My fourteen year old daughter runs the house(in her mind) anybody know how I can communicate to her that she?

Question

cant always have her way ? My daughter knows who the boss is, but she is getting to the questioning authority phase of her life and I am becoming more and more impatient with her behavior. someone please help. 10 point to the person who answers best for me today.

Answer 1

Thats a tough time for a teen and you too. I raised two sons alone and those years in my youngest sons life nearly drove me crazy. I even took him to counseling.

Finally, I realized I had to set strict boundaries and guidelines, take away privileges, etc to get his attention. I admit, it was ROUGH at first, he tried everything to get his way and continue his control but I never gave in. Eventually he realized it was MY WAY or NO WAY.

Today, I am proud to say he is in the Army, married, and has a son of his own. We often laugh about those "rough years" and he tells me now that I taught him respect by making it harder for him back then.

Answer 2

Clearly assert your dominance. Allow her to question your decisions but only in a respectful way. Clearly spell out the rules of the house and the consequences of violation, DO NOT ever let her get away with violating any rule. Have a written record of the rules and consequences.

Listen to her point of view and if it makes sense then you may alter the rules, think about slowly giving her both more responsibility and freedom, but any irresponsible behavior and the freedom gets taken away.

Have her get a job. Make her responsible to pay for some of her own bills. This was the biggest eyeopener for my girl. Do not allow her to quit or get fired. I think that having a job at 14-15 years old is as much or even more of a education than school.

Make no decision hastily or with emotion. Know what she enjoys, what she hates and what will motivates her. Do not be afraid of taking away that which she enjoys and making her do that which she hates.

Get a book or two on leadership. She is nearly an adult you need to use adult strategies and leaderhip techniques with her.

No matter how much you feel sorry for her, how much she cries, how bad you feel for making her life miserable: Stay Strong, You will have to be cruel to be kind. Always make her suffer the consequences of her actions and always make her take responsibility for any outcome GOOD or BAD.

Praise and reward good behavior and good decision making

If you are getting unreasonably impatient with her remember how you were at that age.

You and your spouse must be on the same page, do not let her drive a wedge, If you and your spouse disagree with anything RE her then have those disagreements in PRIVATE. In front of her you are always UNITED.

Lastly put her on the pill sooner rather than later. You will both thank you for it. She will be having sex in the next year or so, if not sooner.

Good Luck ( by the way mine is 17 and has been trying to assert herself since she was 10)

Answer 3

Every week, schedule a meeting with her, much as you
would in a business, and let her air her complaints. Make
rules for this, i. e. : no personal assaults from either party,
no dredging up past experiences. Listen to her and ask
questions that will enlighten you to her real feelings and
then suggest some compromises where you would be
willing to meet her half way with conditions. 14 year olds
are the masters of their little world and have a very limited
concept of yours. Perhaps you could share some of your
young experiences with her...this might help, but realize
that at that age, their main job is to be selfish and your
main job is to keep them from harm. She's just trying to
fly and you need to offer a wing and a prayer. Try the
principles in the Nanny 911 book...they're for much younger
children but could be modified in this case. Great ideas.
My favorite, and the one that works beautifully is Rewards
For Good Behavior...make this part of the session.

Answer 4

Well, as a mother of 5 sons & 4 step kids, let me tell you it isn't easy. The best you can do is be consistent on reinforcing house/peronal rules. Remember when she was 2 & went thorugh this? Same thing on a grander scale. Hold your ground. I know, it gets old having to be the jerk alot of the time, but if you don't she'll walk all over you. She's looking to see what she can get away with. If she can pull off one or two small things then she'll move on to bigger & better. Can Dad help back you up at all? Power in numbers & a great stress reliever for you. I wish you luck!

Answer 5

the challenge is she is conscious you received't take her stuff away, i might want to a) tell her she will't watch any television till all of her homework and interpreting is executed, b) make a chain record of chores for her (or tell her what they are) to do if she has stopped doing chores c) take her computer, iPhone, or different products (which at 14 she should be quite grateful for those intense priced products) and d) because the three hundred and sixty 5 days is hitting merely after mid-way she would imagine that the three hundred and sixty 5 days would not in any respect end and is getting aggravated with each and every of the artwork, so, be the be sure and make her attempt this- and then if she receives strong grades, take her for a huge vacation- like a mom/daughter adventure. strong success.

Answer 6

okay, first of all, if you try the ''im the queen bee you do as i say'' rountine depending on the kid she could rebel even more and get into serious trouble, i actually know some people that have gone into drugs and stuff mainly to spite parents. also if she doesn't rebel she will, at the very least lose all respect for you.
actually the best way to avoid this is to start young, really young, like 2 years old, once it's gone this far you're doomed.

also, if your daughter is acting this way maybe there something missing or wrong. try to see if there's somethinf wrong with her and her friends or something.

oh, hey, maybe you should make sure you're not totally over protective and really remember that you're idea of a perfect life has nothing to do with her idea of a perfect life. don't try to totally over rule them!!!!!!!! if only to let them learn from their own mistakes

Answer 7

Father of two here, 21 and 15.

Hmmm...I hear about these types of problems from other parents I know, though I never had any problems with my own kids (seriously)

I'd say it is time to make some hard rules here. If she follows them, there must be some type of reward (not a Caribbean cruise, but something simple like a weekend trip to her favourite place). If she doesn't then there also needs to be an equal 'punishment'. Thing is though, from what I know of other parents when they choose to 'punish' their kids, the punishment lasts about 40 mins, and then the kid gets to do what the kid wanted to do to begin with, and so, round and round it goes. So, stick to your guns.

Failing all of this, get serious and make an appointment with some type of agency that helps parents in difficulties with their kids. Tell your daughter you are doing this because you are at your wit's end, and make sure she goes with you to the meeting too. Be strong. She'll learn.

Answer 8

You have to lay down the law. My 12 yr old stepdaughter is already trying that and she is learning the hard way that she is going to respect us and listen to us. Take away everything if you have to but if you tell her something you have to follow through with it or she will just think you are full of hot air. I am not looking forward to the next 4 yrs with her because things are probably just going to get worse you have to nip it in the bud. Good luck and God bless

Answer 9

I definately know what you mean I went through this with my daughter. It is very difficult. I am sure you are ready to rip your hair out. I hope yours never goes to the extreme my case did. I ended having to use tough love and I can tell you it was the toughest thing I had to do. My daughter was fourteen and started to rebel all authority. She thought she did not have to do anything in the house. She thought my rules were too strict about going out. I have to know where she is and who she is with. Homework comes first.She could not just run the streets. She could not go to a boys house, unless the parents were home Unfortunately, my daughter fell in with a bad boyfriend. She started drinking, smoking pot and having sex. She also thought she could come in when she wanted to. When she was not allowed she ran away. I did everything in my power to keep her from this boy with no avail. I even had a chins order put on my daughter. By the way she was occasionally skipping school with him to. The court could not get through to her either. The final time she took off with the boy she was gone for 2 days. She says because we would not allow her with this boy. The courts placed her in temporary custody. They felt she was putting herself in danger. Hardest thing I had to do in my life. After 2 weeks in custody. She had a strong desire to come home and made the necessary changes to make that possible. After 6 weeks she was home and now had a newfound respect for the rules. The hard part getting rid of the boyfriend. He would not leave her alone. Dss told her if she did not stay away from him and trouble she would be in custody longer next time. Hopefully yours is not to this extreme. You need to set the rules of the house and be CONSISTENT. Most important. When she breaks the rules follow through with consequenses. If she wont listen dont be afraid to ask the courts for help. It usual scares them just envolving the courts. Then they change. Most cases do not involve removing the child from the home. As I said ours was and extreme case. The court will set ground rules for your child to follow and will help you to inforce them. Just remember it gets worse if you do not get her under control now. My daughter is now sixteen and she is doing alll the right things. Her grades are up. She has a new even better boyfriend, whom I approve of. She does chores. She still occasionally talks back to me, but no one is perfect. At least I dont expect perfection. I wish you alot of luck. P. S. Someone suggested a job, unless you are going to have her work only on weekends her school work will suffer. Also, it can be a big mistake becauses this can give her a newfound independence which will only make her even more too big for her britches(if you know what I mean) She no longer has to depend on you for money therefore you can not use an allowance as leverage to behave. Working has its good points and bad points it is up to you. Just my opinion.

Answer 10

anytime you feel like you're ready to choke her.....say in a very low voice(making sure she can hear you).....14,14,14,14.Take a deep breath and remind yourself you ARE the boss.Then lay down your law and walk away.If she starts to yell or roll eyes,14,14,14.It works for me!
I accept the fact that my daughter will butt-heads with me on a second-to-second basis,That's what kids do,that's what we all do.But if I think it's something important,I stand my ground.I let her get mad and when she is tired of tantruming about it-I tell her why I said or did something and let her into the-real-world.
Hope it helped.