How can I get my husband to wake up all by himself? For the first year that we were together he had no problem waking up, getting himself his own coffee, getting his clothes ect..
And now when the alarm goes off he rolls over to wake me up, just so he can go back to bed. and then I have to get his clothes, bring him coffee in bed and then try to wake him up.
It usually takes about 1 to 2 hours to wake him up. and by that time I'm pissed because I have other things to do like take my son to school (which we are never on time because of this). My husband is usually late for work and then he blames it on me. But I'm doing the best I can. I don't know how much more I can take this by the time I get my own day going I'm so tired and have a raunchy attitude. I have been doing this for the past 5 years and I'm tired of it. How can he wake up in the morning just to wake me up and go back to bed?
I have tried ignoring him when he does this and
he will start nudging me until I get out of bed!
2007-01-22 03:57:58 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, He would never put his hands on me!
He is a very caring guy and this is the only problem that we have.
2007-01-22 04:09:02 · update #1
When he wakes you and nudges you out of bed, get up and make coffee. Then you leave his on the counter and enjoy yours. If he wants it he will have to get up and get it. Start your day and let him get up on his own. Do not give in! He will start getting up on his own. He is a grown man and does not need his mommy to get him ready in the morning. If you ignore him, you will have time to get your son to school and start your day without feeling stressed. It may take some time, but wait it out. You are enabling his behaviour and it won't change until you do.
2007-01-22 05:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it were me in this situation let him be late to work. You need to take care of you and your son. He is an adult and should be held responsible for his actions, so if he sleeps in because you didn't wake him that should be his problem, not your's. Don't get his clothes for him, I would make the coffee but not bring it to him in bed. If he wants the coffee leave a cup on the kitchen counter so he has to get out of bed for it. You have a son and yourself to get ready for the day, the least a husband can do is get himself out of bed. After 5 years your husband is use to you doing this so it may be an adjustment for him to do it himself. Maybe you can buy an extremely loud annoying alarm clock and let it keep going off in the morning. Take care of you and your son in the morning so he isn't late to school. You may not be able to stay in bed after the alarm goes off since he like to nudge you, so get up and shower or something so that your not there for him to nudge. Spend some time by yourself, take a bubble bath. It will get better. One more thing, communicate with your husband how you feel.
2007-01-22 12:21:19 · answer #2 · answered by Snowflake 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is awake enough to nudge you, he's awake.
Tell him, in no uncertain terms, the next time he nudges you awake, that you are getting up and going on with your own day and that he is responsible for himself, his clothes, I can't believe you bring this lazy bum coffee in bed!
And, you let him know that you expect him to help with getting the child ready for school, making the breakfast and cleaning up after too.
Finally, ignore him. Let him sleep in and be late for work. I know it will be hard as heck for you to walk out that front door with your child knowing your husband is counting on you to get his lazy butt out of bed, but after he is late for work (hopefully only once) he will know you are serious. If he give you any crap for this, and he will, let him know that things changed, that you have too much to do in the morning to keep after him. Let him also know that there won't be any more children until he starts helping out in the morning.
Don't be a doormat girl, people treat you the way you teach them to treat you.
Don't enable him. Like tough love with drunks, let them lie where they fall and just step around them.
If he doesn't change, loses his job or tries to blame anything on you, you look him square in the face and tell him he is an adult, was responsible for getting and keeping his own job and you are pretty sure he's been dressing himself since he was 5, so if he could do it when he was 5 he can darn well do it now.
Coffee in bed, on the weekends, a nice thing to do for anyone....does he ever do this for you?
2007-01-22 12:08:47 · answer #3 · answered by Liligirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, stop bringing him coffee in bed. After you get up, set the alarm again for whenever he needs to get up, and then let it go off. Don't turn it off.......he's an adult, let him deal with it. If he's late for work, tough. I understand what you're saying, though. When I was married, everything was my fault. Tell him the night before that you can't do everything and that from now on he'll have to haul his own *** out of bed.
2007-01-22 12:03:21 · answer #4 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh man, I sympathize with you. My husband tells me "get me up at this time in the AM." I say "why can't you set the alarm?" but when he does the alarm, he just decides not to get up. I have to wake him up to take his daughter to school, dance etc. He stays up way too late in the evening and doesn't have to be to work until 10 or later, but I still need help in the mornings. It's hard and we have lots of fights about it. I'm sorry I don't have a good answer for you! good luck.
2007-01-22 12:03:02 · answer #5 · answered by bettygirl1128 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out of bed when he nudges you...and go snooze on the couch until you are ready to get up. Or start your day...getting your son ready for school, etc. Or get him cold coffee. If he gets pissed tell him he's a big boy and needs to do SOME things himself.
2007-01-22 12:04:09 · answer #6 · answered by Guvo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to retrain your man...it sounds like he turned the tables on you and got you trained instead.
You need to let the alarm go off and when he tries to wake you up, you ignore him. After awhile of trying to get you up, nudging and bugging you, he will get annoyed and get up on his own. Five years of putting up with that is far too long. He can get his own damn clothes ready and his coffee too. Teach him to lay out his clothes the night before so he doesn't have to go searching for them. He can also have the coffee filter ready the night before to brew the coffee. Alot of coffee makers can be set to brew at a certain time...
Don't put up with that male chauvanist...It's a test of wills and you need to let him see who's really boss...
2007-01-22 12:28:42 · answer #7 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get up and do what you need to do and go on. Let him lay there and sleep his stupid asss off. Don't let him make you responsible for him. He is responsible for himself. He is grown you know. Let him lay there and wake up at noon and relize you are not going to cauddle him and he will have to start getting up on his own. Get him his own alarm clock for his side of the bed and be done with it. Wow! What a baby!
2007-01-22 12:04:12 · answer #8 · answered by Jewells 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you let yourself get in this situation... old habits are hard to break and having this go on for 5 years, it will be very hard to break... I don't have any suggestions for you, other than stop being his maid, his mom, and start being his wife. When he wakes you up, get up and move to the couch, turn the alarm back on and move it across the room so he has to get up out of bed and turn it off... good luck on making him grow up!
2007-01-22 12:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by emtb9 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sleep somewhere else. That way he'll be forced to get at least turn off the alarm. If he doesn't, than he'll be late because of his own lazy (_o_). He can't blame you for not getting up. He's a GROWN MAN, tell him to take responsibility for his own actions. I'm hoping he won't be childish enough to blame you for not getting him out of bed. You're his WIFE NOT HIS SERVANT!!!
2007-01-22 12:14:36 · answer #10 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋