Can I believe her?

Question

My wife had been writing email letters for the last one year to her classmate who is happily married for the last 14 years. She met him in a remote resort in last July. We are married for the last 14 years and have two lovely kids. I found a passionate letter(on paper) written by her to him one week back. When I confronted her with this she said it was only platonic love. As some of the frieds here suggested I talked to her so that she would come out clean. She says she does not know his email address and the both of them decided to end it when they met in the resort but in the letter written shortly after some time she asks him not to forget her and also with love, who needs you a lot. She said she thought of giving it to him in person first and then said she never intended to give it to him. She refers to the contents of his letters as nothing more than family matters. She wrote this letter I found at 4 AM. Only one month before and after she met him we were sleeping together.

Answer 1

I don't know what advice you have gotten before but the talking to her thing was good. But.........I could go on and on but people do not write letters like this for no reason and any married person would agree. Whatever happened at its basis is an emotional affair and an affront to your marriage and there is no rationalizing it. What did her and this guy have in order to have to say "we decided to end it"? What is "it"?

Platonic love? Who says that to a spouse? Nobody as people realize it is still love. And even worse than a quick no emotional attachment physical encounter. Wether anything happened or not the bottom line is that both your wife and this guy are guilty of the same thing.

The worst thing about this is lack of trust..... which women know all about. So you and your wife get past this will there ever be the trust that is the foundation of a good marriage? Without this there will always be some kind of issue lurking around the corner. So best to attack this now regardless of what has happened. Better now on your terms now instead of hers later.

Now it's going to be tough and unpleasant. It's kind of as if it all has to come out and be bad for a bit before you can rebuild. Again you have the moral high ground because that letter is a betrayal. Ask her how would she feel if it was the other way around. Say that you might contact this other guys wife to get to the bottom of it. So best tell you now and you can work from there.Regardless of what she says it come down to how YOU feel...... which is what partners in a marriage do. On a small note and I know you are not there yet...... keep the letter. Should you get divorced it will be handy in court.

It's hard to explain so email me if you need some help or someone to talk to.

Answer 2

I've gone through something simular with my spoce.
I can only comment on from my past experiences and say that it will not be easy for you with whatever decision, you may make when it comes to a spoce that is keeping in contact with the opposite sex (for a marrage to work it takes two people to put just as much work into keeping it and to be honest with eachother no matter what!
Now to comment on what she has said to "family matters",first she should not try and seek whatever she feels that she's missing from her relationship, with anyone but you!She should have enough love for her relationship to come to you and discuss with you whatever she may feel that she's lacking.
No one married should ever seek anything from any outside source without first discussing it with there spoce first.

Answer 3

he is in her thoughts, she met him at the resort, not by accident, not platonic at all, she is not being completely honest with u, u need to know where u stand, so maybe it would be right if u contacted her friend, and ask him about it. let him know u are not happy, and are trying to save your marriage. he is in her thoughts, and our thoughts, are what we are telling ourselves,and we do follow what is in our head. contact him, as your not going to get an honest answer out of her, as she knows in her heart that what she is doing is so wrong. once u find out to what extent this has gone, than u will be better able to see if it is even feasible to try and save the marriage.

Answer 4

women are very hard to understand in love, if she met him and she sees something different on you then she sees him it mite be that she's getting the attention from him that she's not getting from you. but it doesn't mean that she wants to be with him. It can be a fantasy that she has. you need to sit down with her and have a sirious talk with her. if when your having that conversation and she gets bothered or mad about it then she is cheating on you already, sorry but thats what happens in live, i was married now im going through a divorce,,, good luck

Answer 5

I don't know how much she weighs, but I STILL bet I can throw her more than I can trust her.

I think she's full of it. At the very least, she is caught up in the fantasy of this guy. You have a real problem here.

Answer 6

Whether she cheated on you actually or not is irrelevant, nobody's wife should be writing love letters to anyone, even if she didn't send them. She is cheating on you in at least one sense, if not the physical.

~Kyle

Answer 7

beleive her if she's telling the truth... but if you knew she's really cheating you then ask her if what's her decision sometimes she will never really tell unless you investigate the whole story... and be the first to decide what you want... leave her or live with her... it's your choice man!

Answer 8

i would be nervous. why is she writing love letters to some other guy. that is cheating to me and i would bust her out.

Answer 9

if she ended it u will have to take her word and try to trust her. maybe you are not there enough for her, and she feels she has to find it somewhere else. t if all else fails. just snoop around a Lil bit!

Answer 10

maybe u should sent him an email as just bluntly ask---are u sleeping with my wife???