We have been married 18 years in February. We had a number of problems in the bedroom and with my health. She cheated/started using pot - she had a steady Boyfriend. You guessed it the guy supplying her with the pot. We have a 17 year old severely autistic child that I have to depend on her to watch while I work. I felt bad that because of my health crysis and hsopitalization we had not been able to have relations for over a year and half while I recovered. So she cheated and told me it was just for a while to have some "fun" . I was recovering during this period of cheating and she told me that once I could perform again she would stop. Well as of 5 months ago I could but she would not stop the cheating. She started getting into kinky things with guys and girls too. Well I finally confronted the boyfriend and he broke up with her. She is upset telling me she "does not trust me" in bed(because of health) but will try. Can it work out?? Or is this hopeless? I luv her
2007-01-22 05:32:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This sounds like a very bad situation...you have two paths to choose from...divorce or therapy...neither one will be fun. Therapy will only work if she is willing to change her behavior.
2007-01-22 05:38:34 · answer #1 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG... I understand that you love her. You will always love her bc you have been married for 18 years and you have a child together. But honestly I hate to break the bubble I really don't see it happening. For one if she loved you she wouldn't have cheated. Remember your vowels? Through sickness and health. She broke a vowel. She should have stood by you through thick and thin. She doesn't want it to work. And you not being good in bed can be her excuse to get out. It's easier to find a lame excuse then to face reality and end it. If I was you I would not be able to trust her again. Once a cheater always a cheater. You deserve better and if your health is bad then you really don't need all the stress of wondering if she's cheating again or not. What if she catches something. You said she is into multiple partners well that is multiple diseases. End it now and move on. It will be hard but I have faith in you. You can make it! Good luck!
2007-01-22 13:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jessica M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of a woman would cheat around her husband because he can't perform due to an illness? I don't understand why you consented this behavior in the first place. A person that loves their spouse will love them through sickness and in health!! There's NEVER any reason why a person should go out of the marriage for sex or anything else for that matter. I wouldn't waste another minute on her. She wants to live like a teenager again, then let her. Just get out of that marriage. You and your child deserve better!!
Sorry, but sometimes you have to cut the cord and move on. As painful as it might be. I rather be in pain for a little while than catching some kind of disease from my spouse. Find yourself a good lawyer and a woman who's going to really love you through any stage in life, respect you and honor the vow she made to you. Good luck!
2007-01-22 14:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am not saying that it's okay for her to cheat. It's not. BUT, I think I can understand why this is happening. It sounds like she has had a really tough few years. You said that you have a severely autistic child. She's been taking care of him for a long time and I am certain that it must be exhausting. Then when you add to that the stress of your health problems, she probably just wanted to escape reality for a while.
The kinky stuff is just her rebelling against who she has had to be for the past 18 years (good little wife, good little mom). It's understandable that she wants to just take it easy and have some fun, but she needs to grow up and accept that she's not 21 anymore. Maybe you can help her. She needs to feel special and appreciated. Take her on a vacation. Get her someone to help take care of your child and help out around the house. Good luck to you.
2007-01-22 13:44:28 · answer #4 · answered by loves2fly84095 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is pathetic. I"m sorry, but she made a vow to you that said "in SICKNESS and in health". If my husband lost every limb I would never cheat on him. Why isn't she taking care of your child instead of messing around with some loser? You're pretty forgiving to still call her your wife. However, she doesn't really sound like she's sincere in leaving this guy. I can't make any decisions for you though. She's already been dishonest and disrespectful to you.
2007-01-22 13:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon L - Gavin's Mommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't know about you but i won't live with my husband because he cheated but people is different but the reason i can't i couldn't trust him after cheating on me once afraid he'll do it again then laugh about it that's why im not with him now it hurts a lot but you two have a child to think about so if she stop's cheating i would give her one more chance and tell her the pot has too go that's not good when she has a child she need's to think of
2007-01-22 13:52:11 · answer #6 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think your health was bad then, just imagine what it will be like when she brings AIDS home to you. Stand up, be a man, tell her that if she does not close the legs, get tested and a clean bill of health, you are kicking her to the curb and she can go ho around with who all she wants, but she is not going to tear you and your child down because she wants to be a slut and tramp.
2007-01-22 13:43:49 · answer #7 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really think when someone has thought of cheating for a while they will look for any excuse to justify what they are doing, she will find someone else to cheat with this time you will not know about it. because she is making excuses in the bed room now not to have sex with you. Ask yourself this how can you really trust again when you now in the back of your mind that she is going to do it again. AND SHE WILL.
2007-01-22 13:45:18 · answer #8 · answered by Kat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you had health problems doesn't give her a free pass to cheat. You need to divorce her because she is not a good wife or a good person. You deserve so much better, don't settle for anything less!
2007-01-22 13:42:52 · answer #9 · answered by Jess_DH13 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"i luv her" how cute is that. Your nice name should be certainfool cause wise you are not. She has worked you over and taken advantage of you for years, yet you still "luv" her. That is sick. Dude, get some spine and deal with her like the trash she is. Divorce her and hire someone to watch your kid. Hell, she probably just smokes pot and ingores him anyway. Geeze, how pathetic.
2007-01-22 13:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋