Partner says I am "Not his type"?

Question

My fiance and I have been together for several years and we were best friends before we became a couple. We now have a 1 1/2 year old and for the most part we are happy.

The has only ever been one real "problem" that we have and without going into too much length, I will say that the problem is that while he says he does find me attractive, he says that I am just not his "type".

I have tried to do small things that will be appealing to him but the problem keeps coming up. I am so sick of felling badly around him. I do not like how I feel when I am around him any more and if we go out somewhere and see a woman that I know he is *really* attracted to, I feel like hanging my head.

I am considering leaving the relationship because I need to preserve myself. This is not a situation where he "just still finds other women attractive" I know everyone finds other people attractive, single or not.

The problem is that he finds other people more attractive than he has ever seen me.

Answer 1

You could not find a way to sabotage your self- image more than being with someone who doesn't find you good enough. There are men out there who find you are exactly their type. I do not know if you are thinking about leaving the relationship or trying to find a way to be OK with yourself even if you know you are not his type.. If you want encouragement to leave him there are postings here for that. We go into relationship not to put the responsibility on the other person to make us happy with who we are. We go into relationships to learn and grow into love. Imagine that you can find love with someone who is honest enough to admit that you are not his type. What type of woman do you want to be? Focus on that. Your confidence will be so sexy. Being OK with who you are is the key.

Answer 2

Your fiance is mean! i would feel the same way if i were you. That just sucks! you should put your foot down to him & tell him directly how you feel about this situation. You can give him a chance to better things, some men can be so superficial sometimes, I don't even know why this man is with you to begin with if your not "his type". If he really loves you, then looks shouldn't matter. He shouldn't judge your surface, but instead accept you anyway & love you for your inner beauty. Don't change the way you are for him if he can't accept you, some women work way to hard to be something they are not just to impress a loved one. I am on your side if you want to leave him since this relationship is not healthy for you emotionally, it might just get worse if you decide to go ahead & marry him. What if he ends up cheating on you then? you will be mad at yourself for not leaving him when you had the chance to (now). You should talk to him about this as soon as possible & get things cleared up! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 3

You've been together for several years, have a child but you're not his type?

Stop trying to please him. You must enough his type for him to still be with you, although it may be because he's comfortable with you until his "type" comes along. This relationship isn't healthy; it's making you doubt yourself and is eroding your self-esteem. Anyone who loves you enough to be considered your fiance should want nothing but the best for you. If he doesn't feel you're the one, then he needs to man-up and end the relationship for both your sakes.

I can only guess that this has been going on for a long time. You are not happy. So if you're asking if you should end it with him, the answer is "Yes, you should!"

Answer 4

My boyfriend and i have went threw this problem many times. In our case it happened when ever I got really depressed and gained a lot of weight. Other times it was because we just didn't get along and needed space. Then there were other times when I saw him looking at other woman when we went out. I usually confronted him about it and heard the "you aren't my type" then.

If your fiance makes you feel bad about yourself by saying that to you then my suggestion is get out of the relationship. You need to find someone who likes you for who you are. Also you wont get really depressed and make your self feel terrible.

Answer 5

For him to even tell you that is somewhat abusive! Sounds like he is stripping away your self-esteem, which is one of the things that abusive and manipualtive people like to do. I would seriously recommend counseling if possible. He needs someone else to show him how he makes you feel and to let him know it is wrong. If he truly cares for you he would do anything to keep from hurting you and be willing to change his ways. If this does not work I would move on. That may seem hard at first but you will be way better off in the long run!

Answer 6

if u stay in this it will affect how u see yourself, and your self worth, he is saying there is just not the chemistry he needs to make it with u, doesn't mean there is anything the matter with u, nor should u define yourself by his opinion of u. best to get out of it, and go where someone is attracted to u, because sooner or later he is going to hook up with someone, and than u will have to suffer more than u will now. nothing worse than knowing the one u love isn't attracted to u. he will never see u the way u need him to see u, he has all of these expectations, and he is telling u that u don't meet them. u are wasting time on him, when u should be looking for someone who will love u for u. nothing wrong with u, he just is looking for model material, a fantasy girl, best to turn him loose and accept what he has said and not try anymore to win his heart.

Answer 7

The guy I'm dating now say's he's not attracted to me anymore because I've gained about 40 pounds. Do you think it's a weight issue? If he says you're not his type ask him if you'll ever be his type? Is it a personality issue or a physical attraction issue? Best of luck, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself either. If this continues I would get out!

Answer 8

omg.....he's behaving like an absolute jerk.....you were his type when you got pregnant.......when you got engaged....what happened? ..........whats so special about him.....was he featured on the cover of the worlds most beautiful......you should never hang your head....and you should never have to appeal to him......his problem is within himself and he knows it too......you need to have a serious talk with him about this......he chose to go against his "type" when he chose a life with you...if you don't want to feel settled for hold your head high as you walk away and know you are beautiful and worth more than he can give

Answer 9

first of all...why do you want to stick around for someone that doesn't even find you attractive or even says that is not your type? second...why are you trying so hard to impress this man when it is clearly what he wants. third...why do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be wtih you? fourth...why are you sitting around there being misrable waiting for him when you could be out taking care of you and doing things for you? why? it's not worth it. if he doesn't want you the he doesn't want you. move on. yes...children add stress to the relationship. if your body has changed due to you haveing the child...then you need to work on getting that body back. yes i am aware that you have a child but you can find a way to look more attractive to you. and not for anyone else. don't just sit there feeling bad about yourself...get up and get out and do something for yourself. he has already made his decision. what is yours going to be? you can sit there and be misearble or you can get up and get out and do something for yourself. if you don't have a job...get one. you need to have your own source of income. he is comparing you to other women. get up, do something for yourself. hang out with your friends...do activies to make you feel better. don't just sit there listening to him compareing you to other women. do something for yourself.

Answer 10

Ask yourself do you really want this insulting hurtful man who has no respect for your feelings? Tell him he is not your type and leave him.