Male/Female roles in gay male relationships?

Question

Are male/female roles typical in gay male relationships? I'm pretty new to the "gay world" so I don't have a lot of experience on how many gay relationships work. But I'm pretty sure that if I were in a relationship, I would prefer the female/wife role becuz I'm pretty submissive by nature.

I was just wondering if defining roles are typical in gay relationships, becuz if I were to talk about my desire to be "the wife" with a future boyfriend, I wouldn't want him to think i was weird or something.

Don't get me wrong, I like being a boy, but I just like to have a big strong husband to take care of me emotionally and protect me ;) LOL

Answer 1

This is interesting because I was wondering if gay guys were only attracted to masculinity in men, not feminine aspects. I wondered because I've heard many gay guys say they're turned off by guys who appear feminine in action and physical look. I alway hear them say they like their men to be men, and thats why they're gay. They say if they wanted to be with a gay guy who was more like a girl, they would just be with a woman, and they wouldn't be gay. So it's interesting that you actually feel better to take a female role in relationships.

I've heard many feminine guys who are gay explain how fustrated they are because they like manly men, but most gays aren't into feminine guys. So the feminine guys end up being single.

From what you say, I guess it doesn't matter if you feel more manly or more girly, in the end you want a man to be with. One thing though, you say you like being a boy, but would you mind if a guy you were dating really didn't see you as a boy at all?

Thanks for sending me to your question.

Answer 2

Gay Male Relationships

Answer 3

Most gay relationships I know of, including my own, does not involve a male/female role in the literal sense.
The beauty of a gay relationship is that the two people are of the same gender, therefore for example a guys boyfriend is like his best friend, brother and lover all rolled into one except without the incest!
My boyfriend was looked after a little too well by his mother for my liking, and needs to be regularly nagged and told off for bad behaviour. I always have to clear up after him, and I nag him some more. That could be perceived as taking a female role, but as we know, this is the 21st century and its both parents who play (or should) an active role in raising their kids, so nagging etc and what was in the past seen as female roles, is now equal with both genders as if in a straight relationship.

Basically both partners dip into both male/female roles as and when required, most gay relationships will not have a set gender role for each partner. Gay means you want and desire someone of the same sex, therefore in a relationship the person you sleep with and share your life with needs to be balanced of both male and female attributes. How much the scales tip for your man/girl either way is your own preference for what you want in your relationship.

Answer 4

Everyone's looking for different things in a partner (also true of the hetero world). Some people are indeed looking to stick mostly to pre-existing gender roles, and you can find other people that that works for. Personally, I NEVER liked the pre-existing gender roles, and have no desire to perpetuate them. Everyone has their own "division of labor (roles)" taht they work out on their own. It's like if A,B,and C are expected of males and X,Y,and Z are "feminine", I'd generally prefer to either take turns, or else split things up how WE see fit without just assuming anything. (A,y, and Z for example). Or some combination of both.

Answer 5

There are those roles, and people do enjoy following the role, but not everyone will base the entire relationship based on a role. I for one would be the male role, but also like being taken care of.

Answer 6

Gee, I thought you bragged in your profile that you were quite confident and worldly! And that you already have guy to take care of you. Suddenly you're a novice?

Labels are too confining. Wife/husband has too much baggage. What you are describing is passive, submissive behavior. You want a partner who is aggressive and dominant, someone to take charge and take care of you. I wanted a guy to hold me and protect me when I was your age, then as I got older I wanted to play the other role. Needs change. You are what you are and need what you need. Some people are happy with defined roles, just like some people like the comfort of detailed religious rituals and traditions, while others live day by day.

And as I always say, all generalities are false, including this one.

Answer 7

No, gay relationships don't seek to mirror the heterosexual roles or model. In a gay relationship, both partners have preferences, but one does not become the 'wife'. That's a stereotype developed by hollywood and the straight world, but it is simply fantasy.

Answer 8

It varies from relationship to relationship. I would never be in a relationship that dictated "wife & husband" since I consider us both "husbands." However, I applaud the fact that YOU have no problem wanting to be "the wife." I find that beautiful for YOU. It shows you have your own ideas and wants for your relationship and how to make them work and I SO HOPE you find and get what you want!!!

If he loves you, I doubt seriously he will think your weird at all! I don't agree with you, but even I understand where your coming from!

Answer 9

Some still hold the idea that gay and lesbian couples somehow organize their relationship around traditional gender roles, with one playing "the man" or "the butch" and one playing "the woman" or "the femme." There is little if any research to support this.

Two gay men, for example, can not rely on "the woman" to cook and clean for them, but must divide these responsibilities between them.

Answer 10

So you've ascertained your preferences. There are no hard and fast rules in relationships - you just know what you'd like to work at.