i'm getting married next mon and yes i know what i'm getting into marrying a man with baggage but still would like advice.my bfs ex still loves him(he left her but not for me)after being divorced for 4yrs and makes my life hell because of this.shes also jealous that we are happy together and she has yet to find anyone.the problem is they have a child sam together(joint custody but sam lives with mom)and she lives local so we have to deal with her almost daily.at school/sports functions she makes it very clear i'm not welcome to the point its embarrassing thats how bad it is.my bf becuase of sam will not say a word to her about this in fear it will upset sam so he just goes along with what ever she does.there is no talking to my bf about this as he has told me she is a b-tch and will not change.so i'm to live with it or get out hes told me.can stepmoms/moms please tell me how i can learn to live with her for the next 10yrs?(sams only 8rs old)is my only hope she might get married soon?
2007-01-22 02:30:53 · 5 answers · asked by bettylou678 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your soon to be husband needs to step up to the plate and tell her not to talk to you like that... if you marry this man, you have every right to see and be apart of this childs life, because of his dad... if he doesn't want to say anything to her about the way she talks to you, you really need to ask yourself, can you live with this for the rest of your life? I have 2 step children as well, but I've always stood my ground to their mom, and trust me, theres no one in this world that can be a bigger b-tch, than my husbands ex wife. Good luck to you!
2007-01-22 02:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by emtb9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of us have said that the ex is a this or that at some point.
You must remember.......you stepped in and have been in this relationship knowing how the ex is. You can't expect the BF to do anything about it. YOU have to. Even though your BF doesn't realize he can have a conversation with the ex without even having sam around...........men can be so dumb!!
Anyways, if your getting married, YOU go have a heart to heart with his ex. WHY NOT? You don't have to be a ***** about it, you don't have to get out of control with your words or actions either. You can be a woman in love that is trying to put boundries.
Keep in mind with all of this, that just because you will be wife #2, watch your tongue when anything is said about Sam. Sam is and always will be NUMBER ONE in your bf's life. He came before you did.
Let her know that your sorry if she is still in love, but he's in love with you now. Reasure her that just because you two are getting married, it doesn't mean Sam will be in anyway LESS in the bf's life or yours! Speak highly of Sam, show her that your mature enough to stand by the bf's side and except his children into your life and heart too.
This woman may be just more concerned deep down about Sam not getting his dad's love and attention. It's your place to express that if these are her true feelings, that it just isn't going to happen. Let her know that you know Sam is #1 this may help her feel less threatened.
2007-01-22 02:50:01 · answer #2 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has to do what he's gotta do to try and keep his son out of the middle. Its admirable that he wont bad the kids mom in front of him. As Sam gets older he'll see things for what they are and if you function as his friend, are loving, you will reap the reward of having Sam as a son also. Let your husband handle this in whichever way he thinks is best. Dont complain and give him ultiatums as he is already in terrible spot and it will really stress him if hes put in the situation of choosing between what he feels is best for his son and what you want.
Speaking from experience
2007-01-22 02:42:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make a point of trying to get your husband to take sides or put her in her place at these functions. Continue to go to them and clearly, infactically tell her that you are going to be at these functions with your stepson and husband because they are your life now. Let her make a fool of herself. You always be the dignified one. Become very active in Sam's life. Don't let her rob you of all the joy your new marriage is going to bring you. She will pipe down.
2007-01-26 02:28:31 · answer #4 · answered by newyorktilson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of all functions until you get married and then you go to all things for Sam. Mom will have to get used to it. Your boyfriend is right, she won't change and confronting her well only make things worse. You have to realize that this well be your life until she decides to stop. Is he worth it? You have to decide that.
2007-01-22 02:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋