Does it ever work out to go back to a spouse who has cheated on you? How long before the trust is back? How long before intimacy can be restored? Is it worth it?
2007-01-22 03:08:15 · 10 answers · asked by greeneyes 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I remember reading somewhere that about 50% of couples "get over" an affair. Most say it was worth it. Mind you, it probably depends a lot on the specifics and what else is going on.
Only you can gauge that.
Trust takes a long time to come back.
2007-01-22 03:13:03 · answer #1 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can go with statistics but I read somewhere that 50% of all statistics are wrong. *wink* Well it depends on the person who was cheated on. For example my wife if she was cheated on me I wouldn't trust her probably until I was able to forget about her cheating on me. She on the other hand might be able to trust me a lot quicker. The intimacy usually doesn't come back until trust is restored, intimacy is based largely on trust and without trust everything else falls apart. Is it worth it? Well that depends on how much work one is able / willing to invest in making things work and it depends on your situation, do you or do you not have children together, how long have you two been together, how much do you love each other? Is the person who cheated in constant contact with the person they cheated with? (If they still have constant contact it will most likely happen again, you need to decide if you want to take the risk) If this only happened once than I would say listen to your heart and see if your heart is willing to go through it. If it's happened more than once than i would say listen to your head because at this point you need to be smarter and the heart isn't dumb but it's kind of blind, ya know? I hope this helps you and good luck.
2007-01-22 11:32:35 · answer #2 · answered by J-Dub 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, there is nothing wrong with you. If he's cheated on you, only you can answer the question you have asked. The scenario should go something like this....
#1- He begs your forgiveness and tells you he won't do it ever again.
#2- It's up to you, and only you, to decide when or if you are able to trust him again. He has to accept this as part of the consequences of his mis-trust to you. He can't pressure you to forget it and forgive. Only YOU can decide to forgive him or not. He has to accept this as fact.
#3- Intimacy will be restored when you decide he is again trustworthy. That will be true intimacy. Anything else will be simple sex.
Good luck, honey. Email me if you want more info. I am a counselor in FL.....
2007-01-22 11:15:59 · answer #3 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have heard of alot of people who went back, some it worked, some it didn't. It just depends on the couple. Trust takes a long time to get back, I would go to some therapy. You have to decide if it is worth it.
2007-01-22 11:16:49 · answer #4 · answered by not2bright 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its very hard to go back to trusting someone who has cheated. There is a big trust issue here. If he cheated on you once he will do it again. I've been there and it's not fun. Your mind is constantly being bombarded with thoughts of him being with someone else. You dont deserve that! You will only attract what you think you deserve....If you are a woman of integrity you will attract men of integrity. Hold your head up and walk with pride in yourself. You deserve better.
2007-01-22 11:18:06 · answer #5 · answered by Kathy S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most can forgive but the clencher is 'forgetting' that is the hard part. You will always wonder in the back of your mind where he is if he is late or something. Cheating is the worst hurt in a relationship and I have dealt with is 2x, and I could not recover from it. I tried but in the end it didn't work
2007-01-22 13:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really expect answers to these questions? It is different for everyone. Love is what you make of it. Trust is rebuilt through actions over time. Only you can decide if the time is worth it. The only good news is, you are now in control. The cheater is now your slave. If they will not accept that role, then forget them.
2007-01-22 11:13:53 · answer #7 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are many chapters to this roller coaster ride.
You both have to want it more than anything you ever wanted before.
If there was a trusting friendship when your relationship first began and it was strong, your chances of survival are very good.
Without that, you can throw in the towel.
2007-01-22 11:30:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first and foremost-IT IS NOT TOUR FAULT FOR ANOTHER PERSONS DECISION TO BE AN IDIOT,it has been my experience that the bad conduct will be repeated,unless the wrongdoer gets all the help they need to stop,and or really wants to. my experience tells me to tell you to move on,start a new life with someone you can trust and tell them what you expect and wont tolerate,and the consequences of such behaviour
2007-01-22 11:19:29 · answer #9 · answered by drivingfast2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope---never go back---only go forward
2007-01-22 11:36:52 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋