Step Family in the future? Not sure that I am ready....?

Question

I think I have hit my limits - my BF and I have lived together for over a year now and his 7yr old daughter has turned into the devil. Over the weekend I asked my daughter and her to pick up there stuff - she left her tights on the floor and refused to pick them up because she decided she didn't want them - therefore did not have to pick them up.I told her that it was no excuse and asked her again - It escalted into yelling & I said fine either pick them up or go to your room.She chose her room...It was something so stupid but it has been an ongoing issue with her talking back to both her dad & I, having no resect for anything and now she just ignors me when I ask her to do something.3 times since that incodent I nicely asked both kids to do something and got ignored by her.Her father then needs to re-ask her to do the task.I have been so upset over this that I snapped at my 4yr old for no reason making me feel like S***.I want more kids but - dont feel like I could handle it after her

Oh ya - her mom spoiles her, and wont grow up either. She has avoided me since the begining and we have never met... It's been over a FRICKIN YEAR!

Her parents split 4 years ago when she was 3...

Answer 1

I feel your pain. I've got a 5 year old step daughter who, most of the time is great. But definitely knows how to push my buttons if she so chooses.

I don't have any real hard-core advice for you. Hang in there, mostly, I guess. It sounds like you're doing everything right, with treating both girls the same and then sticking to a punishment when your step daughter doesn't follow through. Reinforce the positive things she does, like when she does help you out or does something she's supposed to do (like pick up).

It's very important that your boyfriend stand behind you in your dealings with her. I've found that sometimes if I back off and don't do anything with her or for her that she'll come around. It also helps to have her dad talk to her and stress upon her how important it is to listen to you as well as him.

Good luck and please don't let her influence your decision on if you want more children of your own!

Answer 2

As long as your fiance agrees with you and sees the problem as well, then I think this is something you guys can work on together. (If he is not supporting you and does not want to help with the solution, then you need to either get on the same page or call it quits) Kids go through stages where they are testing their boundaries more than other times, and you just have to do your best to be consistent and stay on them. I also get to the point w/my kids that I'm yelling, and I have to keep reminding myself that there are much more creative ways to get my point across. Yelling is just the fastest and most immediate way, but it shows lack of control. If you take the time to discuss w/fiance different scenarios and ways to handle it, and what steps you will take if/when she refuses, then at least you will have a plan. At 7 years old, she can appreciate having to write sentences, getting toys and priveledges taken away etc. BUT be sure that your fiance is backing you up 100%....good luck.

Answer 3

stick to your guns and make her do what you ask her to do.Do not let her win because to her it is a competition lets see how miserable i can make daddy's girlfriend then maybe she won't ever be my stepmother.Kids are not stupid they know what the are doing and they know how the key is to be the adult and never back down and make them feel like they are getting to u.Next time you ask her to do something and she refuses get her dad in the room and ask him to punish her that will show her that he is on your side.My husband and I have been married a year and he has a five year old from previous marriage and i have a six year old and we have a baby girl together she is four months.We have had a rocky year with our kids its been so hard because i am they type person kids are kids and we are adults and they will follow the rules or else.So that first year i kinda stayed back from discipline with his child but then recently i said to hell with this,this is my house to and she aint gonna run this show so i stepped in and now she knows i won't take any crap from her,and she will follow the rules or she will get her but spanked or sit in her room alone.I am a pretty strict parent and after reading all this bullsh#t on here about these stepkids are your kids so you have to treat them the same as your own,but then you talk about discipline and people say that is not your kid let the bio parent handle it.The dam#n kids are either yours or not ,not when its convenient.So I look at it this way this kid is gonna be in my life to not just husbands so i am not gonna spend the next 18 years being miserable every time she comes so I run the show now.She will never run over me and my husband backs me up 100%.So it starts there make sure you and your boyfriend are on the same page and never let her win because if you do don't ever think about marriage with him because you will not last a year.Stick to what you say.

Answer 4

I am ten years into my marriage now but we have had all of the same problems. Stick to your rules, she will learn that love comes with discipline. My husband is very stern with our three kids. The older two are mine from a previous marriage. Although they bicker over chores and most other things my kids know that my husband is always in their corner even when he's angry. It takes a longtime to really become a family instead of a step family. Don't give up now.

Answer 5

Run, don't walk away from that situation. Being a step parent is the hardest job in the world. The kids will turn on you and alienate your mate. Their main desire is see their parents reunited.

You need to get out. Take what you can carry and start over again. You will greatly regret it if you don't.

I think you have already answered your own question. You just want someone else to say it.

Answer 6

Thats a tough one, where she's so young it will be tough on her, i understand where she's at, i didnt want to except the fact my parents were moving on either, but she will realize sooner or later that this is life and she's gotta live it! i would just start giving your daughter more privilages than her and when she gets upset about it let her know that your daughter was good and listened when she however wasnt and had an attitude, she'll learn eventually!

Answer 7

Let me tell you. It will only get worse. I married a man that had children from H***. It was so awful. They did everything in the world to force a wedge through us and they finally did. I had to give up to keep my sanity. The worse thing was when I would get on to them for something and they would tell me I wasn't their Mother and they did not have to mind me. Good luck, but take it from me it won't be easy.

Answer 8

I would put the little ***** and her daddy out.

Answer 9

do what u feel

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Answer 10

just leave him