Last year my Dad cheated on my Mum and got caught. He stayed in our house for 8 months before he moved out into a flat 5 months ago. He says this is because he wants to "test the waters" of his and my mum's relationship before coming back. I am sceptical as often he goes out and doesn't answer his phone. He will not answer any questions about the affair or his business but he insists on coming back home 3/4 days a week. My mum and I now have the dilemma, can we ever trust him again? Do we wait until he has made up his mind to come back again or to leave us completely? When my mum suggests she will move on with her life and wants him to stop coming he gets extremely upset and tries to win her round, making promises and even threats that she will "suffer the consequences" of her decision. Seeing as he is my father my natural inclination is to trust him, and he is a good father and husband (he has been a lot better with us since the affair, but is this guilt?) What are your views?
2007-01-22 05:59:00 · 14 answers · asked by jospinelli 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Of course he's a liar and a cheat to everyone emotionally involved.
He wants your Mum back now. He's needs to stop the threats because they'll push you both further away.
Give him a second chance - that's it. He did have something great once with your Mum which is why you came along. They need to go to some marriage counselling which he'll hate but otherwise the reason he cheated in the first place will rear its ugly head again.
Best of luck.
2007-01-22 06:12:47 · answer #1 · answered by Isabelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how old you are and therefore dont want to cause upset - but yes... i would say that he is INDEED a liar and a cheat (as you know due to him being "caught") I think this is a clear case of him wanting to have his cake AND eat it too.... Why does everything seem to be working on HIS terms - surely you and your Mum are the ones who should be laying down the law and He should surely be doing all he can right now to appease you both and make amends as best he can, for the hurt, pain and mental anguish he has caused to all parties involved!
It sounds to me that he is a very selfish individual ... Sorry to say that (he is still your Dad after all and i am sure you still want a relationship with him) but i cannot see anything else after the way you have described his behaviour... The bottom line is - Why should the "victims" in this BE "victims" - ie Why should you and your Mum just sit around and wait for the man who has let you down to decide whether he will return to his family or not!!?
I hope everything works out for you and your Mum - its a really hard decision that you both have to make regarding this situation - but it is YOU both who should make it, not Him!
2007-01-22 15:27:12 · answer #2 · answered by *~_**_Jester_**_Girl_**_~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds a very stressful situation for you but it seems that your mum needs to decide if she wants him back. If she does, he should compromise about talking about the affair and go to Marriage Guidance Counselling with your mum. He can't expect your mum to take him back and not have questions answered - reassurance given etc. Although you're involved, it shouldn't be your problem because the love he has for you is unconditional. The love that may, or may not, exist between your parents is something they need to discuss. I feel for you because I have no doubt your loyalties are torn. Adults do not always behave as well as they expect their children to - perhaps you'll learn something from their mistakes. Hope it gets sorted soon
2007-01-22 14:15:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes your dad lied and cheated, okay he wants space too, BUT, If he is using threatening behaviour then he must stop. Your mum, first of all needs to make up her mind if she still wants him. if she does then she must tell him that his behaviour and attitude towards you both must change and he should always be available (by phone at least) secondly if he wants respect then he must earn it!. It's a good idea to keep a diary of all conversations and meetings with your dad, (both you and your mum) the threats must stop so get your mum to have a session with relate on her own first of all and they will advise her how to deal with your dad's behaviour. The bottom line is that it sounds as though your dad knows that the only person who will suffer will be him and he's now running scared!. stick by your convictions and don't do anything hasty. Good luck.
2007-01-22 14:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by jaks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a wife who was cheated on by my now ex husband your mom needs to move on and you need to see the true man your father is. ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER....... My exhusband has not talked to his kids since the divorce and when he is asked why he says cause of me but I believe it is guilt. I was marriade to him for 21 years and then he decided to "test the waters" and after 2 years is now marriade to her. You can get a million different answers from people but you need to look in your heart and you will find the answer you seek. Good luck darlin you will be fine no matter how things turn out as long as you make decisions with a clear head and love in your heart.
2007-01-22 14:20:52 · answer #5 · answered by mommybird64 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is your mum letting have his cake and eating it. It is time he made up his mind. It sounds like he likes the single life but with fringe benefits. Are you sure he is not living with someone else as well. Change the locks on the door, send his clothes to his new address in a taxi and get your mum to a solicitor at the same time. If you think he will threaten your mum get a taperecorder (or better still a video) and record him without him knowing and take it to the ploice. Sounds like a control freak to me evn if you think he is wonderful.
2007-01-22 14:48:57 · answer #6 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you are concerned about your father and mother's relationship you should stay out of it. It is their business as to if they are willing to work at their marriage or not. I can understand how this can upset you, to have learned of your father having an affair. I agree with your mom when she stated she is ready to move on. Appears as if this move on her part will stop your father from straying. He appears to be controlling, wanting his cake and eat it too. He can do what he wants but if your mom decides to move on he gets upset. You let your father know that you love him and wish him well, but that you are disappointed in his behavior. Do not let your parents put you in the middle of all this. Just help your mom through all this by doing what is expected of you, like going to schook, studying hard, and keeping busy with friends.
2007-01-22 14:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know he is your dad and you love him but he is being a controller and this is not good for you as a family. Let your parents deal with this it is their relationship let them make or break if and take a step back you are too involved. Your dad will love you just the same that will never change no matter where he lives and who with.
2007-01-25 20:12:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he is a liar and a cheat and if I were your mom I wouldn't give him any sex until I have him tested for aids and any other STD because when he's out you don't know what he's doing. This is between him and your mother though, so I say you need to forgive him, step aside and let them work out their problems.
2007-01-23 03:34:15 · answer #9 · answered by angel h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he wants his proverbial cake and eat it too. if he wants to be out there then give you and your mom the courtesy of not stringing your hopes along. sounds like your mom is ready to give him the boot.
2007-01-22 14:32:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋