should i go out and do it also to even the score and make me feel better or should i just suck up my pride and forgive her
2007-01-22 04:51:00 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Only if you can forget about it. If you can't then your all done.
2007-01-22 04:55:37 · answer #1 · answered by shufly 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Nothing will ever even the score for infidelity. You will always hurt and if you cheat, you will never look at yourself as the same man again and you will blame your wife for your lowered self opinion as well.
This isn't an either or situation. This is a sad situation that will take time and effort on both of your parts if you want to get past it and stay together. She will have to be honest about why she did what she did, and so will you. You have to take things apart to know why the work or don't work, and how to fix a thing if it is worth saving.
There is plenty of sex to be had out there, and plenty of opportunities to have it. Not having it, turning it down, maintaining the high road, that is what being a man is about.
You have a hard road ahead. If you and she can agree to let eachother be mad, be hurt, be all those things that you would rather not show, you might have a chance.
PS This isn't about pride. Pride won't make you happy or keep you warm at night. Pride makes people do things to their lives that no sane person would wish on his worst enemy.
There is one question every married person needs to ask himself or herself now and then... do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Remember that husbands and wives are supposed to be eachothers biggest fans, your unfailing cheerleaders, the soft place to fall when things get rough. That is why cheating is so bad, because the person who hurt you is the one you would normally go to for comfort. Your best friend isn't there for you to go to.
Good luck. Understanding is the first step.
2007-01-22 05:02:17 · answer #2 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude...My heart goes out to you. How could you suck up your pride? It's not PRIDE that has been damaged...It's TRUST!!!!
Cheating to get "even" is never the answer!!!! It only makes you feel like slime and puts the fire on you. Forgiving is not the answer either. What this will take is LONG talks and much time because she has to gain your trust again which will be VERY hard to do. If you want to make this work, don't beat yourself up for what you "might" have done wrong to make this happen.
SHE" is the one with the problem .
Good luck, Rowynntreegirl
2007-01-22 05:00:39 · answer #3 · answered by mom tree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, first of all I'm truly Sorry for the pain that you are in !! Been their. I wouldn't go out & cheat cause by doing that makes you just like her . What you need too do is find out what the promblems are in your marriage & why she cheated & it's up too you if you can forgive her; learn too trust her again & respect her again or not you will never forget that this has happen but you once you find out what all of the promblems are you can deceide then if they can be fix or even if you want to try . Therpay is a good idea if you want too try to save your marriage.You also have too take a long hard look at everything in you & her & ya'lls marriage or they anything that you would do different ? Marriage is about Love, Respect, Honesty, Trust, & understanding & without anyone of these your or anyone is in troubled relationship .Marriage is work just like a job the other should always try to please the other not themselves you have to have time for your family & yourself . This is not about Pride at all its about what you can live with or live without or what you can forgive or can't forgive . Divorced is a decision you have too make on your own or together . Talk too GOD he can help you & only him !! I'm Sorry if I offened you or anyone by saying GOD not meant too offend anyone!!
Good Luck & Best Wishes
May GOD Bless You & Yours
2007-01-22 06:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by sweettexasangel12001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First getting even will not work. Second, why is your pride damaged? She's the one who disgraced yourself. Now, if she was spreading rumors that you were not man enough for her so she cheated, then you'd have a pride problem. You do not have to simply forgive her. Dude, you are her master now. If she wants you and the marriage back, she has to earn it, day by day, action by action. She owes you and you own her. Make that very clear to her right away. If she agrees, then you have a chance, if not then she is not really sorry and really would rather it worked out with the other guy.
2007-01-22 05:15:21 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning on forgiving her you do NOT go out and cheat on her. two wrongs dont make a right. this is saying that you dont really forgive her. forgiving someone means that you are willing to give her a secound chance.
Really in the long run though, you will always remember that she cheated on you, you will never REALLY trust her again so you need to think about this before you take her back.
2007-01-22 05:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by play hard 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no no no ... neither answer is correct! first, two wrongs do not make a right! do not lower yourself to her level just to make yourself feel better - cuz you'd probably feel like crap once you were done. second, dont just suck up your pride and forgive her! you two need to talk about this situation. why did she cheat? is it good enough reason for you to forgive her? is she truly sorry for doing this or is she just gonna go out and do it again? perhaps a marriage counselor or family therapist can help you two sort out your issues. Good luck man!! Hope you can work it out!
2007-01-22 04:57:16 · answer #7 · answered by msdrdn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly...... is it your fault that she cheated on you, did you drive her to it i.e. no love, no affection, going out all the time and leaving her with the kids (if you have any, or the cat if you don't??) - have you given her low self esteem cos you are insecure, did you put her down all the time etc etc etc - what is the reason she cheated, as basically most people don't cheat unless there is a good reason such as the above if that is the case forgive her, take note of what caused her to cheat and NEVER do it again!!! If she cheated for no good reason i.e. just sex, 'a bit of fun' etc etc then she will more then likely do it again no matter what you do in which case your ONLY option is D.I.V.O.R.C.E!!!!!
Be brave and admit to the part you played in your wife's adultery and base your decision on this!!!
(but I do like one of answers above, whereby you cheat but "DON'T let the missus know and you will have that twinkle in your eye" - you know it makes sense!!!!)
2007-01-22 05:13:17 · answer #8 · answered by niccilicci 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband cheated (not physically though) cuz he thought that I was cheating on him (thanks to the army and their Jody B.S.) but I wasn't. It broke my heart and raised some major trust issues. After i was done crying my eyes out I was very angry and considered doing the same to him to "settle the score", but my heart just wouldn't let me. You both need to talk about this and the core reason behind this whole thing. No matter what advise you may get you are gunna do what you do, but listen to your heart, and don't wish revenge upon her or try to give it back (you will hurt yourself too doing that) Karma is a kick in the *** and everyone gets what they put out!
2007-01-22 05:12:24 · answer #9 · answered by Chris 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just cause you go out an do it doesnt mean its goin to make you feel better.. i have been cheated on an i didnt go out an do it cause i knew it would make me feel worse in the long run.. If you truly love her an want it to work sit her down an talk to her find out why it happen an what ya'll can do to make sure it dont happen again.. I belive everyone deserves a second chance
2007-01-22 04:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by pruittsgurl_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did she cheat? Are you not keeping her well satisfied at home? Or is she just a sleaze? The first one is repairable. The second is not. If you feel that this may be the start of something that she can't or won't control in herself, then leave. But like wont_this... said, "Don't stoop to her level."
2007-01-22 05:02:05 · answer #11 · answered by Angel L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋