How to motivate my wife?

Question

My wife thinks she has it rough. She works 16 hours a week(sat and Sun). Stays at home with out 2 kids during the week, while I work my 40. She goes to school 2 nights a week for 2 hours. She is always tired. To tired to clean, laundry, activities with kids, sex etc etc you name it she has an excuse for it. She won't even be showered or have her teeth brushed by the time I get home from work. But on the weekends when she works I seem to have the house all picked up and everything done and still spend time with kids and watch some football. I feel I do more then my share but somehow she can throw excuses at me that make me feel like the "bad guy". I have tried directing her to the Flylady website but that didn't spark her intrest I need some advice. HELP

Made a typo. She stays home with our 2 boys(3years and 7 month old)

Answer 1

It sounds like your wife might be suffering from depression. Unfortunately, by trying to motivate her, you are probably making her defensive and maybe even more depressed. I'd encourage her to see a doctor to have depression---or any health problems ruled out.

The Flylady website can be a lifesaver for many of us who are oranizationally challenged. It has really helped me to be able to get (and keep) my house in order and to manage my time better. YOU might try signing up for Flylady's emails. Every week there is a zone to clean and it is broken down so that cleaning is not overwhelming. Just do it and don't waste time or mental energy playing the martyr. You might be surprised at how quickly your wife and kids start pitching in when they see the routines start to work for you. Set the example.

Good luck to you and to your wife!

Answer 2

First, your wife could honestly be tired.
How old are your children?
If they are very yong, then doing it day after day after day is quite tiring.
It is good that you help out on weekends, when she works.
Has she been to the doctor, recently?
Have her get a check up.
It sounds like you think your wife is lazy.
Okay, there are some lazy women, I will admit.
But, here are some questions:
1. how long has this been going on? Was she always like this or has something happened that has made things change?
2
Tell her that you know that she is tired and she is quite busy. Don't minimize the work that she does do, this will only make her defensive.
But, ask her to write down a list of things that she does do, just so you can get a prospective of what she does do when you are at work.
In some cases, the women could be going through a depression. Sometimes it is brought on by mpostpardom sometimes by other things.
Alternatively, if she says that she is tired, ask her how you can help so that she will not ab as tired and be able to contribute more to your marriage etc.
Maybe a sister coming in once a week would help.
Maybe she just needs some friends to sit with her and boost her confidence.
Would she be willing to sacrifice that new "something" to hire someone to come in a couple of days a week and do what she is unwilling to do.
You do have to find out whether she is "too tired and unable," or "too disinterested and unwilling," o do these things.
If she just isn't willing, then, she should pay for someone else to do it.
If she is unable, then, you need to look into pysicaphysical and psychological causes.

Answer 3

There may be times in a marriage during which one partner "works more" than the other. But you have an imbalance that is extreme. You need to make a list of what each of you will do each week. And you need to review it together and both commit to it. But DON'T do any more work remodeling her mothers house until she starts doing her part around the house. If her mother asks why you have stopped work tell her you are sorry but you had to spend a lot of time doing "and then list of the stuff your wife was supposed to do and didn't do" and so you didn't have time to get over to hers. If her mother asks why you are doing that, you can say that the initial plan was for your wife to do it, but she didn't get to it. Don't attack her daughter or say anything critical. Just say she "didn't get to it, so I have to do it and therefore I don't have time to do the remodeling. The other alternative you could give her is she could go back to work and you could hire a cleaning lady. My wife and I had a similar type conflict once but we worked it out because when she understood how frustrated I was she really stepped up. Myspace cannot be allowed to be a higher priority than her family. You are going to have to be very firm because after five months your wife has gotten used to letting you do almost all the work and she is going to try hard to keep the status quo. You are going to need to find out how to get her attention. I have a great wife, and we have a great marriage, even so when I had a sort of similar problem it took a LOT of effort and pressure for me to get her attention.

Answer 4

Your wife seems a bit stressed. Since you want to motivate her to be more clean(ly), you should encourage her in different ways. If you want her to clean the house or even just do part of it, do it with her and give both of you rewards for it. Make it a together fun activity. For her personal hygiene, spoil her a little bit. Pamper her with a home done spa type thing, or send her to a spa. I know it sounds like you'd be doing a lot, but if it works it would be worth it.

She sounds like she feels underappreciated, maybe depressed. If treating her wonderfully doesn't work, she might need some counseling, especially if she used to hold up her end before.

I hope that you get your relationship back on track.

Answer 5

Sorry to say it, but it doesn't sound like your wife is happy in her marriage to you. Shared responsibility is a direct result of committment which is in turn a direct result of love for one another. I would write to her, if talking is too severe, and ask her to respond sincerely as to why she is unmotivated. I am assuming she has no mental problems or clinical depression. All the best.

Answer 6

umm really? try asking her where was the girl married gone to and give her your best puppy eyes and kiss her on the cheek? cause honestly dude i wouldnt kiss my wife/girlfriend if she hadnt done that, dude i had issues even hugging my x fiance after i played hockey! i had to shower and brush my teeth before i even kissed her good night

Answer 7

wow man you are doing all the work. tell her you want out if she don't get going. looks to me like you are stuck. i did it for 4 years. then got out of it. is her name Donna e. i don't think she will wake up . good luck to you. you would make a good wife

Answer 8

take her out... even if you don't want to admit it you love this woman, come on you and children and your married to her! take her out one day and pay attention to her! tell her to get dress that you are taking her somewhere nice get a babysitter for the whole night and really give her all of your attention for this night! after take her home and put it on her... give it to her like you did when you guys were still dating! after that night things will change and if they don't.... your screwed!

Answer 9

Maybe she just needs some attention from you. Make her feel appreciated, thank her for what she has accomplished, etc....

This way you don't feel like you didn't try to work with the relationship and all.

Answer 10

She probably is tired buring the candle at both ends, stop whining about it and help her more. she doesnt need three babys!