We just found out a week ago that he is definitely this child's father. My fianncee 12 years ago asked if the child was his and this woman said no. Now we know she wasn't sure between him and another guy and just wanted to raise the child herself with no complications. Well she got married when the girl was 8 months, so she figured problem solved, he'd be the father. Three years ago they get divorced and this guys gf doesn't want him to see this girl since she's really not his....what a ****. Anyways, now she found my fiancee and is trying to give her daughter closure and let her know he real dad. We of course were both scared and all but she's not wanting money or anything, honestly she made the situation by turning my fiancee away from her 12 years ago...but that's the past. So far everything has gone well, talking on the phone with her and the daughter, her daughter is excited about meeting my fiancee and me! I"m excited too, she seems so sweet and I want to show her love...
2007-01-22 04:23:21 · 2 answers · asked by Jenny S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She's been through a lot. We live 2,000 miles away so we can't see her too ofte, it's just not possible. I'm a little jealous of my bf having a child with someone else, of course that was 12 years ago. We never wanted children, he still doesn't want a child but is going to show love to the one he happened to make. I don't want any bad feelings conveyed to this child. How do I deal with all this jealousy and feeling like he's really not mine anymore? I can't ignore the feelings, I can only acknowledge them and realize they aren't good, but they are still there. I hate feeling like this, because the situation could be worse. The mother just wants to do right by her daughter, she's not trying to tear us apart or ruin our lives...and we want to know the girl and help in what ever way she needs it. Of course the mother is still saying she doesn't want anything financially, she does well for herself and seems the independent type...I can't get past never having my own kid with him
2007-01-22 04:27:44 · update #1
My best friend said to look at it this way...He was with her for 1 month, he just gave her sperm....he gave YOU his whole heart. No one can take that away.
It's a nice way to think about it, but it still doesn't calm my emotions, I just want to have everything work well and everyone be happy, especially this child who never asked to be lied to. At least she knows her dad didn't abadon her, he didn't know she was his. He cares for her now...that's all that matters. Please only empathetic people, I'm admitting that what I'm feeling is not good, but I just don't want to feel it at all and don't know how to stop it
2007-01-22 04:32:42 · update #2
This is a difficult situation for both you and your future husband; however, it is also a great way to find out how your fiancee is around children and what is parenting expectations are as the role of a father in a child's life. Take things slowly and be sure to have constant conversations with your fiancee and his feelings on fatherhood and what role he expects to play in his daughter's life and what role, if any, he expects you to play in her life. If you are having second thoughts about being a step-mother than you might want to consider post-poning the wedding until your thoughts on the subject are clear. Good luck!
2007-01-22 04:32:05 · answer #1 · answered by nswanson1980 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For all that you are going through, my heart goes out to you.
Best possible thing for all concerned is DNA testing. You all have the right to know for sure if this is his child or not before anyone goes jumping off to add a person in to what seemed as a good relationship. In my life I have taken into my heart, many "strays"...children and young adults that just needed an understanding soul. I feel that your worries here are that 1) this child will change your relationship with the man you love 2) you feel that not being your "own" that it does not feel "right" . Just search your heart, know for sure this is his child and before you know it, she will quickly grow on your heart and be a wonderful addition to you life. Count this as a blessing Dear Heart
Rowynn Tree Girl
2007-01-22 13:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by mom tree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋