Partner turned out asexual after child birth. Drove me to frustration. Should i continue with the marraige?

Question

I have a huge sex drive and my wife turned out to be just the opposite. Situation worsened after birth of my child. The last time we had sex was an year ago. This has got me frustrated and drove me to internet **** in every other flavor. I imagine sex with every other good looking female i see. Distance between me n my wife has widened to the point that we hardly talk to each other these days. Feel terribly depressed at times. Have even resorted to adultery in depression... and felt bad later on. Plese help. I am still continuing with the marraige becos of my child and becos of our parents who are unaware of the situation. Cant tell our parents of our sexless marraige and cant have my child splitting his time between parents. I weep terribly at times when i analyze my situation, which seems hopeless. Please put yourself in my shoes before u answer. Sometimes i feel an early heart attack would solve my problem. I am 35 and my wife 34 with a marraige of 8 years.

Answer 1

i can understand ur condition by reading this that u r married though u havent gone in bed from 1 year..i know its painful

n its really great that u r trying to continue with ur marriage for ur child...be with ur wife 4 ur child coz ur child is innocent,he havent done any crime so that he need to bear pain of seperation of their parents

now about ur sex life

Take out ur wife 2 lunch...talk to her politely n then handle a letter 2 her..in that letter tell ur wife that wat u feel...sex is part of married n love life n u need her n u wanna be loyal to her n some loving words about her....


[by handing letter she wud understand ur thoughts more perfactly + u wont be involved in any debate ]
n after lunch u just drop her to home n leave her alone for sometime [so that she can read n understand ur thoughts ]


hope this wud help u

n even if she reamins same then consult some consultant


n if all these things prooves useless then fullfill ur urges from ADULTERY n i mean it bcoz if ur lady dont understands ur needs then u HAVE TO CROSS THE MORAL VALUES N ETHICS[n then u dont feel bad bcoz u r man n u need it...u tried to appeal that from ur wife but she denied..so u r not wrong ]
n then u have to stay wid her just for ur kid

but i wish u dont need 2 go there

all the best from my side

Answer 2

You may choose to come out of your marriage if you want. But already you have found a reason not to do so - your child. There are other reasons too. Your wife is suffering from a problem which could perhaps be taken care of by an able doctor or counsellor. I find no mention of any such thing in your question. Please try to do that first and foremost. Your wife's asexuality at this stage (after giving birth to a child) may not be sufficient ground for unilateral divorce either. Also keep in mind that this might be a passing phase (it happens with many women after child birth). She might regain her sexual vigour later with or without proper medication. You can in any case talk to her freely about this problem which is literally driving you mad. Maybe some mutually agreeable solution can come up. But do give up adultery. Not only do you invite problems for your family and yourself through adultery, but also risk contracting STDs and HIV. Overall hold your patience and give it some time. Don't get easily frustrated. These things have a tendency to turn for the better just when you have taken an intractable step.

Answer 3

First of all, get therapy! Not having sex for a year is neither normal nor healthy. See someone who specializes in sex therapy. You have a child and you've put 8 years into this marriage. You owe it to your wife and child to do whatever it takes to solve this issue without breaking up the family.

If your wife refuses therapy, or if therapy fails to revive her sexual interest in you, then you have some tough decisions to make. The moral issue with an affair isn't that a person is having sex with someone else, but that there is a violation of committment in the relationship. It's dishonest. However, and I know this won't be a very popular answer for some, but I have definitely seen that it's a very realistic solution... you could always let your wife know that you need sexual satisfaction, and that if you can't get it in the marriage, you will be forced to look elsewhere for it. There! You've warned her! She might agree - it might take some pressure off her. Barring that, you could leave the relationship, but I think this is the least desireable outcome. The bald truth is that conventional rules and relationships don't work for everyone. I know a very successful couple, who don't have sex and they've agreed that the husband will have sex elsewhere. The truth is that if you don't do something about it, it will happen without anyone's consent - even yours. Make sure you are in control of your choices rather than having your choices control you.

Answer 4

Hello,
I'm a mother of 2 boys 32, 31 and then 5 years ago along came another child- Go figure
So here is what we have came across, THE SAME PROBLEM!!
I'm so tired, run down after running after a small one plus holding down the household stuff while hubby works.
Then when we do feel the mood to make whoopee the kid is in between us.
So we put our heads together and did this.
MADE TIME
I joined gym- The work outs make me feel great and out of the home away from the child.
When husband comes home we divide our time /s
Time for family, time for yourself and time for us.
With in 1 month it paid off.
Worked for us.
Most of all work with it- Don't be to quick to throw that towel in.
BOTH OF YOU
Good luck

Answer 5

hai i totally understand ur problem really appreciate u are trying to sought help.... well it seems that u both seems to be different when it comes to physical relationship,"I have a huge sex drive and my wife turned out to be just the opposite.", well think its not a big problem coz generally god tends to match opposites.i think nothing works better than talking with each other, there mite be so many reasons for this current trouble, painful childbirth, lot of stress of taking care of a baby(it mite even be postnatal depression which leads to a lot of changes in the mother) iwish both of u could talk it out and solve the problem, theres no problem without a solution. u dont need to have any inhibitions between partners, u tell her how u feel about it and confide in her maybe she wil start feeling better... try talking it solves a lot of problem

Answer 6

Why aren't the two of you seeing someone about this? Cheating is never the answer!!Have you taken her to the Dr. to see if they can do something? It could be something wrong with her especially since she's had a child. I'd try that, then seeing a councilor if there is nothing medical. To bad you didn't try other paths before you cheated. If that doesn't work, you may have to call it quits. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Wow! You have got a lot of great answers for your question. My opinion is that you should get a divorce. It seems like neither of you are happy. Try to leave on good terms for your child. Do not confess the adultery, it will just make the process more challenging. Living in a unhappy household is not good for your child, your wife, or yourself. If you are not ready for that, then try temporary separation, spend time with her, get to know her again and NOT focus on sex. Good luck.

Answer 8

Is your wife open to couples counseling? Have you told her how this is effecting you?

The more you look to adultery and hide things from her, the more likely it will be that the divide between the two of you grows greater (and, as a result, she'll be even less inclined to want to be intimate with you). If you want to save your marriage, the only thing to do is come clean with her, go to counseling, and possibly seek a doctor's appointment for your wife to pinpoint the problem.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Watching a baby can be exhausting and really lower a person's sex drive. If you offer to help around the house or take care of the baby (bathe it, feed it, change its diaper, etc.) she will really appreciate it. Taking some of the burden may make her more interesting in sex.
If being more romantic and helping around the house doesn't help, then I would suggest you be honest with your wife about your situation. She may already be suspicious about your affairs and that may be a reason she's not interested in you as well. In order to save your marriage you have to re-committ to the marriage and your wife (no cheating, ****). Counseling may also be necessary.
Good luck.

Answer 10

I'm sorry buddy. But I really don't think the answer is in **** & definitly NOT in adultery. You said "try putting yourself in my shoes." Well, try putting YOURSELF in HER shoes. How would you feel if you had no drive & she did? If she started cheating? She should be able to understand your view but try to understand what may be wrong with her also. I DO think something is wrong with her. Sex is something we're born to want & need once we're married. My advice is seek a counselor of some sort & think his "solutions" out b4 you do anything.