Homophobic parents?

Question

my parents were both raised as catholics. we go to church every week, that sort of thing. so anyways i was on www.habbohotel.com, a 3-D chat room for teens, which i am btw, (i am 15), and i was in a room named "gay and les lounge". so my mom comes up behind me, and naturally i minimize what im doing. kinda like when ur writing u cover up ur paper when someone walks beside you. so shes got this whole trust issue thing with me, because ive been in trouble online before. but trust me, ive learned my lesson. i know how to play it safe online. so she said that i cant go on the computer unless i show her what ive been doing. so i show her and she FREAKS OUT. she says i dont belong on innapropriate sites doing such wrong things, etc. but the thing is i wasnt doing anything wrong. i was just sitting there. so i called her a homophobic freak, and she started to poke at me and yell saying DONT U EVER CALL ME NAMES LIKE THAT. all i can think is if she cant accept me for who i am, then im just

gonna have to leave. cuz i cant live like that. thats like she cant accept me because im a girl or something dumb like that. WHAT DO I DO????

sorry anonymous, but all those websites u gave me are blocked because of homosexuality. lame i know. we have this dumb firewall at our school that blocks nearly everything out. and i cant at home cuz my mom looks at everything that i do on the computer. and the closest gay comunity to me is an hours drive.

Answer 1

First of all, don't listen to Lulu. She's quite notorious here for spreading hate here in this section and there is even an effort being made to send her posts to the FBI so her IP address can be found.

As far as what you can do, I would say to try to find support services outside of home so your mother won't verbally and physically harass you for it. Since I'm assuming that, at 15, you're in high school you can join a Gay-Straight Alliance, or GSA as they are commonly known. These are groups of students and a couple of teachers both GLBT and straight that have meetings at a classroom to talk about issues and to educate others of the dangers of homophobia. They often meet during school hours or just after school so joining a GSA would be the least difficult way of finding a support network rather than finding something outside of school hours that yo would have to lie to your mother about just to attend.

If things get really hairy at home you could either talk to a school guidance counsellor so they can arrange a meeting with your parents or, if you feel leaving is really necessary to survive, you can stay at a friend's house if you feel that the environment would be healthier and the parents are willing to take you in. Just be sure not to take them for granted and pull our weight by doing the chores and keep your grade up.

I hope this all helps.

Answer 2

Does your mom know that you're gay or does she just think you were visiting that website out of curiosity? Sounds like you need to bite the bullet and come out to her. And you did call her names, so you were both rude to each other. Mutual apologies are in order.

Your church isn't hostile to gays, not like the fundamentalist Protestants, anyway, so maybe your priest can help you deal with your mom in a more calm and rational way and explain that you need support and understanding from others like yourself and that's what that website provides.

Parents take a while to accept that their kids are gay and that they can't be "talked out of it". If there is a PFLAG chapter in your town, get in touch with them. Good luck, honey.

Answer 3

Yep, sorry about your current predicament, it sucks quite a bit. It's not surprising, of course, that religious folks (never mind catholics) should turn out to be homophobic. I don't know if that makes anything better but I've always found it to be something of a relief that the origins of someone's hate can be predictable and dealt with accordingly. Anyway, now you know where you stand with regards to your mom, at least. She hates but doesn't want it told to her face. It is what is popularly known as cowardice. But cheer up, 'tis quite common.

Answer 4

It sounds like there's two issues her. One is the trust issue with internet use that's been brought back up. The other is your sexuality. As for the latter, you two can try to work through it. Make sure neither of you raises their voice. Talk to her about why she reacted that way. Try to get to the bottom of her issues and work through them. Hopefully she'll be willing to try to work through this as well so that she can be a better parent and have a better relationship with her daughter. As for the trust issue, that'll just take time for her to trust you again. Oh, and try to keep your temper under control. Personal attacks towards her aren't helping you any.

Answer 5

So you are a les? is that what you are saying?
Well, first off NEVER call your mom names, it's disrespecting her.
Second just accept who you are and tell her; It's up to her to take it or leave it....she can't live your life for you.

Talk to the help lines Annonymous has provided above for help.
Remember you are too young to run away and make it on your own.

Answer 6

gah! parents are a pain sometimes. Your mom seems really strict, my parents are strict too [we're asian 8)]. Wow, ok first off, even if your parents or community hate all that are gay, they cant neccessarily do anything about it. (im 14 lol) even if they could, those people would still be born. sometimes its just the parents fault b/c, as you know, they have kids. because of their genes, they are different. Average kids are born w/ one X and Y chromosone and sometimes they are born w/ extras that change them. I think that people should be able to love who they love and it shouldnt matter. i doubt that helped, but i seriously tried.

Answer 7

Have you tried looking at joining a local support group in your area?

http://www.pflag.org/

Or maybe trying an online website to talk with lgbt people your age?

http://www.mogenic.com/

And if you're thinking of running have you considered the option of calling a help line?

http://www.glnh.org/index2.html

Also, if they can't accept the fact that you're bi or lesbian if you've already talked to them maybe you should consider these options?

Who wants to live a life where their own parents don't accept them?

Edit - Maybe you should talk to your guidance counselor at your school than? I'm sure they could help you somehow?

Answer 8

I feel lucky reading your story because my mum was great when i came out to her....i cried and she laughed....she was like...duh! hehe...

Im sorry your mother cannot understand....I guess it isnt really her fault in this society....but maybe you could talk? If not....that is her problem not yours! you are doing nothing wrong.....

Stay strong!