For starters - I'm a 22 yr. old woman, and my soon-to-be fiancè is 27. We recently had an unexpected discussion over having a prenup, which he's all for, and I don't agree with. He says it's the smart thing to do, and it's just a precaution. (He knows people who didn't have one, got divorced, and one person lost everything...) I feel like he's planning a divorce before we've even officially planned the wedding. This is my 1st real relationship & the 2 of us are very much in love. He's told me time and time again that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but now I can't help but feel that he must not trust me as much as he says he does, and he already is thinking about us not working out. Should I be taking this so personally, and letting it make me feel as if he, even subconsciously, has some doubts, or is it really just the "smart thing" to do? I love him with all of my heart, but if our feelings on this are so different, should I be reconsidering things?? PLEASE HELP!!
2007-01-22 02:56:30 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no way to know the future. Right now, you both love each other very much and you both believe that will never change. Funny thing about beliefs: sometimes they're wrong. There are a million "unplaned for" events that may happen between now and the day you die. On the bizare and extreem, what if you hit your head on your honeymoon, got a personality disorder from the brain damage, and became addictect to sex and started going out five nights a week looking for new guys to sleep with? Do you think he should have to share half his money with you or risk loosing everything if that happened? Now something a little more mundane: what if over the course of ten years, five jobs each, a kid or two, etc, you just grow apart and decide to get a divorce? I hate when that happens to couples, and my wife and I have actively avoided it, but some couples it does happen to. Are you going to share half of what you've got with him in that case?
A prenup is a "better safe than sorry" kind of thing. If you really do stay as in love forever as you are today, then the prenup has no effect. If you're so confident that you're always going to be this in love with him and that you'll have no problems, then you should have no problem signing a prenup that he gets everything. Why? No divorce means it never happens. The only reason I can think of for a person to actively avoid signing a prenup is because they actually want to get something out of a divorce.
2007-01-22 03:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well alot more could be said from you but wasn't, so I'll ask.
Does he have alot more he is bringing into the relationship than you do? IF he does, like land, lot's of proporties, money, you can't blame him for wanting to feel safe in todays age of electronice and divorce!!
IF you have alot to bring into the marriage, then you'd be best off to salvage that too and feel safe that it is and always will be yours.
IF a prenup is written out, make sure the small clauses don't say everything is his! EVERYTHING that is gained after the vows should be claused in the prenup that those things are to be split or sold to benifit both of you. NOTHING that is gained during the marriage shouldn't just go to ONE party!
IF he's the one insisting, then also have a clause written up that if he's the one to end the marriage or no matter who ends the marriage, that you will receive so much a month for the rest of your life!!! He may think twice about having one wrote up.
2007-01-22 03:17:47 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you would feel as though it is a smack in the face or like he is planning out your divorce but honestly, being divorced myself and pretty much gaining nothing from it beyond the custody of my daughter (which is the best thing to have received also***), I think it is smart to do because you can never tell what the future will bring. It would be nice to live in that fairy-tale state that well you are in love and that that should be all that matters but things do happen that can cause that love to break and it's better to be safe then sorry...I wouldn't look at it as a sign that he doesn't love you and would agree to it because if you don't and you do end up being divorce (which I hope you guys do not), you will at least know that you are safe from anyone trying to take advantage of you and the situation. Take care and good luck:)
2007-01-22 03:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by serenity113001 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting a pre-nup is a good thing. More marital problems occur over money than over sex. Think of some things YOU may want if the relationship should fail. Meet w/an attorney and discuss issues that would be beneficial to you, if necessary. A break-up is emotionally consuming and money issues can make it all the more painful. Remember, this is just a precaution. May you have happiness together forever!
2007-01-22 06:43:28 · answer #4 · answered by planetary janet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with him wanting a prenup. Just be sure you are protected in it also. Don't sign you kids away before you even have them. (lol) If you love him and want what is best for him and you then you will sign it. I think anyone would be stupid these day to get married with out one. Good luck!
2007-01-22 03:04:04 · answer #5 · answered by angie a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I personaly would never ask for one and would be deeply offended if my partner asked. The only time I would agree is if one of two were extremely wealthy and a fair amount were worked out. For average people there is little need for one as in most states anything you possessed befor the marriage is yours when you leave
2007-01-22 03:10:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all if he is wealthy and has alot of assets that he had before he met you this is reasonable. My advice would be to get your own attorney to look it over and make sure that it is fair. Especially in regards to how much you will get depending on how long you have been married and child support for the future children that you have. I can understand this hurts your feelings but he is just proctecting himself and if he has assets that he had before you this is fair. Good luck
2007-01-22 03:03:46 · answer #7 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's the nature of pre-nuptials. I think if you aren't going to commit then you shouldn't bother getting married. Yeah, it's a good idea financially speaking, but signing the papers kind of creates an invisible rift in your relationship that wasn't there before.
2007-01-22 03:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by karen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is abnormally wealthy, look at it from his perspective. The fact is, there are gold diggers out there. You aren't one, but they are there. He is protecting himself from one of them, not from you. You should take the prenup to YOUR attorney to look it over, and make sure you protect your assets as well. Good luck honey, with the prenup and the marriage!
2007-01-22 03:06:55 · answer #9 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
evidently this man has some money, property or other investments.....yes he has the right to protect these items...if u find this unacceptable then do not marry him....u may wish to ad a clause like....if u remain married after 20 years then everything will be split 50/50...or something like that
2007-01-22 03:34:44 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋