South Beach Diet at Walmart or Sams Club and start on that with her... I wish you the best with this and no i dont think she is taking you and your marriage for granted. Love her for who she is with or without the added weight and be the husband you need to be to and for her.... Treat her the way you would want her to treat you... Be selfless and care about her and encourage her nicely... Be gentle and honest with her and love her where she is at. You cannot force her to change the only one you have power to change is yourself... I wish you the best with this.
2007-01-22 07:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If and only if you have not gained an ounce...go ahead to tell her nicely that while you love her always, pronounced weight gain can be unhealthy as well as unattractive. Ask what you can do to help. If she ignores you or has some other problem, you might consider counseling.
2007-01-22 07:50:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋