My ex husband came home in 1989 with sexualy transmitted deseases. Also he was a batterer, and I had to take my son and live in a shelter and divorce him. He has so lied about the problem that now church members and my own family simpathize with him. He is still a youth minister. He and his second wife that is alrightby the way...she is fooled too...are youth pastors. He has our own son doubting me even after all I was granted in court. I can't obtain his medical records from 1989. This problem has even more serious complications that I can't yet talk about. What would you do? I am remarried to a very nice man by the way. I'm just tired of having to act like everything is alright with this. I'm tired of being intimidated. Help me please!
2007-01-22 03:37:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in that same boat, but with out the STD. My ex is an a** and he controlled and abused me for 10 years, we had two children as well. Now he is with another woman and she had kids as well.
She loves him and I am sure her kids do too. Now it is 'wow Mr, nice guy' and I am left wondering why people don't see what I saw for over 10 years. this is a hard pill to swallow. I just try to remind myself that it is not my job to make people see him for what he really is, in time his character will come out. It pisses me off that he is sooooo wonderful now and he is just the best thing since sliced bread, but I can't change it. The only thing I can control is me and how I react to things. I have to fix me and my family, the hell with what he is doing. I can't fix what he does, says or who he does it with. The only thing you can do is hope that God truly came into his life and changed him for good and he is believing what he is living. You will not be able to change what the new woman feels or thinks. My ex's new love told me that 'maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut and that I exaggerated, initiated and provoked the abuse". In my book, she deserves what she signed up for and she can have him.
YOU CONTROL YOU, NO ONE ELSE. TRY TO REMEMBER THAT AND IF YOU HAVE TO SAY IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO YOURSELF, WHEN YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM OR HER.
2007-01-22 03:51:38 · answer #1 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie I feel for you i have been in the same situation as well, you have every legal right to obtain his medical records. My ex was abusive in ever possible way! He was physical, verbal, mentally and emotionally. He too denied that anything happened and he also too had a affair with another woman while doing drugs. Him and this other woman was not alone either he had a threesome him and another man with this woman. Then told me after we had sex that he couldn't remember if he wore protection. With that action he did I had to take a AIDS test for almost 2yrs! In the result I did catch a STD it was Clap. He has everybody fooled too, he made everybody believe that I was the crazy one. Just like your ex my ex remarried too. You take him back to court and get those records so that way you can have some closure and also tell him about the hell that he put you through. Good luck! If you need any someone to talk to be free to IM me at theresa_whitley_28.
2007-01-22 04:00:56 · answer #2 · answered by theresa_whitley_28 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you cannot change the past. He's moved on and so have you. Just leave it alone. There's no point is trying to convince people that your ex was (and still might be) a sleazeball. If he's trying to fool people in church, sooner or later, the truth will come out. Nothing stays in the dark forever. Just let it be. Be at peace with your new husband and live your life to the fullest. I would keep your son out of whatever you are feeling and facing. Regardless of what he did to you, that's still his father in his eyes. Kids are not stupid, they see things even when we don't say anything. Just leave it alone. Unless your ex is threatening you in anyway, I would just let it go. What comes around, goes around. One day he'll get a taste of his own medicine.
2007-01-22 04:27:11 · answer #3 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are living close together??? MOVe away from him.
IN the same church??? leave for another
If he battered you he will his wife and then everyone will know unless she hides it.
Evil can not hide forever, unless he is a changed man, but you do not think so,
stay away from him,
and live your life and have as little contact with him from now on.
Since you did not get and keep copy's of doctor reports and papers from the shelter and court papers,, police reports of the battery then there is nothing you can do.
2007-01-22 03:53:15 · answer #4 · answered by picture 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is creating a hostile environment for you and your son and your first concern is your son. Don't bad mouth him to your son, it changes who he is and makes him feel about himself because he's half your ex and will feel it rubbed off on him.
If this is a he said/she said then I would tell him to stop talking bad about you to your son or anyone else otherwise it's time to go to court, did you make out police reports when he battered you? Do you have a record of this then use it.
Tell him that you will no longer allow him to discredit and disrespect you to his son or your community. All we have is our reputation and he should not be able to hurt yours. The past is the past and it sounds like you moved on but you need to talk to your ex and try to iron this out, I realize he's a creep but it's step one. If that doesn't work I would talk to an attorney and see what your rights are, get evidence of what he's saying to hurt your reputation but try not to let the past condemn your future. I really think you should get some counseling, legal and mental health wise. For your son's sake I hope this gets taken care of.
2007-01-22 03:56:24 · answer #5 · answered by marianlaughs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so your first husband was a dirtbag. Why do you need to get his old medical records?
I say you just live your life. If your family/friends are believing his bunk I just don't know what else you can do except tell them the truth and tell them how much it hurts you that they chose to believe him.
You don't have to act like everything is alright, but you should act like it's in the past.
2007-01-22 03:44:18 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God will give him his justice. If you have told people and they choose to ignore you, then you have done your part and should be at peace with that. I'd say it is time to move on, time to break all ties, time to stop concerning yourself with any of this. Make the life you have now priority. When you are asked about it, ignore the question. If you have to, get some professional conseling. Carrying this around with you forever will only hurt you and your new husband.
2007-01-22 03:54:44 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you being so fixated on whether your ex is believed or not. If you have remarried and so has he then what has is got to do with you anymore? If he is lying then he will get found out eventually without your interfering. You are running the risk of looking obsessed. Let your boy have a relationship with his father and get on with your life.
2007-01-22 03:49:52 · answer #8 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to accept the reality about your life. You have to move on and don't look at the past. See your future in a better perspectives and to do it by think a positive idea now. Just focus in your circle of influence (yourself) not in the other person's feelings and ideas because if you listen to them you will just be intimidated.
2007-01-22 03:59:38 · answer #9 · answered by Kim Ross 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on the positive and forget about the bull****. 1989 was a long time ago. Who cares what other people think you know the truth. Let it go already.
2007-01-22 03:49:24 · answer #10 · answered by Belinda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋