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Ive been married 12 yrs, 2 kids,12 and 3.The marriage started over pregnancy its been rough waters ever since. I spent the last 3 yrs asking him to work on our marriage. For ex. I begged him for 3 yrs to take me on a date,never happened, I would set the date and he still found excuses not to go. He would avoid sex, we argued over everything, he was always aggravated and difficult to talk to. in 2005 we were having an argument,charged me,knocked me down and I got a concussion. after that i told him if things didn't change I was leaving. we are now currently seperated. in our marriage there has been little intimacy, communication, sex and respect. there has been some physical voilence as well. my fear of being alone with 2 kids holds me back more than I want to admit to myself. we did try counseling a few months ago, but it got us nowhere. right now I feel paralyzed with fear. fear to move forward and fear of going back, afraid of making a mistake that my kids will pay the price for.

2007-01-22 07:41:04 · 17 answers · asked by Kat 1 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

17 answers

From reading this, I must say that you need to find the strength to move on. It will be difficult, but with the support of friends and family, you can do it. You are in a neglectful, abusive situation that will not get better. For your safety and that of your children, please get help and get out.

2007-01-22 07:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 2 0

I sooooo understand exactly how you are feeling!!! It sucks, and it is difficult to know if you are making the right choices. I admire you for thinking it through and not just jumping into something without considering your children's feelings! Too few people do that these days!

You are going to get a lot of responses to your question. I'm sure many people will tell you to leave him, and you may get some that tell you to stay no matter what. The truth is, only you can make that decision. We don't know all the details in your life, and it is always easier to tell someone else what they should do.

Think it through and do what you truly feel is best for you and your children. Don't let fear make you stay. If you truly fear him, that should be a huge factor in your decision!! The fear of the unknown is always going to be there. I'm sure you are stronger than you believe yourself to be (we all are), so find some comfort in that. When there is abuse involved, my first instict is to say "get the hell out of there as soon as you can", but again, I don't know every detail. Just think it through completely. Make your decision, and then do it!! Don't talk yourself out of it because of fear. I believe you already know the answer, now you just need to start taking steps in that direction.

Good luck to you!

2007-01-22 16:05:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 1 0

Kitty, I was married for 21 yrs and just seperated in Dec. I stayed because i was afriad to be alone with 2 young kids. My daughter is 17 now and my son is 12. They both took it hard, but they both also knew it was coming. I am happier now than I have been for the past 10 years. The kids see it and it seems to make them happier also. We each have that defining moment when we know it is over. I think you have had yours, and it's just a matter of making that giant step. I wish you luck, because it is not an easy decision to make. Also remember not to second guess yourself. You are a strong person and will come out of all this a much happier person and your children also will be happier.

2007-01-22 15:52:37 · answer #3 · answered by grneyesu 1 · 1 0

Either way it go's your kids are going to pay the prize. If you stay your kids grow up in violence home. With mom and dad always fighting in the mood will be intense. In kids feel that. They know.Or they can grow up with you and dad out of the house. So now there dad is gone. Do you see what am saying either way the kids are going to pay the price. Kids in a separation, or divorce or being in a violet home they pay. You to think. OK if that's the answers then whats the best one. I once was there against that brick wall. I had to make the best answer for MY KIDS. Because either way there going to pay. I choose my husband to move and am getting a divorce. At least there(kids) are in a good envioment. It may not be perfect. But my kids don't have to see a man hitting on me when he felt like it or brake things in no ones yelling while there trying to sleep. In the fear is the unknown. Its normal for you to have. But you need to do whats right for you and those children.Like I said that fear you have we all have it as you go on its gets easier. And you will have bumps in the road in fears but you will live though, and with help from God you will be OK.

2007-01-22 16:24:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

wow this sounds like me...you have to be strong for your kids is all I can say. Do you want them too put their hands on a woman, or be in a relationship that is horrible for them. Children do as they know and if all they know is hurt and anger in the home that's how it will be for them. If you really want the best for you kids, get out and don't look back. It is going to be scary BUT what's scarier living the rest of your life like this...or being on your own? there will be stumbles nothing is perfect but in the end you will be happier for it and will have protected your kids from a hurtful household! I wish you luck

2007-01-22 16:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 0 0

sorry to say you need to leave , its over. it would have been over the first time he put his hands on me. theres nothing wrong with being a single parent,there are places to help out single parents.

Talk to the oldest kid explain why you want to leave the marriage,
kid's are more understanding than we think.
then leave your husband. you can do better anyway. and no your kids wont pay the prise. get child support from him and alomoney. everything will hopfully be fine. now that you are seperated you are rasing the kids alone and that was scary to do and you concerd that fear. it gets a lot easer to deal with after a while.

good luck hope things get better for you and the kids.

2007-01-22 16:03:41 · answer #6 · answered by rose01 4 · 0 0

I think you should leave him now! If he is knocking you around and giving you and concussion!! Leave NOW!!! If there violence in your marriage, its just going to get worse... Its alright to be afraid of the unknown and to make mistake where all human.. My sister was in the same situation as you!!! She never told anyone, until. She called crying on the phone!! She soon left him.. And now she remarried to a nicer man... Your kids will think hitting a woman is alright!!! Or staying with a man that hits you is okay!!!

2007-01-22 16:01:38 · answer #7 · answered by mel 1 · 1 0

If you are worried that leaving this relationship is going to damage your children in some way, step back and ask yourself "Is this the kind of relationship I want my son/daughter to be in when they marry?" Children learn how from their parents. Right now they are learning that a disrespectful, loveless, violent marriage is normal and acceptable. Hard as it is to be alone, the best thing for a child is to see their parents as role models of love, confidence and healthy choices, even if they do it separately.

2007-01-22 15:51:42 · answer #8 · answered by biogirl 3 · 1 0

If there is not hope left for you marriage after you have tried all you can to save it like marriage counseling... If this still is not working then seperate for a time and if after a while it still does not work or there is no saving to it then divorce but then and only then.

2007-01-22 15:50:54 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0 0

I think you need to be more scared of what will happen if you do stay. Change is good. People don't do it because they are scared of it. Change isn't bad. I left my husband, with no job and a three year old. You can get a job, find a place and make it. Don't stay. It will end up hurting everyone more if you do stay than if you get out now and try to make a better life for yourself and your kids. You have to sit down and figure out what you want out of your life and for your kids, and whats best for them. If its to see their daddy beating their mom, then stay and be scared for the rest of your life and be miserable. If you get out now, you still have time to make things better for them and you.

2007-01-22 15:48:28 · answer #10 · answered by precious 3 · 1 0

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