ALL of you need reality checks?

Question

Yknow what?!
Im so friggin SICK of all you people with this holier than thou attitude about "YOU MADE THE VOW BLAH BLAH BLAH"
Things happen in life that are out of our control. The paths and people we choose to go on are not always the correct ones. Sometimes it takes people or situations to help us realize this.
Why is it when someonehas a situation of "I have a bf/gf but I'm in love with another" you people jump down their throats with "ONCE A CHEAT ALWAYS A CHEAT". Why? Maybe in rare cases. the people we are with are not right for us and SOMETIMES someone comes into our lives that make us realize they indeed are the right ones? Life IS one big riisk. So why I ask...why are you all so holier than thou

Oh and by the way
I HAVE been cheated on. Everything happens for a reason. and I dont judge her for it. Yes I was hurt but things happen. WE ARE HUMAN..not to say it should be used an excuse but....sometimes certain things are and aren't meant to be. Life throws us cards...play your hand

For instance...the song Hinder: Lips of an Angel...how many of u relate to this?
Yes it's a song but the point in it happens alot...Peoples hearts change love comes and goes....everything ends one day

Answer 1

I have to agree with you and the ones that act like they do no wrong are typically the ones that can't admit to their own mistakes and feel better to point those fingers and put others down and highlight the wrong in others. We all have to figure things out on our own and it is nice when you do get good advice which is so hard to find anymore. Thanks, it needed to be said. And I'll be the first to admit that I'm far from perfect.

Answer 2

Yes people change and life is a big risk. Some people are very good at hiding themselves from you and the world for a while. Only later to find that they are controlling, verbally & emotionally abusive. Oh yea, did all the right things. Tried it, finally got him to go to councelling, and finally had to split for a while. He never got it and I couldn't live with it anymore. Definitely out of my control. BTW - I did the whole fair thing, tried 1/2 everything, I paid for the divorce, I ended up with most of the debt and then I lost a good paying job after supporting him for years, but he didn't care. He whines because he has to play golf, and go on trips, and buy big screen TVs, not buy coats for our kids, or pay for school supplies, or shoes. I don't leave an economically depresed area and now work for less than $10 an hour so the kids still have Dad close. So I don't want to hear how the women always take, take, take. He took.

I know people in great loving relationships that hooked up with someone which helped them feel good about themselfs again and strong enough to leave an abusive relationship. They have never cheated again. It has been the best thing for them.

Answer 3

So, does that mean that your word is meaningless?

The problem isn't just that folks find someone better suited. To me, the problem is that a person promised to be a lifetime partner, to work through the issues, and then did not follow through on their promise.

Then, not only do they want to leave the marriage, but they want to take the stuff accumulated, and/or take the children.

Let's take my unfaithful ex-wife. My story is not so different from that of other people. She meets another man, at work, and all of the sudden she is not happy and has never been happy.

Ok, so instead of actually doing the work, such as if she was unhappy, why is that day the first time she is telling me this. I kid you not, that was the first time I heard the words, "I'm unhappy."

How does one address that when their partner withholds vital information?

I find out about the affair, she files for divorce, wants everything, full custody, child support 1/2 the assets, none of the debt, alimony. Oh, and she wanted me to pay her attorney fees too.

I'd say that's the way 90% of divorces go. If folks just wanted to leave, that'd be fine. But they have this sense of entitlement, that she should be able to take all the assets and not have any responsibility for the liabilities.

I could respect her if she said, I know I made this promise, but it's not working for me. Here is what would make it work, or here is how I'd like to see things go.

However, it wasn't like that in my divorce, and I've been around many others who've divorced, and it wasn't like that for them either.

When you make a promise, you at least make the effort to make it work. You don't keep secrets from your partner, and you do everything possible to keep your word.

When you've done that, and an impartial professional says that you and your spouse are not right, then and only then can I personally respect the decision to end the marriage.

It's not a holier than thou belief, as I know I've made my fair share of mistakes too. The difference, as I see it, was my willingness to work WITH my spouse on solving the issues to the mutual satisfaction of both of us.

I see too many who choose divorce who are unwilling to even entertain the idea of finding a resolution that is mutually satisfactory to both parties.

Answer 4

It's not a matter of "holier than thou" it's because most people have been hurt by the someone they love and if someone has been cheated on before, they are definatley going to be against anyone who is doing it. They know the pain that goes along with being betrayed. You're right a lot of people jump into relationships too quickly only to realise later on that they are with
the wrong person for them, however, the right thing to do is break it off with the person you are with before starting a new relationship with someone else. Cheating is wrong, and most who get away with it, do it again. There might be those that have cheated once never to do it again, but that's definately rare.

Answer 5

Wow, dude. Sounds like some serious issues there.

Made some bad choices? $h!t happens, eh?

I've never been "holier than thou" with people over the issue of marriage, and as far as I'm concerned, two responsible adults can live together till the day they die.

I've always maintained that it takes a lot of tolerance for two people to live together, and yes, you can make all the right moves and STILL have a relationship go down the toilet.

Sorry to hear your life sucks for whatever reason.

Answer 6

I hate people just spouting catch phrases as if one saying can just paint a broad brush over everyone's life.

In that sense I agree with you. However, as a matter of RESPECT for people in general, you really do owe it to yourself to end the relationship instead of cheating on the person. As far as making a vow goes with marriage, it's just flat out true. If you made the huge commitment, you really should try to keep it. That doesn't mean a woman that is being physically abused, however, should be trying to keep her vow.

My best guess as to why people jump down others on here, is that many people answering these questions have been cheated on, and left behind etc, and so they are able to empathize with the person being cheated on, and they don't appreciate someone not showing due respect.

Answer 7

There is a right way and a wrong way to end a relationship. If you are with someone and you start having feelings for another person than you should leave. But be up front and honest. Handle the situation with integrity and respect for all parties involved. Having an affair causes a lot of pain - especially if you are married and have kids. I hope this never happens to you because you will be the one receving the reality check!

Answer 8

Excuse me but dont judge people.. You need help and counseling and by the way you choose and make choices in your life whether they be right or wrong and you do choose who you marry and who you choose to make vows to and promises in front of God and family on your wedding day... We do not make that choice for you.... Life is full of choices whether they be good or bad or right or wrong... We have to live with our choices that we make no matter what the outcome is. We have to learn from the wrong choices that we make and learn to never make that mistake or wrong choice again. My live has been far from perfect and I have made many mistakes but God is so good and forgiving and i have moved on in my life and am better for it.

Answer 9

it is not some "HOLIER THAN THOU" attitude. when you get married you promise before God that you will forsake all others and be faithful. you make a promise to be with that person until death parts you, through the good and the bad. if the person would not have gotten married then it wouldnt be a problem. but when you are married you have to put away all of your old childish ways of running around and sleeping around with different people. marriage is supposed to be one of the greatest things on earth. if that person wasnt right for you who you married then why did you marry them. you should have known that person before marriage. you need to get your facts straight before you speak out about things

Answer 10

Because the right thing for someone that is unhappy is to get out of the relationship they are in befor starting another. Believe me Ive been there. If my first wife would have told me she wanted out it would not have been nearly as bad as finding out she was sleeping with someone else. It never ceases to amaze me that people will stay with someone for years, share their bed, share their money. Then suddenly someone at work looks at them twice and the reason the have an affair is "I wasnt happy at home". If they arent happy.....then get out.....