My husband is coming home on leave from the military, and I have a problem!?

Question

I want to be fair! He would like to have his extended family present at the airport when he comes home. I would like for it just to be the two of us, as 7 months will have passed since we last saw one another. I know that if they come to the airport, they will want to come home with us, and we really would like to be alone the first night, naturally! They do not drive and I know my husband would feel obligated to drive them home, which would really put a damper on our reunion. If I was trying to be completely selfish, I would not be taking the time to ask this question, so please try not to be overly critical. I want him to be happy, and I know that having his family there is important to him, but we need to compromise, as I think my happiness is important too! Please help!!!!

For Clarification to all the critics: I never said my husband was in Ira

For clarification to all the critics: 1. I never said that my husband is in Iraq or Afghanistan. 2. When he was, and came home I shared OUR reunion with my MIL, SIL and her husband! When he was ho me in July, I took my SIL to the airport with us to say goodbye! So, there have been times when I have made accomodations to include his extended family. (Extended family= mother, father, sisters and brothers, once one gets married.)

Answer 1

He is the one who has been away in the military. I personally think you should respect his wishes. Come on after they leave you have lots and lots of time to get together.
This will cause less strife for him. You must remember that his mother has not seen him in a long time. If you force him not to have his extended family present then it will cause him strife.

I would honor his wishes.

Answer 2

The best thing you can do in this situation is take control of it yourself. Let them know they are welcome at the airport, but dinner/socializing, etc. will not start until the next day. Go as far as to even make sure everybody has a ride to the airport and BACK home. Then plan the picnic, BBQ, Thanksgiving, Christmas bash for the next day, or the day after that. I don't blame you and can imagine how you feel, but the only way to get around those MIL/SIL types is to control it yourself--you may even want to go so far as to tell them (not actually do it) that you have reservations at the Hilton or Sheraton. Good luck and congrats on hubby coming home!

Answer 3

You are not being selfish, you are completely normal. You have been missing him like crazy, are eagerly anticipating his arrival, busting your butt, and worrying like crazy about him and all you want to do is spend some time alone w/ your husband the 1st day he comes home on leave. That is perfectly normal. De ja vu when I read your question... my husband just returned from his 2nd tour in Iraq and I've had these same feelings/ thoughts before. First, I have a son who is my world. I can't imagine him coming home for just two weeks and not being able to see him. Second, I also realize that once my son gets married, that is his new family. As hard as it may be, I am going to have to accept that one of these days. Hopefully your in-laws will surprise you like mine always tended to do. They always made a point to get a room and give us "alone time" the first day or so, even if my husband and I both offered them the guest room. Good luck and I'm glad you get to spend some time w/ your husband, it will all work out fine, try not to worry!!

Answer 4

Dolphin your man has not seen the people in his life that are important to him in over 7 months as you stated, including you. I realize that you'd like to have a special and romantic evening alone on the first night but this may have to be put off until later in the night. His people have probably been very worried about his safety also and have been trying to remain in contact with him via mail etc. So why not pick them up and take them with you to greet their son. How would you feel if it was your son and his wife didn't want you there to greet him? If your husband has to drive them home later in the evening after sharing a nice meal out or at home, then this will allow you the opportunity to get things ready for his return to your arms. Try and put yourself into their shoes would be my best advice and this may help make it easier to share this wonderful event with them. Best luck and hopefully your husband will not be deployed again. Have a happy homecoming.

Answer 5

It sounds like a really sensitive situation. Would it be possible for his family to stay in a hotel? That way he would get to spend time with you and his family, but you would have him to yourself for the first night home. Its hard not to be selfish when you have been away from the one you love. I think that you are being very fair and looking for the best option for everyone involved. If you have the finances, book his family a room at a nice place, that way you can have some privacy and they won't feel like they are in the way. Even though they want to see him, surely they must know that a husband and wife would won't some time alone.

Answer 6

Sometimes the feelings of others have to come first. As much as you miss him and want to be alone with him his parents are an important part of his life. I'm sure being a wife or girlfriend is difficult when your man goes away to the armed forces but if you have ever been a parent you should know how difficult this time has been for his parents. Your children are you're heart and soul. Yearning for some hands on time is something that will come in time. Let his parents spend some time and finally let go of that fear they have dealt with everyday since he's been gone then you can have your time with him. I know it's not easy but if you can be patient and put yourself in his parents place maybe you can make everyone comfortable and be sure to have a wonderful homecoming.

Answer 7

Oh no way would after 7 months would i have family there, plan a reunion the next day, with food ,and family,,, friends ,and have a great time, the first night should just be you two. Explain to his mom and dad and who ever your wishes and then tell them about wanting a reunion the next day and make a big deal about needing there help getting every thing together and contacting friends and etc. they should if they have and ounce of brains understand that you wish some one on one time with there son.

Answer 8

Instead of excluding them and looking like the bad person try letting them go with you and then you both go to their house for dinner and that way when your ready to leave you can just go. I am sure he wants to see his family too as they do him, so compromise and work together. Let them know in advance that you are coming over the day he arrives and you want to have dinner, lunch or whatever maybe and spend a little time there but afterwards you are going home to spend some quality time together and possibly get together the next day and do something fun. I have a over aggressive MIL too.

Answer 9

This is a really tough one. I can feel your love for your husband and understand you can't wait to get him to yourself. But, I can also understand how he really misses his extended family too. Don't be resentful. Try understanding how special everyone is to him and how he really loves you. you've both been through a lot. It's best if you can want to make him happy and have his family meet him at the airport to without feeling resentment. I'm sure he really wants to be alone with you too.

The next day when you finally get alone together, still do all the really special things for him that you would have done for him the first night home.

Answer 10

I totally understand your side of this- but try to think about his family... His parents have a blood/soul connection to him and I'm sure they have an almost desperate need to see their son after such an extended period away. If he is home for longer than a few days/weeks/etc., I'd give them their time when he gets in and then you get him all by yourself right after. My view is that if you've waited 7 months, you can wait another day for your "reunion." :) You'll still get your happiness- but so will he-- (and his family)-- plus, it keeps the peace, which in the long run, will make you more of the kind of woman he'd probably more desire. I hope that helps you! Have a wonderful reunion with your man! :)

Answer 11

Don;t be selfish, Have a big party for the family, so you can all get together, you can get in a minute or so, (smile) this way every one would be happy. Remember you can have the whole night together, and after that. You have got to keep everyone happy, because if you don't, you will never live this down. I know your happiness is important, but some times we have to be mature, and share the joy!