I don't understand how the adoption laws work...?

Question

How is it possible for a 38 year old single white female that is prejudice, has 2 children of her own that she doesn't have custody of, adopt a black child? Is it because I was born in Kansas? Is that Kansas law? How is that ethical and can I fight it in court with my reward being all of my adoptiion records as opposed to a devorce from my adoptive mother? Did she have an advantage because she was in the military?

I am Korean and Black not sure if she thought I was going to be Korean at birth.

I am Korean and Black not sure if she thought I was going to be Korean at birth.

i am not a teen i am 28 she said my son had too much black in him so i think that constitutes prejudice. I just don't understand the screening process. there are so many good people that don't get kids how did she get me? I'm not really asking out of anger I'm asking out of non understanding.

Answer 1

i live in kansas. i just adopted my daughter a year ago. i don't know how laws were in this state 28 years ago, i only know how they work now. as for your situation, i'm sorry your mother never raised you to feel like you were her own. and that the kansas laws now would not ever allow a woman who did not have custody of her 2 biological children to adopt. but then again i do not know the specifics of why she didn't have custody. 28 years ago is was very easy to slip through the cracks and keep secrets like that away from professionals. they probably did not even know of the other 2 biological children. personally, it sounds like you need to rething your mother being around your son. comments like that not only will harm his self esteem, but will do nothing for bonding with him. those kind of comments are poisonous, and you never know what a child will decide to remember or believe. just inform him that his grandmother is incorrect, and limit their time together, if any at all. i don't think military had anything to do with it, but again 28 years ago. as for your adoption records, kansas is now an open adoption state. this means anytime you are over 18 they must give you your original birth certificate. when you were a baby, the adoption world was so different. my daughter now will be raised not only knowing she's adopted, but also she has once yearly visits with her birthmother, as well as birthday and holiday and just whenever cards. i want her to know she was not placed for adoption out of not being wanted. but that she was very loved and the best wanted for her. i want her to know she is very loved no matter that her skin and ethinicity is different from ours. we are her parents, and she is our child. and it just breaks my heart you were not placed with a better adoptive mother. you should consider yourself her own. i never want my child to feel that she is not our own. she is, just not genetically, and i have kept the genetic ties, so she can know those too. but also because her birthmother is my friend, she gave me a gift no one else could. and that was my own daughter. i'm sorry, and my heart breaks for you and your son. i hope you can find peace.

Answer 2

the woman was screened, she apparently passed. she could have hidden things or not. there are many reasons she may not have custody of her 2 previous children. and the military career may have given her credibility, but she doesn't get extra points or anything for just being in the military.
the court is not entitled to give you your adoption records. they are private unless the birth mother said you could see them. when ever the court awards you something, it is NOT a reward. it is the court trying to put things the way they are supposed to be, not giving a windfall to the person who wins the case.

if you don't want "divorced" from your adoptive mother, then obviously things aren't that bad. it sounds like you're having more of teenage/parent issues than anything else. you'll get over it as you get older. maybe your adoptive mom isn't prejudice, she's just trying to explain things to you, but not doing a good job of expressing herself.