I met her a few years ago, planning to get married soon. She is all I've dreamt of and I simply love her to bits. She is older than me by 7 yrs (she's 31). In the beggining I didn't think to much of her past, but asking about it and her not telling me too much made me dig deeper and deeper till I hurt her by doing so. I wanna stop that, thinking of her past mistakes and guys she dated etc. She even changed a lot, she is a pure Christian now, more of a reason 4 me to forget about her past...but I still cannot do that. I prayed about it, I "punished" myself 4 it in ways coz I don't want to hurt her by bringing it up again I think I've tried everything...Any of U guys/gals gone thru this? Will I ever be able to overcome these things or will it haunt me 4 ever? It really drives me to despair sometimes and I just feel like climbing the walls :( Why me?? Why does this happen ? WTF is wrong w/ me ? The thing that will probly freak U out about me even more is that we were both virgins when we met. I kno about "technical virginity" etc...but I don't think it's her case. Her problems were more about just promiscous behaviour and bad morals....I kno U'll consider me a freak....maybe I am....the thing is I WANT to put everything behind where it belongs...Just HOW to do that
2007-01-22 03:57:11 · 6 answers · asked by Ella F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Best Answer - Chosen By You
I think a lot of men deal with this whether they admit it or not especially when they really love their wife. It takes time. And it only makes it harder when the woman is not very open about her past.
I know exactly what you are feeling. It is easy to say the past is the past and we should not be judgmental about people's past behavior. But that is not the issue. The issue is how can you forgive someone about their past when they are not opening up about it. Because when you really love a person, you are to love everything about them, including the past. Because the past is what made them who they are. If a person is not willing to open up about their past how can you really appreciate who they are? It is very hard to love a self-righteous person that does not even forgive themselves.
I feel your pain.
The good news is that the closer she gets to you and trust that you will not judge her she will begin to open up to you more.
2007-01-22 03:59:39 · update #1
You have to choose to get over it, dude. Good luck. Sounds like you have a winner. I hope you don't blow it.
2007-01-22 04:00:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has a "past" of some sort. If you don't, then you are probably just too young. If you can't accept the fact that your fiance didn't live her life in a manner that met your standards prior to the two of you becoming involved, then perhaps you shouldn't be getting married. Neither of you can change the past. If you are having this much trouble "getting over" your fiance's "past", then she is obviously not "all you have dreamt of", nor are either of you right for each other. I would suggest that you take a long hard look at your reasons for wanting to get married in the first place.
2007-01-22 04:12:52 · answer #2 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she was a virgin when you meet I don't understand what could be so bad about her past. Who are you to judge her anyway. I am sure you have some skeletons in you closet also. Why do you fee the need to know about her past anyway. When you get married you are planning your future not judging your past. If you feel like this I hope she wont marry you, because I think your expectation are way too high and I don't think anyone could live up to them. Good luck
2007-01-22 04:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by angie a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say that "she is a pure Christian now" and that you "prayed about it." Either you believe that Jesus can truly make her new again or you don't. The issue is more with your belief than anything else. If this is a stumbling block for you, let her go and move on. You are not ready for this kind of a relationship and she doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love her 100%.
2007-01-22 04:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by Harley 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GIVE HER A CHANCE! BUT IF YOU CAN'T GET OVER IT THEN YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF, BECAUSE NOBODYS LIFE IS ARE IS GOING TO BE PICTURE PERFECT.
2007-01-22 04:02:30 · answer #5 · answered by CHARM 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your issue. If you're unable to accept who she is NOW, then PLEASE do NOT marry her. Marriage does not resolve issues, but rather enlarges them.
2007-01-22 04:05:09 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋