How do you deal with the fact that your house is the one with all the rules and the other parent's (who only has the kids every other weekend) house is the house of fun and games? Whenever I have to discipline my son I get "I want to live with my Dad". What do I say to him to make him realize that we cannot have fun all the time because he has homework, school, etc? I know he is saying these things to try and get his own way and if he lived with his Dad he would be hearing "I want to live with my Mom". How do you get a nine year old to understand?
2007-01-22 05:18:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't change a thing and don't bash dad and how things are over there. Regardless of what they say, children like the rules and structure, they find security in it and if you slack off, you will no longer be a place of security or safety to them. If it is total fun time with dad and no rules are enforced (that you can tell), call and talk to his dad (be nice and not hostile), just have a conversation about how your son says he has no rules and can just do what he wants and it is effecting him when he comes home. The two of you need to work out what is best for your son and not let differences get in the way.
2007-01-22 05:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. My house is the structured house, dad has the 'fun house'. If only there were a simple solution. I brought some of the things that their dad has, to my house (video games, etc) only I keep it more structured. This has cut back on the "it's more fun at daddy's house", but we still have discipline issues when they come home. I am considering talking with my ex, and expressing my concern, maybe this is a route you could also take. (feeling your pain) Best of Luck
2007-01-22 06:21:34 · answer #2 · answered by Lemme tell ya... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
9 year olds are very smart they want things the way they want them and using this back and forth with mom and dad is the way they make thier parents feel even more guilt then they already do i have 4 sons and divorced their dad when the oldest was 12 we both had alot of guilt and let the boys play that same game for to long then one day it was like a light bulb went off for dad and mom both the same rules at both places sounds like a easy thing to decide right?wrong took forever. the summers were easy where ever they wanted to be thats where they went but during school it was both houses had same rules so it wasnt that much of a change. i will always be the one that makes them pick up their dirty clothes and do homework and all the (fun) things they have to do but they say i want to go to dads house and when they are ready to come back they say they want to come HOME now thats real. good luck and relax things work out it takes time but now my oldest is 23 and when he comes to see me he still says he coming home.
2007-01-22 06:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by patbgone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find fun things to do with your son sometimes, take an exciting vacation together. He's a little young to understand the situation. Maybe find a "fun" reply that helps him to understand that children can't always have those choices--for example, "And I want to live with Spiderman, but I don't get that choice. It's hard sometimes, isn't it?"
Also, send some school projects to Dad's house. It will be good for them both.
2007-01-22 05:30:11 · answer #4 · answered by Faith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not an easy subject. I guess when you ex takes his extended summer vacation (if he even takes it) then your son will find out there are rules. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I'm on my second round of court for a modification my ex seeks for shared placement. They suck and some day the kids will get sick of the fake stuff. Kids are smart they can figure out thst their dad is only trying to buy their happieness.
2007-01-22 05:33:19 · answer #5 · answered by Amber 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have the sma problem, only they go to their mom's(the fun house) and we are the ones with rules. They live half of the time with us. There is not much you can do except to stick to your rules at your house. He will figure it out as he gets older.
2007-01-22 05:26:30 · answer #6 · answered by Ellyn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sisters friend had this same problem. Her daughter threatened her with that on a daily basis. So finally she said, "Fine go live with your dad and see for yourself if its better then living her". She then went and packed her bags for her and sent her to her dads. It lasted one week and she was begging to come back home. Its been a year now and the girl has never mentioned it again.
2007-01-22 05:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't. He already understands. It is a weapon. Ignore it and continue to make certain that he does what he needs to do.
If the ex's house is a fun house talk with the ex and get them to help you out with making certain the child is responsible.
2007-01-22 05:25:04 · answer #8 · answered by Richard Bricker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
kids make a connection and realize that one is a home and the other is the fun place--sit and talk to your child about the difference
2007-01-22 05:26:56 · answer #9 · answered by gabby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You either need to stay firm or sit and talk to your ex about how things need to be. Your ex should be holding up and enforcing your rules since it seens that you are primary!
2007-01-22 05:27:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋