Overnight Visitation?

Question

My brother and his girlfriend past september had a beautiful baby girl. He is 20 and she is 19. My brother works two part time jobs putting in more hours than I do at my full time job to pay for all his personal bills and child support (he sends her 20% and theres is papers signed on her part but court date isnt till feb., lawyer told him to do so). She refuses to let him have any overnight stays unless she is there which obviously is not going to happen. She agreed to let my brother have an overnight finally on a fri -sat so he drove halfway to meet her which is a 30 mile drive and she never showed up. He got a phone call from her mother and stepfather telling him that he told his exgirlfriend to turn around because the baby should have no overnights without her mother until shes a year old. They also told him because he has no experience with babies. After i heard this I was like hello and did that 19 year old girl have any experience until that baby was born hell no she didnt.

So Im like where does this girl and her parents get off telling my brother that he cant see his own child. My brother was served child support papers two days after christmas and she had the "balls" to sit on our couch at christmas time and except gifts from my family when she knew all this stuff was going on but my brother couldnt have seen the baby unless she was there too. I get so aggrevated for him because it just seems like is using the child as a pawn to get with back with him. Is there a way to use that in court at all?

By the way the lawyer wants to settle this all out of court she wants to be able to go in and have papers agreed on before she ever gets in there isnt that a little weird?

Answer 1

This is tough. I agree brother should have visitation as outlined by the courts when the time comes. He should try and expedite the process by getting a court date if he wants swift acton.
BUT, I do see the point of the baby remaining with the mother 'over night'. Sometimes when babies are very young they depend on regiments, may have special needs, or they may be breastfeeding.
Your brother should make every effort to learn the baby's schedule and special needs and he might do this by going over to the mother's house and helping and showing he knows how to care for an infant. I know that your brother can do it, but it can be to his great advantage if he can have a list of things he has done to prove he is fit to care for an infant overnight.. maybe even take a parenting/childcare course.
Anyway, if the court date in in FEB, your brtoher should be able to present a solid case if he can show that he has taken a class on parenting and knows the needs of the baby.
Good luck!

Answer 2

Father's have rights. Just as mother's do. Your brother needs to see a lawyer quickly. It is NOT a good idea for him to sign papers without consulting a lawyer first. And whatever happens, DO NOT let him agree to something that sounds like this as far as visitation rights are concerned:

The father will have visitation rights as determined between the parties.

Often when two people use one lawyer for a case like this, that's a line in the contract. It's a crock of **** because the minute they have a disagreement, the person who has custody will call off the visitation rights. And there's nothing the other parent can do without going back to court. Whatever happens, make certain that your brother gets FIXED visitation rights or he may find he has no rights at all if he pisses off the ex.

As for no overnights until the baby is a year old, tell me, what happens to all those babies whose mom dies in childbirth???? Who takes care of them??? I have seen mothers who are less deserving of a child than the father ever could be..... Your brother needs to get informed and stop hoping things will work out....especially since the mom is so sneaky, considering what happend at xmas.

Answer 3

Unfortunately I think that for the most part they limit or deny overnight visitation with infants. The big question for me is, did your brother live with his girlfriend and the baby before the split. If he lived with them and he is obviously responsible, considering his two jobs, she is likely going to be trouble until that child is 18. I would never deny a father overnight visits with his wee one...as long as he was a responsible man...if she respected him as the father, she would allow him to do this. I think the best thing for now, is being sure he documents everything and has a witness sign...trust me on that. Thereafter, he should take any time he can get, even if it means he has to drive two days in a row to spend two hours with her. It will show that he will do what it takes to see her, and is willing to make sacrifices to ensure it happens. Don't give the mother anything to use against him...he will have it hard enough as it is. She should consider herself a lucky woman that he wants to see his daughter...my exes just plain suck.

Also, on her side...if she is a good mother, I can see where it would be difficult to let her baby go away for the night with someone...even if it is daddy. I had to be away from my newborn overnight once, and I felt like my whole world had shattered. It's weird how you can feel so strong about something. Sometimes it's hard to see things from the other points of view. Then again, she could be trying to use the "can't stay overnight unless I am there" to get back into his life.

No matter what, be sure he is calling frequently, and getting as much time with the baby as she will allow. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 4

My fiance went through this- He had to get a very good lawyer.
It seems that right now he has partial financial custody. What he needs drafted up and fought for is partial physical custody. Basically- because they are not married and prolly never will be he needs a strong parenting plan.

The mother will have a hard time fighting this if he is always on time with child support and has no criminal past or valid reason such as drugs/ guns/ mental illness keeping him from seeing his little girl.

Just make sure your brother knows that he needs a very detailed parenting plan (and depending on the state- they cannot be reviewed until a certain amount of years)- ex:
- Times for pick up and drop off
- Holiday (even or odd years) Times included
-Birthdays -times
-Weekends/ Over nights
-Medical Records/ Doctor information/ Medication
-Day care info and imput- is he an emergency contact
-Copy of her insurance card in case she is ill with him

Then when she is older
- Being part of parent teacher conferences
- On the call list or emergency contact if daughter is ill at school and cant reach mother
- A part of major decisions- like private or public school/ buying her a car/ etc.

Most lawyers do have payment plans and can work with a person on a budget...believe me my fiance's finances are still tied up with this divorce (going on 2 years) So he had to start off from scratch- which is hard the older you get. In either case the money is worth the piece of mind knowing when you can see your child.


Finally- The last thing your brother should do is share a lawyer with his ex. However to start with- He could try to negotiate a fixed parenting plan. He has the power to state what he wants and if the shared lawyer cannot provide it he needs to shop for another. Remind him...once he signs on the dotted line, he doesnt just give the rights over for a few months...depending on your state it could be years. (where i live it is 5 years)

Answer 5

I think all the parents should stay out of it. Would your brother be willing to take a short parenting class? It may increase his confidence with the child, and bring to light things that he doesn't know. Maybe that would help mom relax. I can see your brother's point, but being a mom, I understand her's too, especially when the baby is so small. Protecting your young is instinct...look at mama bears! She needs reassurance that he will care for the child as well as she does. That may only come with time. Keep in mind, she is probably not doing this to be hateful, but out of love for the baby.

Answer 6

Interesting. She sounds immature and scared but that's because she's young. I applaud your brother for his efforts! Everything with this child needs to be in writing by the courts. He needs to let his attorney know what he's up against. I'd also maybe suggest supervised visitation, that way she doesn't go off the deep end someday of accusing him of "bad parenting"...just to keep him safe, or any accusations at all. Since he's the father; he has legal rights to the child and the courts will see to that. !

Answer 7

sounds like your brother is a very responsible 20 yr old, as far as it goes for trying his best to take care of the child.
i think you're completely right in your thoughts in regards to visitation rights!!! there has to be some sort of an agreement (which she is not trying to come to) between them and somewhat of a good relationship, so he'll have to be practicing a lot of patients...
unfortunately the only way it looks as though he will be fairly getting his rights as a father, is to go to court for some custody. this is the time for him to go instead of a year from now, to show the courts he's been there since day one, his support to the child and work ethics, receipts from payments to the mother, and the dates she's allowed him to see the child.
i pray everything works out for ya!

Answer 8

Nope. That isn't fair. He needs to talk to his lawyer.

On a different subject: Before this "ruins his life", in a way - do you think he'll want to do a blood test to make SURE the child is his? The girl and her parents are being so mean about it. It would just put the icing on the cake if the child isn't even his. I don't care how much in love they were - don't trust her.

Answer 9

Your brother needs to get another attorney. He sounds like he is a good person and there is no reason for him not to be with his little girl. It sounds like ex is trying to stay in your brothers life. To much of a control issue.

Answer 10

We had the same thing with my fiancé's ex wife. She didn't let us have their little girl to stay with us over night until she was 2. Unfortunately this was also written into his divorce agreement so there was squat we could do about it except bide our time. I suggest that your friend just makes the most of the time he can get with his daughter and tries to stay amicable with her mother as best he can to avoid her holding the baby's time for ransom to get him to do what she wants (had this too).